Christmas Re-cap

Here are just a few of the pictures that we have taken for Christmas this year. Although I have a bunch of pictures, I was disjointed and unorganized in the taking, so I have missed getting a picture of everyone and there were non taken of the three of us together!! I missed getting any of my Dad or sister, only one of my Mom, hardly any of the adults with Leslie's family. Oh well, it was all fun anyway.
Christmas Eve was spent here at the house with Jodi. We all had a nice evening with a good dinner in our bellies and a roaring fire. Jodi brought presents and we had a stocking for her so we had a few gifts to open.
Christmas Morning- Ev was up at 7 am and neither she or I could go back to sleep- much to Leslie's dismay. We headed downstairs and the first thing that Ev wanted to do was to go check on the Dwarves the live in our basement (you know they keep the heat going, live under the house and brew beer), so we did that and then dove into the presents. I feel like maybe I went a little overboard this year but she enjoyed everything. The Mighty Masters Art Kit was a big hit and so was the Rocking Horse! Another fave was the Princess Leia costume that I found for 80% off and bought on a lark- she ended up wearing THIS all day at my Mom's instead of her party dress. After some play time with her new stuff, we headed down to my Mom's. Let me say that there was a veritable frenzy of presents there! It was chaos! We had a great ham dinner and then watched some of our old family movies that we hadn't seen in years. It was very emotional for me, to watch my parents young and proud and to see us as a young family.
Then on the 27th - Leslie's family came here for their Christmas shindig. We had 8 adults and 5 kids and that too was chaos. There was ALOT of great food and plenty of conversation. We let Scott and Aden join in with the adults to play Pictionary and they were quite good.
We have bee recovering ever since. The Leia costume seems to be just as enjoyable today as it was on Christmas and I now have several large art pieces to enjoy! This was a super Christmas and one of my favorites ever. I am still recovering but need to pull myself together for the New Year's Eve Feast that I have planned.....

Christmas Stuff-cont'd with bullets

• I finally have some Christmas pictures up. Blogger was acting up for awhile, by the time I got the slide show to work I didn't want to go in and add text for fear that an hour of work would go down the drain- so we have this addendum entry.....
• Decorating the tree was so much fun this year. Ev was really into it and was a helper with every stage. I always set out bits of fruit and snacks while we decorate so that's why she's munching on something in a couple of the pictures.
• I have a few pictures of our ornaments this year. Some ornaments Leslie and I have had from our first Christmas together so they are 15 years old! Hard to believe they have survived, as we have had many military moves during that time.
• The Polar Bear that Ev made is special to me. She just sat down last week and made it- all on her own! I love that it really does look like a polar bear and that it was her idea.
• My mantle forest is thanks to Leslie. I mentioned that I wanted a little pine tree forest up there and he went right out to his workshop and made those for me. They are all originals and I think they look quite pretty. Can you see the beeswax moose we tucked in?
• I have the panda ornament to honor China in a small way during our Christmas season.
• The octopus is from Hatteras- we love octopus around here so it's appropriate that we have one. We are not the only people I know with an octopus on the tree, Les' sister Jenny has one too!(they also have a panda!)
• I used to have alot more Christmas stuff about the joint, sadly we lost an entire tote in the last move and it was Christmas. I had alot of handmade things from friends and family in there so it's really bothered me that it's all gone.
• 2 days until Christmas!!!! I can not wait to see Ev's face when she sees her rocking horse! And her Mighty Masters Art Kit!!!!!

Christmas Stuff

Home Movies-or some run on sentences from a still medicated Mother

I sat last night with my husband and my daughter. We were all on our couch, one of us legally stoned on muscle relaxers, and we were snuggled up and talking. One thing lead to another and the family videos came out. So we sat on our couch, while the snow fell outside and we watched our movies from China.
We aren't like many adoptive families. I haven't shown these videos to Evelyn, except once when she was around a year or so and then she had nightmares for three nights. Most adoptive families have Gotcha Day videos- we don't. Most adoptive families watch these videos on a regular basis- we don't. I am not saying that they are wrong and we are right. I just felt that with Ev's personality and some of the things that we were going through with her that it would be best to just establish that she was ours and not focus so much on the adoption. We talk about China and I answer her questions any time- anywhere. She also has certain stories from China that she loves to hear and she will ask to hear them- when she wants. After we first got her and she was old enough, we weren't shy about bringing China up, but as she got older and I knew that it was established with her and I knew that SHE knew we were proud of her and where she came from- I backed off. Now, all of the China and adoption talk is instigated by Ev. I like it that way. I think it works for her.
There we were last night..... She wanted to watch the China videos. Bad. She really wanted to watch. So we started them. AND SHE LOVED THEM. I was so happy. You never know which emotion that the children will grab onto while watching those videos. I held my breath for a bit because when I got Ev, she was crying. I knew that she would notice that (duh) and I wasn't sure if that would make her nervous or sad now. She did notice and asked "why is she crying?" I just told her that she had, had a long day and that she was hungry and hot and tired- she said "oh- how little was I?" Then she sat there, watching those first moments and the smile on her face was a mile wide. She sat there all cuddled up next to me and watched as we became the family that we are. She had a million questions and she was happy the whole time that we watched. I sat and cried and cried.
My emotions were all over the place. Now that I know Ev so well, I could look at that little face and see how afraid she was at first. I watched the footage of me rubbing her all over with lotion for the first time and how she just laid there, mystified and loving it and looking at me as if to say "what is this?"and I knew that no one had ever touched her like that and she was amazed at the way it felt. I watched as she drank her first few bottles after we had gotten her used to a smaller hole and her meals started lasting more than 45 seconds and I knew that she had never had that luxury. I cried for all of those reasons, and more. I cried because I have this , almost muscle memory of how it felt to clutch her to me for the first time and how I am sure that my heart had never taken a beat until that moment. I cried because that tiny, hungry frightened little baby was now a bright, funny, chatty, sassy, sturdy little girl -right next to me. I cried because , quite frankly, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am glad to be her Mother. I am glad that I can call her mine.
I have the sweetest cutest girl.
And I went to China to get her.
And now she's here.
How cool is that?

