Pictures from the Pumpkin Patch

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Windy City Weekend

We left the homestead last Friday for Chicago. The Windy City. City of Big Shoulders. Hog Butcher To The World.
It was a big weekend spent with great friends eating superb food and being absolutely silly with "accents" while playing MahJong. Here is the Recap.
The weekend actually started Thursday because Les was able to take Friday off of work so....
Thursday: We packed and then we spent the evening in front of the fireplace, warming ourselves and toasting marshmallows. This was the coolest thing to Ev, that we could toast marshmallows in the house.
Friday: Up and out of the house, headed for Dan and Cheri's place. It was a 6 hour trip. Not too bad. We even managed to convince Ev to get some sleep while in transit, it felt like an honest to goodness date for Les and I. We made it to Dan and Cheri's in time to head out for a walk around town and hit a used book sale at the Library ( yes if we can be silly, eat and buy books we are happy). Dinner at an Irish Pub (killer cheese ball thingies that I could have eaten 100 of but I didn't, mostly because they ran out). Back to D&C's for a viewing of Spirited Away which Ev loved.
Saturday: We got up early and went out for pancakes at The Original Pancake House and I had, I swear to you, the best pancakes in the world. Then off to The Shedd, where we saw many fish and whales and dolphins, a 4-D movie and the Shedd show "Fantasea". I also took many pictures of the back of Ev's head and blurry fish photos. Had Chicago Style Hot Dogs out of a street cart. This was the night that we ate at the Swedish place Tre Kronor- my that was tasty. Then back to D&C's for Uno and MahJong. Playing MahJong with those two was just about the most fun that I have had in a long long time.
Sunday: Everyone but Dan had a bit of a lie in and then we were off for the next meal. This time at a buffet place called Reza'a- Mediterranean food at it's best. I must have eaten my body weight in chilled salmon and hummus. We hit the book sale one final time and then returned home. But not before stopping at Giordano's for some Chicago style pizza.
So this is what we have been up to and recovering from, thus the blog slacking. I wish that I had the time and energy to give heartfelt reviews on all of the restaurants and write all of the funny stuff that was said over the weekend. It was just too much though.
I am gearing up for a Halloween party here this weekend so posting here will be scattered for a bit but, I will make up for it with a whole passel of pictures early next week.
I am not kidding when I say that have to start cooking tomorrow for a party on Saturday. I also have to clean, crochet one lime green fingerless glove, pull my costume together, grocery shop, rake the yard, and finish decorating the house. Maybe that doesn't sound like alot but, I do have the world's chatiest helper and things take about twice as long as they should because I have to explain everything- in detail- to her satisfaction. (that is so not a complaint, it's just the way it is).

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What's On My Mind Today

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Over It

• I am over that mood from yesterday- whew! Did that turn me into a whiney maggot or what?
• It is warm-ish and sunny here today so Ev and I are going outside to take a walk and play in the yard. She is completely convinced that Summer has returned and that she will be able to get in her splash pool.
• I have been scrambling to get Ev that h1n1 vaccine but it seems that I am out of luck. It is only being given out at the Health Dpts here, and only to the Medical Community at this time.
• We ended up having a really nice evening last night. Les took one look at me and took us all out to dinner. We then came home and tinkered about the house for a bit, then I popped some popcorn and we sat in the living room and snacked on that while Les read some Harry Potter aloud to us.
• We have a big weekend coming up. I am so excited about it and will have more on what went on early next week.

Whine Moan Complain

Sometimes the things that are swirling about in your head (worries, stressors, anxieties) and the things coursing through your veins (mostly hormones) turn you into, what I like to call "Off Mama". Today is one of those days. I am just off. I am short tempered and have no patience. I don't feel like playing Mancala or Doctor Visit. I don't feel like playing Candyland or hauling all kinds of glue and glitter out for a craft. I just want to sit and have my own thoughts. I need to stew.
I now know that this is okay. I know this because Leslie and my sister and Jodi tell me all of the time that days like this don't mean that I don't love or deserve Ev. It just means that I am human. I have learned enough about myself to know that I should not push it. That if I feel this way, I should absolutely stay in the background. It's not the end of the world if Ev has to have a quiet day where her every whim is not met- she really won't remember that through the years. She will remember if her Mama spent one whole afternoon sighing and fussing.

