Black and White Wednesday

Ev is just not interested in photo sessions these days, can you tell? There is just too much Kung Fu and sword fighting to do!
For more B&W Wed- see Lisa's Blog....

My Husband

My husband doesn't get enough credit . I mean he deals with me AND Chatty Kathy on a daily basis.
This is a really great guy here. I met him when I was 20. We have been together as much as possible for nigh on to 17 years now.
I love him now, like I did back then- only better. I have had more time to really see him, and the more I see, the more there is to love.
He found me, this past Sunday, having a crying jag in the shower. He just.... well, he did what any woman would want her man to do in that situation. He held me and he asked what was wrong and he really cared about the answer. I told him why I was crying and he said "well, what should we do about it?".
See that? He said "we". You can't buy that. You can't fake that.
He is my rock. He is the one thing in my life that has consistency. He is here with me. You know what I mean? Invested. Genuinely invested in our life together.
He is smart and funny. He is sexy and more than a bit absent minded. He is handy and capable.
As a father, he is outstanding. He has this special bond with Ev that I have rarely seen.
He thinks of us first.
He is also really good at his job. You know, the Coast Guard.
I love that our innate geekiness really mirrors each other. I love that we can make these obscure jokes about
the Mars Rover Missions or the Apollo Missions and we laugh and hoot and actually GET the jokes that the other person lays down. I love that he is as addicted to documentaries as I am. I love that he really thinks the things I crochet are cool. I love that he teases me about the crochet. I love that he makes no distinction between when I am good or when I am bad. My best or my worse- he loves me all the same. I love that we can hold entire conversations with movie quotes.
I just love this guy.
I am so glad I had the sense to marry him at a ridiculously young age.
He's kind of cute too- doncha think?

Funny Girl

Some things that Ev says, just plain cracks us up. Sometimes I have no idea where she gets the stuff she says. Today she was eating a grapefruit that her Gma got for her - now, this kid LOVES grapefruit, loves it. She was slurping away and said,  " You know? That old girl sure does come in handy sometimes!" this was, of course, in reference to her Grandmother and I, of course nearly choked when she said it.

Just yesterday she had some hair brained thing she was doing with Billy Bones (that poor cat has been wearing a necklace for a week now) , he was uncooperative (and that means being bite-y and generally bad but not running off, he was just messin' with her-like he does) and she said " Billy wait, while I demonstrate this!"

She looked at her dose of fiber today and said " Whoo hoo I am going to be blowing that bathroom up later!" (I know! This last bit was what you might call an over-share but really? What 5 year old- girl talks like that?) (oh mine does)

While "mopping" my kitchen floor this morning, she was chattering away and I confess I was answering on auto-pilot until I heard "well, I guess there's a first time for everything! Right Mama?" I am still not sure what she was referencing but, the kitchen looked okay and the house was still standing so, you know, all's well that ends well.

We headed out on a hot tip to try and find some silly kids shoes that I heard might be at TJMaxx, the shoes were not there and on the way home Ev started talking in what I call her Scarlett O'Hara Voice and she says " Oh! Mama! I have no freaking clue what those shoes looked like but I really wanted them. sigh. (insert long stare out of the truck window here). What am I ever going to do?"

That's my girl!




Update: it's the next day and I just hugged Ev and told her what a great kid she was. She turned on her million watt smile and replied, "well you know, I do keep my room clean and orderly. I don't even let trolls in"
HA!

What's For Dinner? (or Product Placement)

I spend alot of my time, in the kitchen. It seems I am always cooking or making the menu or making The List or going to the grocery store. I call it Running the Gauntlet.
We usually have tasty and relatively healthy dinners. Like to night? I made Blackened Tilapia with home made mac-n-cheese along with steamed broccoli. That's pretty standard I would say.
However, and, this is a big however, some nights I stage a revolt and we do not eat out and I refuse to actually cook, so I, umm "cook".
On those nights, dinner looks like this:

Yes, that is what I like to call a Hillbilly Pizza Pan (some of you out there might know that as tin foil) and lots of pre-packaged chemically goodness. And it's all good for breakfast the next day! Bonus!!
What?
I am not the only one who gives her kid chocolate cake for breakfast sometimes, am I?
Am I?
Well, you are ALL missing out.