HALT!!!!!!

I have impeccable timing , as always. I raised my head off of my pillow this morning and, apparently this outrageous feat of physicality has pulled a muscle in my back. My upper back on the left side. This is the same muscle that was always hurting with my herniated discs so, for awhile I was panic-y and teary. Thankfully it IS just a muscle pull and I have plenty of narcotics and muscle relaxers on hand to help. Yes, I believe in better living with pharmaceuticals.
Any hooo- this means that I have to stop all forward motion for a day or two. I have already missed a second viewing of Twilight with Jodi, and I had to NOT bake today. The upside is that I get to float around in a drug induced state while Leslie makes me wonderful Dagwood Sandwiches and checks the heat on my heating pad and Ev brings me pieces of gum and scraps of paper (it's her way of helping).
I had some posts about the decorating of out tree and some other things, but it will all have to wait until I am not hurting and I don't have a head full of cotton candy.
For now? I am off for a round of Darvocet, muscle relaxers and some tacos that The Dynamic Duo are now cooking......oh! and don't forget hours of sitting on the heating pad holding my head at a funny angle......

Tree Acquisition

Pretend Santa

Last year, Ev made no secret about her disdain for Santa. She marched about the Hatteras house and locked all of the windows and doors on Christmas Eve. We took her to a Breakfast with Santa thing and she just LOOKED at him, for 10 seconds and then she was pale and shaky for about 20 minutes. This year things are a bit different. Santa is allowed in the house, but he is not permitted to do any wandering about the joint, he has to come down the chimney, put the presents down and then go right back up that chimney. She's seriously considering the Santa Snack, as that would mean loitering if we leave a snack but she doesn't want him to get hungry either. She did absolutely refuse to do another Breakfast thing with Melissa and Brevin last week.

Today, however, she wants to go to the mall and tell Santa what she wants for Christmas!!!! I am shocked at this new development but, remain skeptical...... We had to have this long talk about Santa and WHY he would be at the mall and HOW could he be there if he had so much work to do before Christmas. I had to fess up that sometimes Santa had special helpers that pretended to be him so all of the kids could get a visit in, but that the pretend Santa's used special Christmas Magic to get all of the messages to the REAL Santa. She thought about this for a minute and said "yepurs a pretend Santa will be just fine. I don't really want to meet the Real One-he's freaky out."

By the way, she said that she would ask for two things- a Mighty Masters Art Kit (an easel with the required art tools) and a Rocking Horse. I have the art kit- better get on that Rocking Horse thing.......

23 In View

Sometimes They Do That

We spent some time at Grandma's house this weekend. With Evelyn and Brevin in the same house, being territorial about toys, one is likely to see Evelyn walking around with about 5 or 6 strange and seemingly unrelated things. She keeps a death grip on these items lest, dum dum dummmmm, BREVIN PLAYS WITH ONE- gasp shock cringe. This weekend she was carrying two rolls of Smarties(the candy), a small red plastic spoon, an old cell phone (real one that no longer works) , a green hairbrush, a play stethoscope and her aquarium ring- nice right? I can't tell you, this girl just walks around ALL day with this crap in her hands- how she manages to pee is beyond me. So this is the mindset. The items change from visit to visit, but it's always as many as she can carry and keep track of.
Here's the scene, everyone milling about, it's nearing bed time. Melissa says "Brev please go get a pull-up." Brevin ignores her, so Evelyn runs into the laundry room at the far end of the house from where I am, to get the pull-up. She walks around the corner and in about 3 seconds, I hear her scream. SCREAM. This was not just any scream, this was "I am in mortal danger and need to be saved" kind of scream. This was a scream to make any Mother's heart stop beating and go on complete overdrive to reach the obviously, critically wounded child. This was a primal scream of agony.
My head turned off and I went on adrenaline to get to Ev. I had to start off running from the living room, make it through the dining room, turn a corner and then make another right turn into where , whatever was happening to Evelyn , was.
This is what happened......
SCREAM!!!!!!!!
My higher functions turn off.
My legs start moving.
My legs get going real good.
A cat shows up from nowhere and tangles about my feet.
Because I had such momentum going, my feet stop to do the silly little cat dance thing, but my substantial upper body? That keeps moving.
I go completely horizontal in the air.
I fall, in this kind of hurried, slow, long, stumbling fall that lasts for half of the dining room.
I land right on my hands and knees.
Evelyn is still screaming.
I try to use a dining room chair to get up.
Bad idea.
The chair tips over and I am back on the ground.
I don't even bother to get up as Ev is still screaming.
I crab crawl the entire rest of the way to Ev.
I arrive at the scene.
There was no blood. Evelyn was standing there crying a bit while her Grandpa- oh Grandpa? yes, he was in the kitchen about 1 foot from Ev when this thing started so he was with her at the moment I went horizontal in the air.......well, Grandpa was there. Wiping off the cell phone and talking calmly and nicely to the traumatized child.
It seems that the screaming was because, while reaching for the pull-up, she dropped her cell phone in the toilet. THIS, This is apparently what we use the "OH MY GOD THERE IS A WEREWOLF IN THE BATHROOM AND HE'S ABOUT TO EAT MY FACE OFF" scream for.
I have to say that I wasn't that sympathetic with her over this ordeal.
Where were her Grandma and Aunt Melissa you ask yourself? What did they do when Ev screamed bloody murder? Did they feel alarm in their souls? Did they jump up to help?
NO.
They sat on the couch and laughed at the Mama nearly killing herself to get to her child. They didn't just laugh... they lost complete control of themselves and sat there in gasping , shuddering heaps, laughing at me. Me- flying thru the air, landing, crawling and generally making an ass out of myself to get to Ev. Over. A. Dropped. Cell. Phone.
Sometimes kids scream over little things.
Sometimes my Mom and Sister laugh at the plight of others.
Sometimes Grandpa's have that $#!* under control.
Sometimes Mama's fly.