Yes. I am feeling a bit sorry for myself. I have alot on my plate that I wanted to get done today. Nope. This mood prohibits anything constructive. I have to wallow, that's the only way out.

The cat is not helping either. I think he has finally had the cheese slide entirely off his cracker if you know what I mean. He's nutso and annoying and chewing on everything but wanting lots of love so he can bite you mid pet. He even got Sushi yesterday. Ingrate.

Pumpkin Patch!!!

Finally! I have wanted to take my child/children to an Honest to Goodness Pumpkin Patch for about as long as I can remember. Then I got a daughter and we lived in the sorry Outer Banks. Then, last year we were too busy for some reason.

This year was it! We went to Honey Haven Farm, near my Mom's house.

There were horse drawn wagon rides, much scurrying through that gorgeous field of pumpkins, petting of farm animals (by no way a repeat of the Fair), a haystack maze, ice cream cones (pumpkin flavor) and warm apple dumplings. We were loaded with pumpkins and gourds when we left. I was in Heaven. The weather was fine and the kids enjoyed themsleves tremendously.

Melissa asked Brev what his favorite part of the day was and he said "RIGHT NOW!!!" as he took a giant lick of his cone......What more needs to be said?

I have a TON of pictures but I do not want to spoil the surprise of thier costumes too much..... though i guess it's not difficult to surmise Brev's. Sorry Sis.

We Told You!

div>We told you that we loved Halloween. Just check out Ev's outfit and it will become clear as to how much we love it.

*purse and hat by Mama

Halloween Is Near

It's that time of year again. Our favorite time. Halloween.

We have preparations in full swing.

The house is decorated.

The costume is sewn (thanks to Nonnie).

The party is planned.

There is canned pumpkin in the cupboard for pies and bread.

We are all done with candy corn and butterscotch already.

We have already watched Hocus Pocus.

We have already done Halloween crafts.

I just need some carving pumpkins and some cider then we will be all set.

Don't Ask Don't Tell

We have borrowed a policy from the US Gov't around here. The policy surrounds the controversy that is boogers.
It's like this. The Bean is a booger picker. Yep. Also? She used to eat them. Unashamedly eat them. Thankfully this has never been a public thing. She would just wait until she was in bed at night and go to town. I first realized this was goin on, when one day I could hear nose wheezes from across the room and she adamantly refused to let me clean her nose. Eventually, she hollered "but Mama! If you clean them out in the daytime, then I can't get 'em out at night!!!"
We have had MANY Interventions with Ev about her "habit". Seriously, I mean Interventions, with her extended family, even. We made progress of sorts. She does not eat them anymore (so she says) but she will still admit to picking her nose and liking it ("it's fun"). Kids! Personally I think that this whole thing is funny and just what you get when you have little savages running about, I think it's normal to a point. Aunt Melissa however? Aunt Melissa just looses her mind about this whole thing.
After a few Interventions and serious lecturing about germs and such, Ev seems to be on the wagon. It is just better to keep the don't ask don't tell mentality.
DADT used to be just about boogers. Now we have had to expand that umbrella to include, wait for it...... feet smelling.
What is up with this kid?!?!?!
Les caught her last week. He was a bit dismayed.
She was taking a small plastic toy and vigorously rubbing it between her toes - and. then. sniffing. the. toy.
Les asked her what in tarnation she was doing. Her reply? "Smelling my feet."
Ew.

Scent

You know how every person has that smell that is just theirs? The Bean has a smell. You can smell it when all of the lotion and shampoo smells fade a bit. I have tried and tried to figure out what she smells like and today it hit me.
Hot.
She smells hot. Like embers in a fire. Like ideas being formed.
That's perfect for her. That smell is what she is. She is there, hot as can be, burning with ideas and imaginings, her little mind is always at work. Creating heat and thoughts.

No,

I haven't been forgiven. Why do you ask?

Pagan Rabbits

Is it just me or does this appear to be an interrupted pagan pumpkin ritual?

I may have to call in the area's Inquisitor to get to the bottom of this.

Bean, Butter Bean 007

The Bean is, all of the sudden, into spying.