Stuff

• It snowed yesterday. ACCUMULATION!!!! What the sam hill is that all about?!?!? We want warmth, sunshine, capri weather. It can not get here soon enough. 
• Ev is currently working on school work and weeping over lower case s. She hates, I mean HATES writing practice. I have comforted her and helped her and reminded her that this is why we practice - that every single thing she does , does not have to be perfect. Still- she weeps. She said, "I will just leave them out and you can write all the s's in for me later" Sorry kid. Gotta learn the s. I had to drag out some of her early writing so she could see her progress, that seems to have helped. I still hear the occasional groan and sniffle though. I can not wait for long division (snort)
• Our friends are coming for a visit tomorrow-5 of them. Ryan has been teasing me about making him a turkey dinner for about 4 years now. Guess what I am hauling my arse outta bed to put in the oven tomorrow? yes and most of the trimmings too. HA!
• Billy Bones is driving me nuts. He is wild and wants either shrimp or to be let outside- all. the. time.
• I have this whole Zombie Apocolypse/ Vampire thing ya know. I just watched Zombieland for the second time the other night. HA! Love that movie. 
• I have some deep emotions going on, about the wait, about infertility, about.. oh mostly those two things. I am just pretending that I am doing ok. Why? Because I am sick of being upset about the wait and infertility. Because I want to have my son and daughter under one roof and to be just moving on with life. 
• We are still re-doing the downstairs. I am currently using old blankets for curtains on the living room. Classy. We will be ordering new window treatments soon but these will stay up until then b/c I will be jiggered if I hang the old, putty colored mini-blinds back up!
• ( oh we just had a revolt staged over commas - I had to quash that rebellion- there's 5 minutes I'll never get back ; ) )
• There was another deep sigh and frantic erasing......ok. This post is over as I must go supervise The Attitudnal Pupil.......

Chapter 27: In which the adoption agency tosses us a bone and then Ev has an episode

We really did get tossed a bone last night. We had an e-mail from the agency that was all,  "hey- download Travel Packet 1". Now, no one loose it here okay, it was just one of those things they send that basically says, "hey -check your passports and here's all the money you still have to have to get that cute little guy home". It's one of those things they send to stave off crazy mothers from calling all the time (cough cough)  - you know busy work. How pathetic is it that I sat and wept with joy and fear that something was "happening". Shoot, that's a whole other blog entry. So anyway....
There I was getting all hopped up looking at passports and refiguring travel budgets. Les was on the couch asking questions and sussing things out in his mind. Ev was in-between us getting more and more silly/hyper.
In the middle of what I was doing, I sort of casually mentioned to Ev that she would be going to the Dr. and getting some immunizations. Now this is NOT something that would normally upset her. She is truly curious and interested in all things Medical. So when she started crying about "getting so many shots", my Mama/Spidey Sense kicked in.
I knew that she wasn't really crying about the shots. I stopped what I was doing. I pulled her onto my lap and I held her and rocked her as she cried for awhile. She calmed down soon enough and was busy wiping snot on my t-shirt. We chatted for a bit longer and she made a move to get off of my lap.
I listened to what my heart was saying for once. I stopped her. I looked at her and I touched her face and I told her this :
"Ev no matter what happens, if I have 1 kid or 2 kids or 20 kids. You are my first. My daughter. I love you beyond all reason and I always will. I will NEVER let you go through anything scary without me. I will always have time for you. I will always hold you when you want me to or when you need me to."And many other bits of my heart poured out to her.

Sometime during this statement, my daughter, that strong little person who never lets anyone see inside. She just melted in my arms. All of her defenses crumbled and she sat there, trembling in my lap. We cried together she and I.