All's Well That Ends Well

Yesterday, after a nap, Bean woke up and she was back to herself. Whew! That was a close one.
While she was napping I was able to get my cooking for the party done and then I got us ready in record time- from shower to car door with a side of manicure in about an hour- this is a note worthy occasion in our household.
As I was putting on my red sparkly earrings and bracelet for the party, Bean gasped and rushed into her room, grabbed her jewelry box and put on jewelry of her own. She wanted to wear an orange and green bracelet and a plastic, huge "aquarium"ring. These things did NOT match her, oh so pretty black and red Christmas dress but she was just so happy I just didn't say anything and let her go with it- she wore them all night at the party too.
We had fun at the party, it was a carry-in type and we ate and sat and talked with some of the guys that Les works with. There are a couple of really great and funny guys , so we had alot of laughter going on. Ev was the only kid there! She just hung out with us and eventually started playing under the table. After a bit she came out and pranced about the joint, making all of these young, single Coasties play "Restaurant"- HA!!!



You can really see her jewelry in this one

Full view of her Party Dress-I love her in this dress, it just swishes and swirls when she moves.

Here is a picture of Bean and her Mama-excuse the flash on my glasses.

Bean and her Papa. Oh how we love this man.

Please Read As Tongue In Cheek or Something

I am going to knock her block off today. You all know who I am talking about.
HER.
THE BEAN.
She is a chattering, non-listening to Mama, mouthing Mama off kind of girl today and I have nearly blown a gasket trying to maintain "The New Mama". The Swami Mommy.
So far so good. But this household may experience an Atomic Event before the day closes.
AAARRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!
Leslie is coming home early today and it's a good thing. I just laid Mouthy McMoutherson down for a nap until he gets home and can help me field the verbal jabs.
Now, she is "Classically Trained" in smart-assedness- by yours truly of course, so she is a freaking expert------AT FOUR. Oh and really she is some sort of Mensa when it comes to the whole, "let's ignore Mama and do what we want and then stare at the wall just above her head when she is trying to correct us" sort of thing.
There you have it- an Ignore You/Mouth Off Combo that is sure to make Mama's Circle of Willis blow at any moment. Also? She has added a dash of Maggoty Maggoty (that's whining and whimpering over the silliest thing). I tell you, the kids a genius.
Sheesh. Maybe she needed a nap about an hour and a half ago? Maybe I too am a genius -at Mothering Techniques and THIS particular combo of holding off the nap when she so obviously needs one, breathing through your nose at her (kind of like a winded horse) while trying to ignite your eyes into anger lasers will eventually be the "IN" thing when it comes to parenting.
Who's to say?
So the whole dressing up and heading out for Leslie's Coast Guard Christmas party will be a whole barrel full of laughs.

What's In a Name???

We have a ...hum hum... few names for Evelyn around here.
Her full given name is Evelyn Elaine Fu Mei Dillon.
Evelyn is her very own name picked out by Leslie and I.
Elaine is after her Aunt Melissa (Melissa Elaine) who is named after our Aunt Tanya (Tanya Elaine)
Fu Mei is her Chinese name, given to her in China. Fu Mei means Lucky Plum. (pronounced foo may)
As if that isn't enough, we have added a few more monikers into the mix, mostly these are nicknames or a once in awhile kind of name. Some of them are for specific times(you know, like Hungry Pete-for when she's hungry). Here goes:
Butter Bean - Leslie called her a tiny butter bean about 3 hours into having her and it stuck- from that you get....
Bean
Bean Dip
Beanarella
Bean-o-licious
Dip
Dipper
Dipper-Do
Dippanella
Dippity Do
Then from Evelyn you can get.....
Ev
Evie(counts as two for eeeeveee and ehveee)
Eve
Evie MacANevie
Evers
Evers b'devers
A few from Fu Mei....
The Fu-ster
Fu Mei
Yi Fu Mei (her Chinese name with the surname Yi-pronounced eee)
Mei
Mei Mei
Plum
Plumarella
Lucky Plum
Then there is just silliness.....
Muffin
Muffin Head
Muffin Top
Hungry Pete
Sticky Vicky
Sweaty Betty
Thirsty Thirsty
Hungry Muffin
Jabberwocky
The Jackhammer
Slappy(she hates this one)
The Road Troll
Monkey
Monkey Head
Monkey Jane(one of my personal favorites)
Bossy McBosserson
Nosy Parker
oh and when she was a toothless Butter Bean? She was, of course, Gummy Gummerson.

Attmept No. 1

I tried and tried last night to get a picture or two for Ye Olde Christmas Card and guess what? They didn't quite make the cut for cards- surprise surprise. In previous years it has taken about 200 pictures to get a decent 4 or 5 to choose from for a card. Arggh. The CG Christmas party is Friday and I am hoping that we will be able to get a few there that will work. Even though these are cute, they won't be on the card (unless I get desperate).

Evelyn and I have spent the day just being House Trolls. We made a construction paper chain to count down the days until Christmas, we worked on letters and numbers recognition, we played Spa Day -that's where there's a huge warm bath drawn and Ev gets to play in the tub forever with several "warm-ups if needed, using every soap in sight- then out of the bath for a total body massage, hair blown dry and styled and make-up applied. Now she is coloring downstairs with Billy Bones close by offering assistance and by assistance I mean that he is trying to chew on her paper, the crayons, the crayon box, the table, her hands, her head and maybe even the couch- I know this because I hear "NO!!! BILLY BONES YOU STOP THAT!!!!" about every 4.5 seconds.

