Thanks

I am thankful for my husband. This person that I stumbled across early in life. This man who is my everything. I love where we are right now in life and our relationship. We have a mutual respect for each other that I know is rare. We are friends, the best of friends really. He is the other half of me. I have no idea how I would get through a day if he weren't right here with me.
I am thankful for my Empress. The girl that I worked so hard to find. The girl that never disappoints. The girl that smiles and bosses and fusses and chatters non-stop. I am amazed at the quickness of her mind, the depth of her emotions, the ferocity of her love.
I am thankful for my parents. My upbringing. The love and respect that I was shown from the very first. I am thankful for their friendship and kindness, the absolute acceptance in their hearts for my children born in foreign lands.
I am thankful for my sister. What can one say about her sister? She is there, she knows me, we are symbiotic. This is the one relationship in my life that I have the hardest time talking about. It is quite profound. My love for her is unlike any other in my heart. It is part parent, part friend, part rival, part .... part everything.
Then there is Brevin. The first boy in my heart. The one that makes me laugh. The one that takes my breath away.
There is another out there. My mystery child. The one that I am longing for. Yes, I am even thankful for the longing.


I am thankful for Jodi. My friend. The one that is good for solid advice, hair appointments, casserole dishes and laughs. The person that is, in fact, a female Leslie. The one who is always there.

And So

And so the holiday season is upon us! I nearly had a panic atack in Costco yesterday, thinking of all of the cooking and cleaning and planning that will go on for the next 4 weeks. I do love it though. I love being close to family and having Ev around her cousins and Grandparents at such an important age.

• Les just took me out last week for a fancy dinner and then to see Wicked. What an awesome night that was. I loved every minute. I just couldn't believe that there was all of this surplus time to talk with each other! Ev spent 2 nights at Aunt Melissa's so Les and i had a much needed mini vacation.
• I still don't have that Home Study in my hands. That's not freaking me out too much.
• I am now truly in the market for a job.
• Evelyn is reading more and more every day. She did concede last week that I MAY know more than her because I can read anything but she can only read her school books. She followed that statement up by saying "it won't always be like that though- one day I will go to college"
• A little neighborhood girl is here playing today. Let's call her G. This kid goes number two every single time she steps inside my house then she gets all critical about my snacks. What's up with that?
• Evelyn has had her very first Christmas Disappointment. She wants a certain gift and Les and I have had to sit her down and tell her absolutely not. That will not be a gift that she gets as we have very strong personal feeling about it. We had to tell her before Christmas because she was really working herself into a froth over it- I would rather her be disappointed now then on Christmas morning. (Please note that I did not mention what she wants as I would hate for Gma and Gpa to get one and then have to return it)
• We have a great trip planned in mid-December with Lissa and Brevin and Grandma and Grandpa. I can not wait!!! We have a cabin rented and there will be train rides and Santa and ice skating!!!!

Well, I am off to fix a late lunch for Ev and G. The I am going to clean this house and get it ready for company. By the way? I have a HORRIBLE headache that I think is either a migraine or just plain old sinuses but I am sort of expecting my head to pop off any minute. My hair is hurting and my vision gets blurry every once in awhile. I wanted to cry last night but decided that it would only make my head hurt worse so I toughened up.

What? The? Heck?

I have been fretting a bit about "The Adoption". That's how it looks in my head when we say that, "THE ADOPTION".
It seems that our finalized home study has been completed and mailed of to our agency for them to review and review for "THE DOSSIER". This is a big thing. It means that once we get that in our hot little hands, things will be up to me for a bit. That is the way that I like it. So much of this process depends on other people- it just feels so helpless sometimes.
Knowing that the home study will soon (hopefully soon) will be in my hands for me to complete the final four steps and get it all sent to China means that I have been in a frenzy of paper fawning. This is where I pull every document back out and compare it with the checklist for the hundredth time- just to "make sure". This really does help me sleep better at night.
Last night I had my folder and my freshly Authenticated Documents (11 of the 13 that we will need in total)- I said to myself "self, you better check those Immigration Papers" Then I said to myself "self, you have already done that like 100 times, stop being psycho". Then I said to myself "Yes. But have you looked at the page numbers and verified that they are in order?" The answer was that no, technically I have never paid much attention to the page numbers, so I listened to myself.
Good thing that I did. Page 6 was missing! No page 6!!!! What the hell?
So. Les will reprint that package of what I call "very important info-crap" and we will have page 6.
I do not want to even think about the delay if I had sent that package off to D.C. with out page 6. Probably horrible delays and double payments and .......complete mental and social breakdown of this household.
Those quiet suggestions that I get? They are what makes me know that Somebody Important In the Grand Scheme of Things is watching out for me.