She chatters so much. She smiles so much. She has learned to hold lots of things inside. That... I just forget sometimes. How very fragile she is, how very sensitive and just how much she needs me. I forget this chasm of grief that lives in her.

She doesn't not want her brother. She does want him. She just has this huge ball of very deep and complex emotions to go along with getting him that she just has a break sometimes. She will be super hyper or cry over something small. And I know. And I stop. And I hold her. And we talk.
And maybe someday she will learn to let me in more easily. Maybe someday she will understand that I am here forever.

Referral Pictures Side by Side

Is it me, or are these a couple of cute kids?

How to be a Hero

It's simple really. You just say, "Let's go to the park". That's it. Well, fries and frosties from a fast food joint afterwards helps.

75%

In case anyone is wondering, this is how I spend 75% of my days. Listening to the many and varied things that Evelyn has on her mind. Wonderful little girl.
Here she is explaining the rules of chess to me, in particular how The Queen moves and the rules about her.
If I am not looking at Ev when she is talking it's because I am cooking or driving or I am behind a closed bathroom door.
I can not imagine any other thing in life that I would rather do than hear what she has to say.


So, it's about 40  minutes later and I and I want to add some things to this post.
It's true. I do want to hear what she has to say. It's also true that she has quite alot to say. And sometimes? What I need is quiet. So there is that.
Some days I think that I might just go stark raving mad because there is honestly no break. No silence- none. She talks while eating, while bathing, while playing , while beading, while coloring, while doing school work. She has quite a load on her mind, the way the world works, how car repairs go, how will the trip to China go, where will Liam sit for dinner, every potential eventuality of our entire lives is her domain. I have seen her have to literally put her hand over her mouth and keep it there when I ask for 5 minutes of quiet- no she HAS to keep her hand there for the entire time or she will start in jabbering again. It is a physical/psychological thing going on. 
Some days I am very patient and then some days I am not. 
Some days at the end of the day I sigh and say, "wow, I did good". Some days all I can do is try and do better the next day. 
I know this is a recurring theme here. I get on and type away about how she talks, but honestly, I can assure you that you have never encountered a child that talks like this. My Mom, yes even Grandma will back me up on this. Incessant does not even begin to cover it.
I hardly ever go on Auto Pilot Response. You just can't do that with her for one thing, and for another she is so earnest and intelligent that a full, thought out response is required. I try to give her at least 10 minutes a day when I stop what I am doing and give her a free range chatter. I also am working on helping her learn how to internalize some of her dialog. I am also trying to stop the explanations about things that Les and I are supposed to take care of, I have started telling her " this is Mama's job so just let me take care of things and you can watch but pay attention and I bet all of your questions will be answered" - this seems to help and it seems to be relieving some stress, both mine and hers.
 I fear that alot of her logistical worries and questions are linked to her early days, that loss of control, and I think that she just NEEDS to know what is going to happen - all the time. I used to be able to do that for her- front load her so to speak. But she is older now and you just can't know what is going to happen all of the time in the real world, so I am trying to let her experience the unknowns in a way that leaves her feeling as safe as she can. I am trying to relegate her more to the role of a child and elevate Les and I to the Sole Caretakers, Decision Makers and Problem Solvers. 
The other issue is that she is so darn intelligent that she notices every single thing that happens. Every little comment we make, she hears and understands. Nothing is below her notice.
Then we have the fact that she is a child that really does not like being a child. She sees nothing about being a kid that is to her benefit. She understands enough about the world to understand that she doesn't understand it all- does that make sense? And she wants to understand it all, so she asks about everything. Her latest thing is to imagine a scenario, say the truck breaking down on the highway and then come up with not one but two plans that would solve that issue and get us all home safe. I have to hear these and then comment and tell her why or why not these would work, sometimes while I am humm humm in the bathroom with the door closed.
There it is. Some days I'm good, some days I'm great and some days I'm shit. But I try to be the best I can for this amazing and dynamic girl.
And that is the full, unblemished truth.