Have I ever mentioned that Billy chews things? He chews anything, anywhere anytime-really- metal, paper, cardboard,plastic,fabric-anything. He also talks. yes, I know-don't roll your eyes. He walks around making these little chirps and burbles -all of the time. He makes announcements about his goings on, he inquires about your goings on, he burbles at the animals outside, he holds entire discourses on any number of catly subjects....So when I say that he is downstairs chewing on things, he's also talking about it.

Between Ev and Bill? It's like there's a whole zoo in here and it's just the two of them.

Monkeys and Tigers and Gigglers -OH MY!!!!

Playing with Papa

Leslie can sit and play for, what seems to be hours with Evelyn. It usually involves building things, or Pirate Wars....

A note on the Pirate Wars though- ever since we were in Savannah last year and Ev had the scare of her life at "The Pirate House" restaurant- she HATES pirates- anything vaguely piratical in nature is summarily dismissed. She has this cute pirate ship toy that we got her last year and she just wasn't playing with it - um duh? And Les finally figured out that she did not like the pirate action figures that came with it, yes it took us a year. So we tossed out the pirates and her ship is now manned by Ty Beanie Babies and one black and white kitty puppet. Hey -it works.

These are pictures from the latest building session. They ended up with a big crane and Ev was acting like a Buoy Deck Supervisor on a CG Buoy Tender (like her Papa was in Alaska) and she was using the hand motions and all. It was very cute but I was well into toilet cleaning by the time they reached that stage and could not stop for pictures.

They Call Her...Pink Fury

This is Evelyn doing some "Sword Moves". She really gets into this as you can see and takes herself completely serious. Leslie was holding up couch pillows as her targets and she was going at them as if they were ill mannered Goblins (you know, like Link). I love her face and the breathing and the defiance. I especially love the juxtaposition of the pink pj's with the Death Bringing Equipment- don't you?

Thought I'd Mention

I have been bustling about the house today- catching up on some housework that I have let slide for awhile. Leslie came in from work and started playing with Bean. As I went through my day of cleaning, we all passed each other, we helped each other and we sat at the table for two meals. Pretty much we had a regular, no frills kind of day.
It was wonderful. I love having this chattering little being in my life. I love hearing Leslie and her, in the basement playing. I love holding her and feeling the warmth of her body, smelling her hair.
I am so grateful to have her in my life. I am so lucky to be her Mama. I am so lucky to have Leslie- he is pretty much the best husband a woman could have.
I can not even imagine my life without her in it. I look back at December 2003- that was our last Christmas without Ev- and it was awful. Everything just felt wrong. Everything was empty. It makes me really think about the folks I know that are waiting for their daughters. I have nothing to say to them to soothe this time. Just know that when you hold your daughter for the first time, these long dark days will fade so quickly and you will only think about them again to compare how absolutely full your life is with HER.

The Jackhammer

Let me start off with a very, very simple statement- Evelyn Talks. Now, let me explain... Evelyn talks- all of the time- non-stop- in your face- answer requiring- talks. Evelyn talks all of the time. I am not sure that you can grasp this if you haven't been around her lately, for like, well, since she started talking. I have NEVER in my life heard a kid talk so much! I feel like some of you might be saying " Evelyn? Really? How bad can it be? Obviously that Michal is making use of hyperbole again just to be funny."
UMMMMM
Nope.
The kid talks people. You have no idea. Leslie and I really do call her The Jackhammer- because there is a constant rat-a-tat-tat of convo in your face from the moment that she wakes up until she falls asleep. Let me tell you, she starts talking to me in the morning, BEFORE SHE IS EVEN IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME and she is still talking as I close her bedroom door at night AND THERE HAS BEEN NO NOTICEABLE BREAK.
Now I love my daughter dearly and would do anything for her. I love to hear what she has to say- just sometimes? I wish she would internalize her dialog. If you have a talkative child you can feel my pain - somewhat. If you have a quiet child, you live on a completely different planet than me and you should drop over some day in your rocket ship of sanity and give my tired ears a break-you listen to the endless lists of things that her Baby or Papa Juan have packed into imaginary backpacks, and I'll head out to a deep, dark forest and listen to myself breathe awhile.
I am pretty used to it by now and I do use the tricks of timers for "quiet play" and I am not shy about asking her to hold off on some talking while I say, use the facilities (because she WILL chatter thru a closed door at me the whole time I am in the bathroom). So I afford myself some breaks and I do set limits with her it's just- she's - well The Jackhammer.
I am mentioning this because she has ramped things up a bit lately and I am behind on my, much valued Ear Calluses and I have been noticing. We were driving two days ago, we were headed to my Mom's house. That drive lasts for 1 hour and 20 minutes and Evelyn talked every single second of the way. Well, except for when I burst out in Cleveland traffic and said "Ev you just have to stop talking now or I may have a car wreck!!!!! OKAY????" Do you know what she did? I'll tell you, she turned to Papa Juan (he is a stuffed orange tiger that was dressed in huge socks, a striped purple shirt and a baby doll diaper-his "Road Clothes") and said, in the most sarcastic tone she could muster, "Well ! Papa Juan I will just have to talk with you because obviously someone in this car can not drive AND talk at the same time" Yes, that's a quote- no hyperbole there either. And then she just talked to the tiger- at least she whispered for about 5 miles.
On the way home tonight? Same thing. Except in an attempt to put her to sleep I had the heater up a bit. So by the time we hit Cleveland again she went "whew! My mouth is so dry!!! I have talked this whole way home! Did you know that Mama? I talked the whole way. You are SO welcome for keeping you company"
Right now she is finally quiet for the day. I just peeked in her bedroom and saw her there all pink and cuddly and I was really wondering "oh what is she dreaming about?" I'll tell you this, I will only have to wonder for about 8 more hours as she will be telling me all about it, as she climbs out of bed, two rooms away.
If you doubt my ability to judge this Jabberwockie of a kid- just ask my Mom about it, or my Dad, or my Sister or Jodi- they'll tell you. It's really the only subject that any one of the above mentioned people ever, EVER give me any sympathy over. That's saying something.