If you have never done an adoption, these Immigration Papers are your official request to the USCIS to approve you to bring home a foreign born child(their term, not mine). They are a bit tedious and each question has sub questions and the section for the primary requester is slightly different than the section for the spouse. So it can be easy to get confused and turned around and not notice that your section ends differently than your husbands.

Just Because

I have been rather wordy latey (embarassed cough)....SO here are a few pictures for your viewing enjoyment.

Influences

I always try to find interesting women or girls to expose Ev to. I want her to see that a girl or a woman can do or be anything. I point out female doctors and bus drivers, I point out female cops and construction workers. Another thing that I do is try to expose her to strong and influential women in music, mostly this is just fun. I have tried early Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Fergie, Gwen Stefani, Bette Midler, Kate Bush... she would be bop a bit and then wander off and never request their music again.
Then two days ago I came across a chic that I like very much indeed. Amanda Palmer. Ev wandered in when I was watching a video on you tube, she was struck silent. She climbed up on my lap and watched every single video that I could find for her with Amanda Palmer.
Miss Palmer has a definite style and way about her, the most evident thing is her make up and fashion. So Ev first watched this video......(if you don't like the music just turn the volume down until you get to see her face)


Then we watched a make-up tutorial on how to get this look.
Then we watched the following video a bunch of times. Among others.




Today Ev drug out not only her own make up but mine too. She achieved a very interesting facsimile of Amanda's look I think. Then she grabbed her portable music player, plugged her buds in and asked of we could take her into Cleveland for her to sing on the street.
So I have finally influenced my daughter. To be a tarted up Street Musician. Nice.



For the record, I actually think this is all pretty fun and cool. I mean, I wanted to dress up like Amanda Palmer too!

There Have Been Moments

Let's jump away from the behavior stuff for a bit. I am beginning to be weary of it.
Even in these days when she has been a complete poop, there have been moments when I laugh at her, wonder at her beauty, want to hug her fiercely (and do so), fall in love with her all over again, been completely amazed at her strength as a person.

Let's see. Her strength. OK. this may seem to be a bit "oh what a brat" but it's not really- Leslie and I always end up marvelling over these types of moments and ironically, as strict as we can be, these are not times that she gets in trouble. Like what you ask? Okay. Riding her bike Saturday with Les, she fell off. Her first fall. She got a scrape and she got mad. Spitting mad. She was hurt and betrayed. Les performed all of the appropriate ministrations and noises and consoling. Ev flatly refused to get back on her bike. Les KNEW that if she did not ride her bike right then, that she would never ride it again- ever (yes he was right and not exaggerating at all). So he was trying to get her helmet back on her and she fought him tooth and nail, in the middle of the sidewalk! He said it was like in the cartoons when they are trying to get a cat in a tub of water.... there was yelling (on her part) and cussing (on her part)....finally he had to trick her and get her hands busy with picking up her bike and then he had to jam her helmet on quick and strap it. Then she got even more mad. Then the fireworks started. By the time they got home Les was sweating and pale and completely worn out. He had to have a beer. Apparently she got on the bike but drug her feet, rode the brakes and all sorts of silliness for the 4 blocks home.

In the bath tub yesterday she was playing. It was "Magic Potion Making Game show with Plot" . She was a witch running a contest to see who would have to drink her sleeping potion, but she also had a witch sister that she was being the voice for too. The sisters do not agree on anything. I heard things like "well sister that won't work" "yes it will sister" "no it will not you witch" "you are the witch and it will work" "actually we are both witches and just, call our next contestant!"
(evil giggles) water splashing "well that potion worked after all" hee hee hee. "Now I call down mama Dillon!" splash splash "oh no!!!!!!!!!" She is a witch!" She has poisoned this house!!!!!!!" "aggghhhh! splash splash gurgle.