Boys are from Mars: Girls are from Venus

A conversation that I overheard yesterday in my truck as I was driving around a 10 yr old boy and two girls ages 5 and 8, really brought home the fundamental differences in male and female.
It went like this;
Aden: climbs into the truck and while still wrangling his backpack into position, proceeds to have a lengthy discourse on either Sonic the Hedgehog or Clone Wars or Back to the Future ( we really never know for sure what he's talking about but we make the appropriate noises and he seems satisfied)
------An aside: maybe that last bit in parenthesis should have been enough to clue me in on this big epiphany I had but well, I can be slow-------


Umm so okay, he takes a breath and the girls start in talking with each other.
Kate: Oh Evelyn I really like your shirt!
Ev: I was just going to tell you the same thing!
Kate: Oh my do you think our shirts are warm enough to wear outside or do we need jackets?
Ev: I don't know we can alaways HAVE the jackets and then wear them if we get cold.
Kate: That's a good idea, we'll do that. Oh I just noticed your shamrock on your shirt, that's so pretty, that light green on the pink like that.
Ev: Thanks, Katie I.......
Aden (interrupts): OH. MY. GOSH!!!!!! Are you REALLY talking about shirts? What a silly topic!!! SHEESH!  " So then Michael J. Fox goes........

I nearly crashed the truck because I was unable to breathe while laughing so hard. The thing that was funny to me and I guess why it struck me so profoundly was that it was ALL genuine. He really thought that their topic was stupid but, they were genuinely engaged. It must be that undisguised way that kids have about them that let me see it like I did.
Men there. Women here. Not bad at all- just different.

Then and Now

Five Year Referral

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


This is always a fun day for us. A little Erin Go Bragh, a few memories, and hopefully some beer later on (just one for me thanks).


Five Years ago on this day I got a very important call. It was Ev's referral call. I had worked all night and came home early because I suspected that the callers would think the AK stood for Arkansas. See, they start calls on the East Coast and work their way west, and I was in Alaska. I was right my call came at 8:30 am.


I remember that Les had borrowed a cell phone so I could call him at work and he was threatened with his life if he didn't when I called. He didn't ( and thus a long tradition of him not answering his phone at big moments began).
 I remember frantically scribbling down these little tidbits of information about her as my heart pounded and my hands shook.
I remember thinking that my life had just changed.
I remember the chills that ran up and down my back as I heard Fu Mei meant Lucky Plum... months before I had a dream of a  Chinese girl smiling at me and eating a plum.
I remember seeing her face for the first time and falling head over heels in love with her.
I remember the look on Leslie's face as he sat down in a chair, took her photo out of my hands and just looked at her for the longest time.
I remember the way my heart felt. Full and alive and aching.


I knew that I loved her. I bonded with her picture right away. I didn't expect to, as each Mama's reaction can vary. I thought that I would not have strong emotions for her until I held her or even until I had some sort of daily care and interactions with her. I can tell you that I was wrong. Love for Ev sprung into my heart as soon as I heard her name, as soon as I looked at her picture. It was there, like a click, a spring sipping into place, a dark corner finally being lit by sunlight.

I can say that looking back, I know what I felt was just that first rush. My love for her has deepened and grown and entwined itself into every part of me. I KNOW her now. I can see the kind of little person she is and I can say that she in one cool chic and I am honored to share my life with her. I am glad that she is here, selfishly, greedily jubilant- that she is mine.

Parrallels

Today is March 15.
 In two days we will have the 5 year anniversary of Ev's referral.
Today our Dossier for Liam made it to China.
Just two days shy of that anniversary.
Strange that.