Sigh....I am just now starting to digest all o' dat turkey

We are home. Actually we got home late Saturday night but since my food coma has lasted until about now, it doesn't really count that we were here. I mean we have just all laid about in pj's attempting to think about a plan , anything to get us out of the house. Well, I am not counting the trip where we went out and replaced all of the plastic kitchen stuff that we tossed out right after we got home Saturday night.
Yes, okay we do weird stuff like that. We walk in after being gone for a few days and we immediately so something very , umm, ocd- like cleaning out closets or taking several things up to the attic and then, whoa!, noticing the attic is kind of messy so we clean it (yes this has really happened). And it's best if these "Entry Projects" are completed at a really "off" time, like say midnight or later. This trip, I guess those nasty, cancer causing BPA's have been on our minds, apparently. Les and I walked in the house, put Bean to bed and then, without a word being said to each other, we just started divesting ourselves of the BAD BAD PLASTIC CRAP. The next day (Sunday), we were forced to go out to TJ MAXX and buy a whole bunch of glass and stainless steel stuff to replace the plastic. I feel better now. Les feels better now. It was necessary people, it really was. Other than that? Lifeless lumps-all of us.
We had a great Thanksgiving though. It is so great to be close to friends and family, I just can't get over it, it feels like luxury still. We spent Thursday with Leslie's family in Columbus. Man, can my sil Rae cook a turkey. I ate so much that day that I was in severe pain for several hours, I am not exaggerating here, I over-ate, it was bad but oh so good. The next day we spent with my family in Mansfield- where we continued the theme of over-indulgence. We then, stayed an extra day so that we could visit with Dan and Cheri, who were in from Chicago. Don't kid yourselves we overate that day too. I mean we went out to lunch at the best chinese restaurant in the states- so it was a given that I eat myself into a stupor on egg rolls and War Su Gai- right? Right? Right. OH? And before we left for the visits, Jodi came here and we all ate ourselves sick on Turkey Enchiladas that were to die for.
We had so much fun with everyone. It was nice to see Dan and Cheri as we haven't seen them since their wedding. Evelyn had a great time playing with all of her cousins. I had a great time watching Uncle Jeff dance to Michael Jackson (possible video to follow-if Jeff says he won't sue me or kill me if I put it on here).
All in all we got to see most of the people that we care about and we ate like Romans, or people who ate very well in huge amounts and super quality- yeah - Romans, Rich Romans. Good times.

Time For Bean To Disco

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

The Smokewood Gang Does Disco....

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Gobble Gobble

This is one little turkey that hopes you have a great day. She wants your tummies to be full of turkey and pie and the kitchen fairies to come in and clean up your kitchen while you sit on your couch, all fat and happy. Okay, that's what I want for myself, Ev just wants to go play with some cousins and talk Star Wars. So, yes, have a Happy Thanksgiving one and all!!! We tried to get Ev talking tonight about some things that she was thankful for, she mentioned her bike and her wagon- isn't it wonderful to be four?

Smokewood Gang? Hello? There will be dire consequences if there is no more Pecan Pie when we arrive. I can't really say what will happen but it will be ugly and , oh so painful. So do yourselves a favor and use a little self restraint in the Pie Dept. - or else. I mean it, I am wearing my "I am so serious and I won't like it but I will hurt you" face, as I type this.

Really.

Really.

It will be as if the Hounds of Hell have been released upon you.

WE WANTS MOAR PIE!!!!! (I think you get the picture)

Beautiful Girl

Widjes, Aldadaydurrs and Muhndeez

We were at Grandma's house this past Sunday. Really this trip was all about yours truly getting to see Twilight and Daniel Craig (oh I know it was a Bond film but I have to say I really did not notice the plot too much because of Daniels ass mostly). However, Brevin and Evelyn managed to have some super cuteness that I got to document on film. These two have been in a rough patch lately- fighting cousins all of the way- it was getting very old and anxiety inducing to say the least. It seems on Sunday though, we just had one of those days where they both clicked and there was just playing and imagining. This clip will show a bit of the round and round running and yelling that was taking place in my parent's living room as the kids ran from ....um a witch, alligators and a monkey?( I understand the witch and the monkeys, they had just watched the Wizard of Oz - but the alligators???) yeah, that's what they say. For whatever reason, Evelyn felt it was of the most dire need to save that empty paper towel roll from the Triad Of Evil as well. Later they were running with a pair of boots and a pair of slippers (dippers as Brev calls 'em)....so, you know. They had so much fun and they were sweaty and breathless long before they quit. Oh yeah this was 10 p.m. !!!!!!!! What wonderful parents we are.
I love the way my nephew talks by the way, all full of d's and ummm's and thinking, I imitate his speech all of the time, it's really really fun to do that but, Melissa thinks I am being mean and my Mom will slap the poo outta me if she can reach me when I do it. I can't help it, it all just sounds so cute. That's my Dad back there, laughing at the kids.

Not much happening....