She has taken scotch tape, a small Barbie mirror, a magnifying glass that came in a bug hunting kit and a card board roll from old Christmas paper and she has comstructed a "periscope". This periscope has some incredible properties!

1.) it renders her completely invisible

2.) watching us through the magnifying glass seems to quadruple the interestingness of what we are doing

3.) it muffles all sounds that she makes

These are all properties that are in her mind of course.

She loves watching what we are doing though. She will be right up on me, mouth breathing, and giglling while I am changing but I am to act as if she is nowhere around. She loves it.

I think it's weird but then again, she does sleep in her closet........

The Plasma Burnt Penguin

When we went to the Newport Aquarium, my mom bought Ev this pink, plastic glow in the dark penguin. This is a special penguin. Mainly because it's just one of her many possessions but. mostly because it came from Grandma.


Now, Ev has been sleeping on the floor in her closet. Okay , that's weird but there it is, kids do weird stuff. It's her "secret place" and she wants to be there. So we let her. She has lanterns and , glowing penguins, link posters and ameeuhls and many, many blankets, a thermos of water, a small chair, her pillow, and 2 baskets full of chopsticks, bits of paper and stickers in there. Yes, it's a moderately sized closet. hum hum okay. my point is....


The penguin lost his glow. He needed recharged. I was appointed this task. I had many instructions and we had to make definite plans about his return to the secret place. I promptly forgot most of my instructions. I was tired and edgy and well, really? I have to now pay attention to the needs of a plastic penguin from Kentucky?!?!?!


I went into the bathroom, realized I still had the penguin in my hands, looked around, (I really had to go) saw no shelf or anything near a light to charge him. So I did the next best thing. I turned him on his back and laid him directly on a light bulb over the vanity. Smart right?


Then I forgot that there was even a penguin in the house, let alone one in mortal danger. One that I had been entrusted to keep safe.


Nothing happened right away because I turned the light off and went down stairs to watch a movie.


1.5 hours later, I come back upstairs for my evening ablutions and then....I remember the penguin when I smell him melting.


I had to sort of ooze him off of the light bulb and run him under cold water.


Yes, I plasma burnt my daughters precious penguin.






I kept this dark secret for 3 days.


Tonight I confessed.


I am in the dog house.


Ev immediately got her Hello Kitty Emergency Kit and put a band aid on him. She then started to murmur things like "well, she never burned me", "you will be alright I am sorry that your back burns like hell fire". I have had several sidelong glances and I fear that I have lost the privilege of taking care of any of her animals again.


It's a mixed blessing to be sure.

(Does anyone else wonder why I am in such trouble if Penguin was able to be hid away on the top shelf in the hall closet for 72 hours without her remembering? If he was all THAT special shouldn't she have questioned me thouroughly that next morning? Why was a tired, strung out Mom put in charge in the first place? Who holds the real blame here people?)

One Of A Kind

I was sitting here at the computer desk and Bean walks in. She says "hey mama can I go get one of my pumpkin candies to eat?" I say sure and keep working away here at the beast. A few minutes later she comes up, with s few sugar crystals around her lips and she says "here Mama", I look and she is holding up this tiny orange pumpkin for me. She just stood there, holding that pumkin aloft and smiling at me. The light from the window was bright and diffused and lighting her face up like an Angel's. I looked at her and then the entirety of my love for her sort of flooded through me. I saw her for what she is and I realized how very deeply she has wound her way into my heart. This is nothing new really , I did know these things in almost the first minute I held her, but sometimes you get a flash and you just KNOW more than other times. It's like we walk around with this buffering system on because otherwise our love for our children would blind us.
So. I accepted that pumpkin and I pulled her up onto my lap and I curled her up and I hugged her and smelled her hair. I told her that I loved her. LOVED HER. I think she felt that moment too because she said "whoo! Gosh Mama am I the only one that you love?" I told her that no, she was not the only one that I loved that I was lucky enough to have many people that I loved but that my love for her was different, that it was one of a kind. She asked me how. I told her that my love for her was fierce. She wanted to know what that meant. I said fierce love is bright and bold, strong and big and can't be lost or broken, that it was the closest thing to magic that I could do.
"Whooo!" she said.