Bullets

• My Butter Bean has just wowed me over the past few days with her reading. She drag Green Eggs and Ham off the shelf last week and just READ it. We taught her that. Cool!
• I love my cat, truly I do but if  he doesn't stop clawing the furniture I might have to skin him and hang his hide on the wall.
• I was really happy about the sun and 60 degree weather but just when I imagined us all out at this funky little neighborhood shopping and eating Thai- the cold and rain moved in. Ah well, we just started the Painting Project From Hell instead.
• The Painting Project From Hell is our entire downstairs. Trim, built in bookshelf, fireplace, wall paper off, wall sanding, carpet ripping out hell. It will be so worth it in the end. I am so ready to get this place up to date and in my taste.  
• Ev spent two night at Smokewood and I had a much needed break. I can not thank my sister and my Mom enough. For about 2 weeks I was not being the Mama I wanted to be and I couldn't get there and I couldn't figure out why. I needed a bit of a break that's why.
• My feelings about the wait have changed. Mostly because of what Kris left in my comments. About taking the time to just prepare. That one little phrase has seemed to be able to help me change my whole attitude and jump into what my life is NOW, thus the painting. (Thanks Kris)
• Ev and I are craving Sushi. Bad. She wants "those things that pop in your mouth when you eat them" , that's fish eggs. And I want some yellowtail rolls. Les is blissfully unaware right now but, we will be taken out for Sushi or else! Now Les doesn't really mind 'cause he loves it like we love it. So it should all shake out.
• I popped in Old Navy last night and I felt really old. I overcame though and I waded through all the teens on cell phones and I found a great summer top. Take that twiggy phone people!

How I Wunner Whuts You Are

Oh How I love this boy!! he is so cute and funny and he is growing so fast. I remember when he was born and I had a few moments alone with him and I rubbed his huge puppy feet and I said 'We are strangers right now but soon enough we will be friends". I think we are, even though Del Del makes him mind. I love him and I am proud of who he is becoming.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Fact or Fiction

Evelyn is at Grandma's for a little stay over time there at Smokewood.
Evelyn called me today and in the space of 15 seconds she declared that she was being a good girl about 20 times. As a matter of fact, informing me of this supposed goodness seemed to be the entire reason for her call.
I became immediately suspicious 'cause my mama didn't raise a fool. Also I wasn't born yesterday. And then I am the mother of a 5 year old.

Then I got to talk with Aunt Melissa. Now Aunt Melissa is Ev's personal Spin Doctor. The "Elaine-ness" that they share is a mighty tight bond and Aunt Lissa would NEVER tell the truth about her behavior  sell Ev down the river.
However today Aunt Melissa did say, and I quote "umm they are both being kind of...bicker-y to each other".
Knowing what I know?

Ev is probably giving them all hell.

The Salmon of Doubt

Anyone get the above reference?
No?
( I know I am a geek)(Moving on)

Last week we had salmon for diner. Delicious, fresh and tasty salmon. My favorite thing on the planet to eat. Only I had to BUY it from a store instead of fish it out of Kachemak Bay - so it wasn't all that perfect - but it was still very tasty.
There we were, ready to sit and partake. I called Ev "Ev come and get your salmon"
"Mama this is fish not salmon"
" Ev it is a type of fish called salmon so it's okay to say either word"
She looked at me with a skeptical tilt to her head.
It was on.

We repeated that same conversation for three days. Repeatedly.
Let me repeat myself. Three. Days.
That's what I said. Tres Dias.  Drei Tage.  Tre Giorni. Trois Jours. Drie Dagen.

I am not sure I ever convinced her. I think she wrote me off as a lost cause.

MAMA WINS!!!!!!!

I So Needed This!

You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down
And you can't keep draggin' that dead weight around.
If there ain't all that much to lug around,
Better run like hell when you hit the ground.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

You can't stop these kids from dancin'.
Why would you want to?
Especially when you're already gettin' yours.
'Cause if your mind don't move and your knees don't bend,
well don't go blamin' the kids again.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

When the morning comes.
When the morning comes.

Let it go, this too shall pass.
Let it go, this too shall pass.

Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

Hey!

Let it go, this too shall pass.
(You know you can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. You can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. You can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes.
(You can't keep lettin' it get you down. No, you can't keep lettin' it get you down.)