• Evelyn DID end up with a stiff and sore neck for two days but now she's back in fine form.
• My parents drove up for the afternoon/evening on Wed. and Ev got some much needed face time with two of her favorite people.
• I am a hormonal mess. I am in full on self hate mode and then a pair jeans I wear alot, had a blow out in the knee (with the crotch not far behind) and that forced me to go out jean shopping!!!! The only thing worse than trying on bathing suits is trying on jeans or torture, like with blowtorches and toothpicks under the nails..... really.
• On Sunday, if all goes well, I will get to go to the movie theater twice (once with my Mom and then again with Les). I will get to see Twilight and Quantum of Solace. I am actually wondering of my cortex can handle so much hawtness in one day but if my head does explode- whatta way ta go. Let me sum up- Edward the Vampire AND Daniel Craig-oh meee oh myyy.
• Evelyn's new found love of snow continues. I have to dress her warmly and turn her out everyday so she can tromp around in it. She calls it "Snow Crunching" and I think that she considers it a Community Service.
• While shopping for jeans for myself (I didn't buy any) I had to distract myself with looking at Seasonal Dresses for The Bean. We got two of the cutest party dresses that I have ever seen. One is for Christmas and then another one was bought for New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day and her Birthday. Oh yeah, I feel very lucky to have found one dress for those three days and it was only $15- gotta love Marshall's.
• Last week while out looking for, what I call "quality" furniture pieces for the house ( this place is called the Miscellaneous Barn and it's chock full of that "is this junk or antique" category that I love)- I came across the perfect big girl bed for Ev. It's a metal headboard and frame that's painted a cute green and it's from the 1930's- I love it. It's in great shape (original paint) and it's as sweet as anything and I got it for $59!!!! I can't wait to get her room all painted, the bed on place and her new quilt on it.....
• I finally got The office Season 4 in the mail from Netflix today and I am champing at the bit for Butter Bean's bedtime so I can sit down and laugh, laugh, laugh.
• I noticed the other night that there is no more baby fat left on Bean's wrists. My heart broke.
• Evelyn has decided that she still does not want to grow. She said to me "Mama, water makes plants grow right?", I distractedly said "well yeah" she said " I thought so. That's why I am NOT drinking anymore water, I do not want to grow anymore, because if water makes plants grown than it makes me grow too. I will be your Butter Bean for ever and I won't drink water" I sort of just, well, looked at her and well....looked at her. I had no idea what to say.

E.R. Visit or Evelyn Punks Mama Out

SO this morning. okay it wasn't really the morning...it was just before 11am. (now I have no idea what I did to deserve this sleeping in until 11am but I wasn't arguing when I rolled over and it was 9:30 and Ev's room was quiet, I just understood the luck of such a thing happening and went back to sleep) hum hum
Like I was saying, this morning, Evelyn starts sighing and rolling in her room. I could hear it over the monitor. Then I heard a "BAM!" "AGGGHHHH MMMMAAAMMMAAAA IIIIIII NEEEEEDD YOUUUU!!!!!!!!" "MMMMMAAAAAMMMMAAAA" I jumped out of bed and nearly killed myself getting to her. In the space of 12 steps, I tripped twice, stubbed a toe and ran into a door frame. I get there and she is laying flat on her back, clutching the back/left side of her head/neck. She is crying and moaning. I asked what happened and she told me that she hit her neck on her bed. I tried to touch her to check her out. That was a bad idea. She screamed and cried some more. I just sat there like a lump for a minute, waiting for her to calm down enough for me to look her over. When I could, I saw a red mark on her left neck, no lump, no blood. She seemed calm but she still wouldn't turn her head on her own. I knew that she didn't have a concussion or anything but I was worried about her neck. I called Les to see where we have listed to go to for a Pediatrician. He said "hell no take her to the E.R.", now I am a nurse. This does not seem to matter when Ev is hurt, really hurt. PLUS she was doing this weird "I refuse to move and you must move me as a single unit if you do the moving or else I will cry and scream", so I decided that Les was right. I gave her some Motrin and since she wasn't vomiting or loosing consciousness, I showered. Les met us here at the house and we went to the local Pediatric E.R. Nice visit. By the time Ev had some face time with Papa and the Motrin kicked in , she was her old sparkly self. Of course this did not happen until like 30 freaking seconds before the Doctor walked in. SO that was good.
Oh and let me say that by the time Les saw her, she was no longer crying or acting funny, just laying still and being quiet. So yeah. I looked like a punk. I don't care though. I want her to be safe. I think it was okay that I took her and I'm really, really glad that I look like a punk. Because in the end I usually do anyway-on a daily basis and this time it means that Ev wasn't hurt.
By the by, she thinks that this morning's trip to the hospital was a hoot. No bloodwork or anything nasty to take away from the fun of being a medically obsessed child in a hospital. I swear she would have taken the otoscope if she could have fit it down her pink fleece Santa p.j.'s

Plaid Dress

This is a plaid dress that we got form Aunt Jenny. As soon as Evelyn saw it, she wanted it on-had to have it on. I dressed her in it today with a pair of white tights and she has been twirling about ever since. She loves this dress and so do I. She looks so adorable in it that I can't hardly keep my hands off of her. She has been telling me of all the places that she would like to wear this dress. Here's her list
To a zoo
To Grandma's House
To an Aquarium
At Christmas
At Thanksgiving
To Papa's work
To Jodi's house
Maybe she could sleep in it?

By the Fire

To Evelyn

Dear Evelyn,

I have been doing alot of thinking about those days before you came into my life. Do you want to know how I got through to re-telling of all of that sadness for me? By listening to your play, either right here at my feet or off in your room. I could hear you dancing and singing and fussing at Billy Bones and I knew that you were here. My daughter. My special muffin head and that at least once in my life I did the right thing and got you in the bargain.

I love your little round face. I love the way that your eyes light up when you are teasing your Papa and me. I love that, even though in that picture up there, it looks like Billy is about to eat your face off, you are really good to your cat and you two play together quite a bit. I am proud of the way you act in public. I love hearing you fanatically counting things right now- you count everything. I loved that when I was reading your bedtime story last night, you just burst out and recited nearly the whole book from memory (you even did the funny voices the way that I do them). I love the way that your hair smells in the mornings. I love the way you look wearing hats. I love to watch you nod off to sleep in your car seat, even though you fight it so hard. I love to wait and listen, to find out what your daily musical selection will be. I love to hear you say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I love when you climb up on my lap to tell me a secret. I love that I can never do the smallest, insignificant change around the house without you noticing. I love that, the other day you got your doll stuff out and decided that Baby's clothes were a mess, so you spent 20 minutes folding and organizing her things. I love that you can really and actually help me put groceries away. But, what is most in my mind as I watch you play and hear you singing along to your music and I answer your 50 gajillion questions? What is making my heart ache in the nicest way today?