*"whooo!" =the thing that Ev says when she is overwhelmed with emotions- good ones. It always has been, I will know that I am in trouble when as a teen, she looks at a boy and a small "whoo!" slips out.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

This may be a rambling post. I may not even publish it but I feel like there are some things that I want to talk about.
We are going through a second adoption. That means that I am "paper pregnant". It means that I have inside of me all of the hopes and dreams and anxieties that any expectant mother has. It's just that no one else can see it. I have no physical changes to go along with it. I have no daily reminders or monthly milestones to help me remeber that, indeed, a baby is coming. It means that those "resereved for expectant mother" parking spaces really chap my ass. It means that I hope and pray every single minute of my existance that I will be able to be enough for these children.
In some ways I am scared to death. I have no idea who this person is. I have no idea if it will be a boy (probably I am feeling) or a girl (no disappointment at all if it is). I have no idea how old he or she will be- I use the term baby to mean a child that is my youngest. That term,baby also helps me keep in mind how significant the child's needs will be. I have no idea of what physical condition my child will be in. I am so afraid that I will not be able to stand seeing a child of mine in pain with surgeries. I am so afraid that my family will be disrupted and never get back to "normal". I get so afraid that I will love unequally. I am afraid that I will loose my husband in all of the activity and noise and general adoption mayhem. Most of all though? The thing that scares me the most? Is that I WON'T get a baby out of this.
In some ways I have no doubts at all. Sometimes there is no fear. I just feel like we can do this. That we will do this and that we will have two beautiful and wonderful children from China that make us complete as a family.
Some days my longing for this baby is unbearable. I can not eat a bite or sit for a minute with out wondering and hoping and praying. The longing has a different flavor than that I had for Ev. It's like when I was waiting for her, that longing was all about ME and what I wanted and needed. This time it's less frantic for myself and much more frantic for my child. I want that baby home so we can take care of him/her, so we can start to make things better and right for that person.
On most days I live with a strange combination of all of those emotions: fear, hope, faith and longing.
Then there are the extra frustrations. The paperwork. The Social Worker that takes a longer time than you want getting your home study together. The fears of H1N1 taking over your trip and making it hell. The silly CDC and their TB crap. The notarization, the certifications and oh GOD! the money.
I never want to turn away though. Not one second form the time that Les and I began to realize that this could be. That we could go back to China and come home with the most wonderful gift of all.
At times I worry that these fears I have mean that I am not fit or worthy- those are the darkest times. Most of the time though I try to remind myself that these fears are normal and ok and even beneficial to have, they get me thinking and help me ready myself.
I would also like to talk a bit about my husband. How he has gone through the heartbeak of infertility WITH me. He has never been on the outside looking in. He has walked with me every single step of the way. He has never once doubted my feeling and intuitions about adoption. He tells me every day that he is so very happy that things worked out like they did. There is no hesitation in his heart, he loves our children from the depths of his soul, I know this. I see his love in every thing that he does. He has never made me feel like I was bad or broken in any way. He just sort of hitched up his pants and waded through the grief and the decisions and the paperwork with me. I simply could not ask for more.
I was looking at a blog last night and there was this picture of this tiny, beautiful 14 mos old girl, laying in a hospital bed recovering from heart surgery. I began to cry. I just wondered how on earth I could be strong enough to help a child through that. I then remembered that I could because it would mean life versus death. Love versus nothing. I know that God will send us the child we are supposed to have, the child that we can handle, the child that is ours. I know this because I have Evelyn and she is a miracle.
Yes she is a miracle but, it wasn't easy. She was sick, undernourished, weak and frightened when I took her into my arms. We then lived our final 2 mos in Alaska. Les was in and out with the CG, underway for days at a time. I was alone with this grieving, adjusting mess of a little girl that I loved so very profoundly. Then we moved. Just as she was starting to settle in and find a rhythm, just as she was getting secure, we had to put her into a car, sleep in a different place every night, spend 8 hours a day on the road, fix bottles over hotel sinks, find a way to start laying our foundation as a family in the middle of this horrendous cross country move. It nearly did us all in. So I say to myself, well, no matter how intense it gets this time, at least we won't be in the Neon, moving across country. Some days that is all the comfort and reassurance I need.