When the morning comes!

This Is What I Meant About The Duck Sauce

Sunshine Blessed Sunshine

Today was the day that the Sun finally decided to grace Ohio. OH- thank goodness. It has been a long and dark winter (which is probably why my outlook is so bleak).
Well it got sunny enough and warm enough (44 degrees) to strike out for the trail. It was Leslie's idea as I was laying on the couch in the grips of a terrible headache. He was pretty surprised when I jumped up and got my bright blue wind-pants and kerchief on! Ev was in her glory. She had her bike and this was her first rife after a long absence. She did great! When she wasn't riding, she was running and when she wasn't running, she was throwing snow balls at us. And talking and laughing the whole time.
Thank you Mr. Sun - we really needed that.

Buying Duck Sauce

Today I needed Duck Sauce. I am making Rachel Ray's Thai Chicken Pizza for dinner. This is an awesone dinner and I love it so. I also like to convert it into wraps when I am feeling angry at carbs - I digress...
All of the usual places that Caucasians go to buy Asian foodstuffs  i.e. your regular Market, they were all out of Duck Sauce. Really. Every Giant Eagle and local market in a 10 mile radius.
I had to find an Asian Market and go there for my Duck Sauce. You know the stuff that I am not sure they even use in Asian Countries. That stuff. I love it, I will confess. If I am making egg rolls, we will have the duck sauce and if we are having the Thai Pizza? We NEED the Duck Sauce.
Ev and I pulled up, got out of the truck and went in. We walked right into one of those great little places that are an extension of the owner's home country. There was an older Asian gentleman ( I think he was Chinese) at the counter watching a program on a tiny tv, the program was also Chinese I think. Well, we cruised the dimly lit aisles and I passed what was the coolest assortment of Asian ingredients I have seen compiled outside of China. I passed all of these up, not having a clue what most of it was or how to use it.
I went right to the Duck Sauce, snatched up a bottle and walked to the counter.
The fellow there, kept one eye on his program. Until he noticed Ev. Then he looked at her and looked at me. Looked again at her, smiled a bit, looked at me with a question on his face.
I felt a bit ashamed of my duck sauce. I wanted to hide.
There I was with my Chinese Daughter buying duck sauce from a Chinese Man and realizing that Duck Sauce was the epitome of my Asian cooking. ***
My point here is this. How can I teach any real thing about Chinese Culture to my children?
I will do what I can but, mostly I have to face the fact that they are Americans who look Chinese because they were born in China.
This is what I have to help them with. That difference in experience versus appearance.
Not an easy thing to do.

*** Now once or twice a year I DO make egg rolls from scratch. No kidding I even buy Napa Cabbage. Also I have a rice cooker. So maybe Duck Sauce is not the "epitome" of my Chinese cooking but it is pretty darn close. Oh! Also I make a killer Shrimp Fried Rice. 

Huh!

I must say that I pity my poor family. They are never quite sure what version of me they are going to get these days. If I continue on this route, I may be able to make a Mood Map to help them out. This week I have been pretty solid with the moods- in a 24 hour period that is. It goes like this: Numb Day, Happy Day, Going Down Day, Horrible Pessimism Day, Pissed OFF Day and then Recovery to Numbness and so on.....
I am not saying it's right or anything, it's just the way it is. I am a bit angry at our agency, it's a mis-communication thing that in reality is no big deal, I know that, but for right now I am mad. I am tired of the waiting- already. And I just read yesterday that "families waiting to travel will wait 3-5 months from the time China has BOTH dossier and LOI" Nice.  Let's talk about that for a minute. Nearly the entire summer. A 20 Month old boy. Time that we all just hang in limbo, waiting to love him and hold him, while he just gets older and older. More time for him to have to cement these times in his mind and emotions. You know what? Let's not talk about it.
I will sit here in my futile emotions and I will listen to The Cowboy Junkies and I will try to knock the psycho moods off and just be with Evelyn and Leslie.
What else can I do?
Today I am feeling as if I could tear the Great Wall apart brick by brick with my bare hands.
Les says to me "you know, so many good things have happened to get us to Liam, just have faith a little longer", that Faith is hard to maintain as I face the gaping maw of time that stretches between me and my son. Les says "we will get there and when we do, it will all be ok" but I think "what if it isn't, what if he  gets sick, what if they have already moved him from foster care to the orphanage, what if ....what if...what if...
I look at blogs of folks who are over there right now getting their son and I just nearly go blind with longing.