The way that your sleepy face lit up with an interior magic and I saw possibilities blossom in your mind when I woke you up last night in the middle of the night to show you the snow. I got your warm sleepy body up and held it close to me and waited while you shook off your dreams and then I whispered " Evelyn sometimes the best magic happens when you sleep." I pulled up you window blinds slowly to show you the snow falling. It was falling in big white chunks that drifted lazily down. When you went to bed we just had our regular street out there but by this time, everything was covered in beautiful, sparkling whiteness. You saw that, and after you got done worrying about if the garbage men would take the garbage this morning if the cans were covered in snow. After you completed your initial, practical survey, you got real quiet and looked and looked. And then the best, slowest , sweetest, most secret smile lit your face up. Your Papa was right there with us and he watched , not the snow, or me, but you, and all that you revealed to us in that moment.

You are our dream Evelyn.

We are lucky to have you.

Love,

Mama

The Story: Part 3 North to Alaska

When Leslie first joined the Coast Guard, I told him that it was fine with me but there were three places I did not EVER want to live in. My list went like this :
1 New York
2 Alaska
3 Guam
Our second duty station was New York. So when Leslie came home from work one day and talked of being transferred, I laughed and said it better not be to Alaska. I mean, I had all that I could handle at that point, I was in complete turmoil and my heart was broken, I couldn't even think of moving there.
Leslie went to a meeting with the Detailer.
Leslie called me on the phone.
Leslie said I should drive to the station and talk with him.
Leslie nearly died that night.
Yes, we got word, we were headed to Alaska, number 2 on my list of places I NEVER wanted to live. You gotta love Military Life.
It got worse though. We were headed to Alaska but then Leslie would be leaving for SIX FREAKING MONTHS to go with the crew to get a new boat. In Wisconsin and then they would have to pilot that damn thing all of the way around the world to get it back to it's home port.
I think what helped me go along with this was the numbness. The complete numbness. I was grieving but I had no idea for who or what really and I had no idea HOW to do it.
So, we moved.
One day I had that single round of AI. Three days later I was in an airplane for the first time in my life-moving to Alaska.
One of my very first tasks there in Homer was to get a Doctor's appointment and confirm with blood work the negative pregnancy test. I learned at that Doctor's visit that the AI didn't take. I wasn't pregnant. I also learned that the nearest Fertility Clinic was four hours away in Anchorage. I learned that I couldn't even get an appointment there before Leslie headed off on travels for the CG. I learned essentially, that I was up a shit creek and never had a paddle-fertility wise. Then, finally then, I could figure out was I was grieving for. I lost a baby. Not just any baby- all of my babies. All of those beautiful dream babies with dark brown hair and eyes and curls. Every single chance was gone. I was lost.
Leslie and I limped our way through as best we could. His 6 month trip wasn't to start for a few months but he did have many schools and pre-trips to Wisconsin during this time.
Our move to Alaska was in October of 2002. I was about to experience my first Alaskan Winter-alone and hopeless.
I didn't get a job for awhile. I couldn't. I could hardly manage to feed myself after Leslie left. I took out a pen and I marked a day on the calendar, I think it was around six weeks from the day that Leslie left. I used every minute of those 6 weeks to grieve, that was my plan. I did nothing else that I can remember. Oh yes, I remember. I fell in love. With Alaska. With Homer. With the people I was being forced (due to the small population) to talk to. With the way that you could smell the glaciers in the air. With the way the sky would bunch up with gray clouds that marched out across the bay.
Eventually my six weeks came due and I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and I decide that it was time to get a shimmy on. I got a job. I got friends. I got a plan.
Even when I was little, I would tell my Mom that I wanted a Chinese daughter. Adoption was mentioned to me very early in this time and I fully believe that it was for a reason. I started thinking about adoption.
One night at work- I worked as an R.N. at Homer's only hospital by then. A small hospital staffed by the best nurses and people that I have ever worked with. So, yes, one night at work I cornered our Social Worker and started to ask her about adoption. She gave me some info and I went to work educating myself. I did not like what I learned of domestic adoption. Leslie and I talked and we talked. He was immediately on the bandwagon to adopt. He never hesitated, he has never looked back. It was very clear to us that we would do this, that we would adopt, we just had to figure it out.
How?
Where?
How much?
Girl?
Boy?
Black?
White?
Asian?
When?
I had my work cut out for me.