I snuck into her room yesterday while she was napping and got beside her and looked at her, and listened to her breathe and then before I knew it, I felt just like Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona. You know when Nic Cage hands her the baby for the first time and she sits there and looks at him and then breaks down completely and shouts "I-I-LOVE-H-HIM-S-SO-MU-UCH!!!!" and then Nic Cage says "I know you do baby"? That scene. That's how I feel about Ev alot of the time. (I tried to find a link to a you tube video of that scene but it did not exist)

Crabby Appleton

The Threat Status around here has been downgraded to Crabby Appleton. This is a normal and expected level of Grump. This is basically where we step back form the Nukes and smoke a ciggy and THANK GOD that we didn't initiate the launch codes.
Two things may have helped. First she, and by she I mean the The Beast, was purposely allowed to hear me talking to her Grandma about what a stinker she was, then I just simply told her that Grandma said *****"to try and be a good little girl"*****
Then I switched gears on her. I stopped commenting on her behavior and making any deal at all about it. I have started making her say every single snotty thing over and over until the last trace of brat is gone. Then I respond positively and a bit over the top with that. The other thing is that with each small opportunity afforded, I would/will grab her and hug her and kiss her and tickle her a bit or something.
It's working. Something is working. I am starting to think that we have been so hellishly busy that she feels/felt that she was getting a bit neglected or something. I am going to say it here, that is very likely the cause as well, she's spoiled. I know that she is spoiled. I am okay with that. I am okay with that simply because I know that she is spoiled, not for material goods and things, but for the time and attention of her parents. I'm cool with that actually.

***** Grandma technically did not say that. Grandma just listened and groaned a bit, hoping beyond all hope that Ev would not be in trouble, EVAR. Not ever in trouble. Grandma would never utter any word or phrase that she thought might potentially fuel any disciplinary actions. So I cheated a bit, because I thought Ev needed to know that no one in the family was going to stand for her behavior.

Crab Cakes

Crabby Appleton.
Crab Cakes.
Grump Monkey.
Sultan of Sass.
Connie Complainer.
Whiney Face.
These are just some of the nick names that I have had to use with The Bean these past three days. I have no idea what is up with this kid! I have tried every single thing under the sun and she remains,ummm, let's just call it.....Spikey. Yes. Spikey.
She teeters between sassing/outright defiance to complaining/ignoring us. It's been rough. For Saturday, I kind of thought maybe it was me until I looked at Les once and he mock throttled her behind her back. Then I knew; stand by for heavy rolls as the Coasties say. So I/we did not yell, we did not lecture or fuss, we did not try to course correct for her, we just kind of manuevered around her.
Then on Sunday? She was worse. So bad in fact that I had to literally hold the tines of a fork against my leg while talking with her so I did not yell or freak out in any way, the pain kept me only half focused on her you see. I just talked with her- firmly and set down the rules-again. She stayed bad. Ignoring me when I spoke to her, rolling about listlessly while I was trying to talk with her about her mood, not making eye contact, sort of whining and keening. THEN she tried to get me mad at Les by making up stuff about being in trouble and how terrible it was that she had to do school work, and that "no matter what HE says, IIIIIII, am not doing it!" "Then HE even gave me soy milk (whine, sad face, pout, toss and roll on floor)"

SOOOOOOOOOO.

Ev spent the afternoon playing in her room. She had lunch in her room. I called her down to rejoin the civilized folk about three times and each time she was still "Playin' the Jerk"- so back up she would go. I had no idea of what else to do. I am trying this new thing out. It's called, no yelling, no lecturing, just try to let her have moods and see how she handles it. Maybe she is too young, maybe I should maintain my Superego for Her staus a bit longer...who knows? All I know is that had I decided for a spanking or yelling or lecturing this weekend- that is all that I would have gotten done.

She is a bit better today. Still complain-y and judgemental. Still a bit Spikey.

Like at Gymnastics this morning? She was on the tumble trac right next to the Parent's area and she called me over to the sidelines, where she thenleaned over and gave me a kiss. I was so pleased and happy. Then she put her hands on her hips and says, kind of loud "hey you still have some morning breath happening there big momma!" Whaaaaat?!?! Yes everyone heard her. Thank God, they acted like they did not. I just went and buried my face in my i-phone.

She is taking a nap today. A big nap. And I am going to tie a ribbon around my wrist to remind me to be patient and even keeled.

Baby Jesus Beer Me Strength.

(she has been well fed, well rested, had minimal candy and shows no signs of getting sick, I can think of nothing emotional that has happened, she has had no nightmares- I am conviced she is just in a mood)

A Whole New Chapter

On the afternoon of Nov 5, 2009. My daughter sat down with her Papa for a session of school.
Thirty minutes passed and when she next climbed down off of the couch and strode forth- she was a reader.
Evelyn can READ.
Leslie and I both cried happy tears.
One of my new favorite things in this world is to sit with her and have her read one of her little books to me. Her words are halting, there are pauses for sounding out. But she uses the tiny, polish chipped finger to guide her way. She looks intently down at the page. She says "the end" with a flourish.
How many adventures and friends now await her? How much knowledge will she seek out on her own?