OK. Whining complete.

And yes much to my surprise it has been revealed after these many years that my word sparing, brooding husband is The Optimist! Who knew?

Things That I Have Learned

From International Adoption:

• Time is not your friend. It does not heal. It does not fly.
• Do not EVER remove staples. Just don't even think about the staples!!!!!
• When you have to put it all on paper, your life can seem pretty measly.
• It's completely ok to have about 500 moods a day.
• Fed Ex is WAY better than the United States Postal Service.
• Things only happen when you give up all hope.
• E-mails and phone calls that you sit around and wait days upon days for? Well, those only come in when you are indisposed.
• My husband is first rate at running a copy machine.
• Our agency is not infallible.
• You won't actually die from keeping a constant anxiety pain up in your left chest.
• You can get so stressed that your vision goes wonky for a little while.
• Eventually you WILL get on that plane.
• Your heart is stolen the moment that you look at those referral pictures and you are never the same.
• You don't forget for one minute that there is a baby waiting on you, no matter what is going on.
• Time and Government couldn't ever move as fast as you need them too. 
• Not all USPS Priority packages require the same amount in postage.
• Chinese New Year is not your friend either. (delays delays delays)

From Being Evelyn's Mother:

• It is possible to survive amidst constant chatter.
• She does not forget. Anything.
• She is probably smarter than me.
• She will never laugh when I change the lyrics to music. I do this alot, change songs so they are about Billy or her. This is just not funny to her.
• If your husband goes to work with glitter all over him, he blames you and not the 5 year old.
• It is not okay to have 500 moods a day.
• Changing plans is never a good idea.
• Sporks are the height of human ingenuity.
• A smile can change the whole course of a day.
• Hearing a giggle can lighten any load.
• Snuggle time at bedtime is the best 20 minutes of any day.
• Holding the hand of a 5 year old, can and does, make any boo boo feel better.
• There is magic in almost every moment, if you only know how to see it.
• Genetics do not affect the amount of love you feel for a child. Genetics- Schmenetics!
• Some children wear scars on the inside.
• It is possible, with love and patience and an understanding of where your child is emotionally, to help them heal their grief and loss and move on.

Reader McReaderson

Only the Grandparents are obligated to watch this. It's 6 minutes of Dr Suess so it's not for the faint of heart. Ev is very proud of her new reading skills but still too shy to read in front of anyone else. At this point she does remember most of it but you can still see her figuring a few things out.
My little reader.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This One is Her Other Brother

Magic for Rabbits

Ev is fascinated by Looney Toons recently, particularly Bugs Bunny. Today she said, and I quote....
" You know Bugs Bunny makes up good magic words. Like..... wala wala washington, newport news and then he says abracadabra and hocus pocus, abracapocus .......(sigh- think).......those aren't the words I would use. But for a rabbit? They're pretty good."

Heart Sick

The good news is that we have a new computer (thank goodness Americans can just charge things). The bad news is that 6 entire months of our pictures got lost in the transfer! I am sick over this. It was the last 6 months in 2008- so there's alot of Ev just gone. Thankfully I had a Shutterfly album with her Link Costume pictures on it and then I have 1 picture from her b-day that year and 1 Pic from Christmas (just of the tree) that were on Flickr. I am also thankful that it wasn't 6 months of baby pictures or the time we were in China- so it could be worse, so much worse. It's still hard to have lost all of those memories though. I do not have the best memory so I rely heavily on pictures to help me out.