Repair Job

You know how sometimes when you are a Mom? And there you are in the middle of your day? And then you do something so effing stupid that lasts about one and a half seconds? But then you realize you were just a complete a-hole to your precious daughter? AND then it dawns on you that you will be untangling that particular mess for weeks to come?
NO? It's only me? Huh.

Here is what happened: I was cleaning frantically (still putting the house back in order after the party). I was in the living room. Ev had started the whole house overhaul thing when she decided to arrange her cd's and dvd's and then clean up her room (yes all on her own and she does a great job, yes I know that I am lucky). So there we were, we had made it down to the living room. I was cleaning and thinking about some pretty hefty stuff (which does not really excuse me). She was fawning over the dvd case to Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone. She was talking away and I was truly interested in what she had to SAY, I just had an objection to the requirement of stopping what I was doing every 2 seconds to LOOK AT IT (oh the horror, oh the trauma). So I said " Ev, I have seen that, alot of times, I don't really want to look at that anymore, it's fine if you do though".
Silence.
Then I realized that I have crushed her desire to talk to me about her thoughts on the matter. I realized that of all of the things to do, of all of the choices to make in today, I chose to blow her off. I realized this and tried to get her to start talking again. No soap. That dog would not hunt.
She was hurt.
I have talked with her about this. I have tried to explain that I wanted to hear what she had to say but I did not want to stop and look at the pictures so much.
She is an Elaine though.
She will hold onto this for awhile and then forget why she isn't talking to me about Harry Potter.
I will hold onto it forever and try to never, ever make her feel stupid for talking with me again.
So, who wants to nominate me for Mom of the Year?

Another Big Weekend = Another Big Recap

The Halloween Re-cap Entry. Yes. It has taken awhile. Yes. I have been exhausted ---but it was worth every ounce of effort.
Friday Night: We spent all Friday afternoon getting the house ready for the party and by that I mean, Les decorated and I cooked/cleaned. Then in the evening we went over to Aunt Jenny's house to meet up with her gang and Aunt Rae's gang. Ev played her head off and then spent the night in the room with all of her big cousins.
Saturday: The big day. More cooking for me. More decorating for Les. A much needed nap for Ev. Lissa and Brev showed up around 5 and then we were off! Costumes on! Over to Aunt Jenny's for a much superior trick or treating experience. We stopped long enough for some fun pictures and then the kids went and begged their body weights in candy. Back to this domicile for party time. We had 2 types of Chile, a chicken and rice soup, steak sandwiches, a green salad, a fruit try with all black and orange fruits, we had guacamole and buffalo chicken dip with blue tortillas, we had bread sticks in the shapes of bones, we had deviled eggs made to look like monster eyes. I even whipped up a batch of green potion for the kids to drink. We bobbed for apples, we had a dance party for the kids, we ate and talked and had candy and desserts (dirt, chocolate cheesecake, bat cookies and pumpkin bread). Then the 3 girls spent the night here.
Sunday: started at 7 am much to my eternal dismay. No matter. I made the girls a breakfast pizza and let them watch a Barbie movie, then they sorted candy, then they played sisters and by that time, the rest of the gang rejoined us for a left over lunch and long visit session.

All in all this was the Halloween that I have always wanted to have! Les and I both dressed up. My house was dripping in spiderwebs, we had a "mouse infestation" , we had pumpkins carved. MY house was full of noise and laughter and kids all having fun in their costumes. It was a great weekend.

Some of my favorite moments from the weekend are: just holding Ev's hand and talking with her as we kicked thru lots of swishing leaves while trick or treating. Watching Les come up with a costume in less than 5 minutes. Watching Les drink a beer thru a gas mask- yes it can be done. Sitting on Ev's bed with my nieces and daughter surrounding me, reading them a bed time story. Listening to Brevin holler with delight as he descended the basement stairs to join the fray. Seeing Ev dance wildy during the Dance party. Watching Scott stay in Spock character. Laughing as Katie's big wings kept hitting all of the other kids in the face. Seeing Aden pose in Ninja poses every time a camera was pointed at him. Listening to the very adult things that you can sometimes hear Audrey come up with.