The Story: Part 2 Darkness Falls

We went home after that weekend and started trying for a baby. We tried and we tried and we tried. I mentioned to one of my co-workers that we were trying and she asked me how long we had been trying, I drew a blank, I honestly did not know. So, I went home and got the calendar out and Leslie and I realized that it had been a year. A whole year! I am not sure where my mind was at this time, why hadn't I realized that a year had gone by? Leslie was working the 2 on, 2 off rotation and I was working a whole bunch and when we weren't working we were going into NYC for day trips, or hanging out at Jone's Beach or some other nonsense to keep busy. I went back to work and talked with my friend. She suggested that even with Leslie's 2 on 2 off rotation, we surely should have seen some progress after a year.
After all of these years I can still see her face and I know her story but that friend's name has drained right out of my head. I remember many talks with her during these days and the days to come. You see, she had been pregnant with her first child when she got into a car wreck. The wreck was so violent that it nearly killed her. It did take her baby's life and with it, every chance that she could ever get pregnant again. So she adopted. She talked openly and lovingly about her adoptions and how much they meant to her and that after she healed, she realized that it was going to be pretty cool to get children through adoption.
Well, at some point I went out and spent a whole lot of money on one of the Ovulation Predictor sets. I used that thing faithfully for another 5 or 6 months and the meter never showed an ovulation cycle. NEVER. I knew then, that all my worst fears were coming true. I had never had a "normal" cycle, ever. Not even when I was 16 was it ever regular or easy. I had terrible pain with my periods for years. I took this new and heart faltering information to my GP, I wasn't even done talking before she had a referral written out for me. A referral for a "Fertility Specialist". I went out to my car and I sat there, in shock and fear. I had no idea what to do next. I had no idea what to tell Leslie. I just started to shut down and loose further track of things. Maybe I was being dramatic, maybe I was jumping the gun on grieving but, I have to say that sometimes a person just knows what is lying ahead of them. I had not at this point talked with my family about this. I may have mentioned something in passing to my mother or sister but no real commitments , I had wanted everyone to be so taken with surprise when I told them I was pregnant. Now, here I was with this referral in my hands and a huge wail growing in my heart and I had no idea how to talk to them about it.
Leslie and I talked. And talked. At first he wanted to deny where we were with this, that was hard. Then we had to talk about how much we wanted kids, how hard were we going to fight? I have never been a huge proponent for Fertility Treatments, I would much rather see families made trough adoption, that was always my take (as a matter of fact my cheeky stance on the subject got me into some hot water in Nursing School). We knew though, or decided that we would have to at least figure out what the problem was. Down the Black Hole we went.
After some simple bloodwork and an ultrasound for me, the Dr knew that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and things did not look good. After a surgery, it was discovered that I also had endometriosis and , what I like to call "crappy fallopian tubes" So while Leslie was perfectly fine with " extremely mobile, strong and numerous"..... you know what- I was a Trifecta of Pain.
I can not describe those days clearly. I can not remember them. I have no idea how I went to work, or ate, or cooked. I have no idea how I maintained radio silence over this with my family. I had that surgery and no one knew but my sister and then I only told her the most basic , need to know stuff and not much follow up. I do however, clearly remember the grief, the sobbing as Leslie drove us home along the L.I.E., the way it felt when the Doctor looked at me and said "zero chance". I was deep in grief for awhile, and during this grief we decided to try a round of AI (artificial insemination) with drugs taken to force my body to develop a mature egg and ovulate.

That was awful. Daily blood work. Pills. Shots. Little hope. Knowing that I didn't really want to start my family like this with me in an undignified position in an OB chair and Leslie way down in the waiting room. There was no love, no mutual-ness. Nothing, just medical procedure. I hated it. We decided that once would be enough, no matter what. We would do something else.
That was good because the Coast Guard was calling and we were about to move. A long, long way away.......

The Story: Part 1 Let's Do this

It was the summer of 2000. Leslie and I were a young couple on our own on Long Island. We had friends, family and two cats. We had a cute little place in the Navy Housing in East Meadow (there were no meadows). We were happy. Except.....well.....
We travelled to a NY lake and spent some time at a lakeside cabin with two of our great friends and their two kids. It was a fantastic weekend that I will probably always remember, it was so relaxed and easy between us all. Even though, Jimmy, the youngest (I think he was around 1 at the time) wasn't quite feeling well and was cranky and not his usual cherubic self, it was good and I started to realize that I wanted that "family" thing for Leslie and I. I know that we had conversations about having kids before this point, I just don't remember them. They probably went like this, one of us "hey, are we gonna have kids?", then the other would say "yeah that would be great but not right yet" and we were cool with that. This particular trip though as we watched Jim and MaryAnne parent their kids and have so much joy in them we both realized that we were ready. We wanted them.
I still remember how it went down. We were both sunburned and sleepy after a morning of swimming and boating. A good lunch in our tummies, we headed off to while away some time in a big two man hammock that was strung up between two big trees. We lay there, talking and laughing over the things that the kids had been doing. And, we sort of both said, "Hey why not us? Let's do this." It was a particularly happy moment in my life. I still have a picture that Jim or MaryAnne snapped of us, just as we finished saying that to each other, it's a great picture and my face in it, is glowing and my smile nearly jumps out at you.
I realize now that had we spent that weekend alone or with another family, we would not have come to that conclusion when we did. I know that it was watching Jim's undisguised love and enjoyment of his kids that made Les think that he could have the same thing. I know that it was Brianna joking about "stinky ducks" with Les that helped him see there was so much more to kids than he had realized. I know that watching them be frustrated with Jimmy but still loving him and finding fun with him, made me see that it would be difficult but do-able to be a mother. I know that it was some of our conversations with Jim and MaryAnne that weekend that made us realize we had alot to talk about but, we could, and would be parents.
We just thought it would be sooner rather than later.......

Supercalafragalisticexpialidocious

Snohio

We here in the Land of Cleve, just had our first snow. It was nothing spectacular, just the roof tops covered with white dust and a few sparse piles of the white stuff on the ground (mostly over top of our, as of yet, unraked leaves). Evelyn stood at the window all morning looking at it and watching some blow around. I had to answer many questions about the logistics of snow, how much would we get, that there should be ALOT on the ground at Christmas, that she wants the snow to last and last and never go away. I was surprised by all of this because the first (and only) two times that she has experienced snow before now, left me feeling as if snow were her natural mortal enemy. I mean she hated the stuff. She would just get generally weasel-ey and whiny and maggoty when confronted with plain outdoors cold- never mind the personality alterations that would take place when her body came into contact with snow. ( I think the one time her face actually turned inside out and she spoke backwards). To see her excited about the snow left me feeling that we may live through this first Ohio winter. I thought I would test my theory and we headed outside to check things out this afternoon. She loved it!!! She ate it, she tromped it down, she threw it, she gathered some to store in the freezer for summer. Really I want to know who this snow/cold loving girl is. Though she did spend the first 10 minutes out there with no coat or hat or gloves- she just could not believe that she would need them and I didn't want to start things off with a power struggle so I just let her go until she was cold and then she happily layered up. In her defense we were out raking in t-shirts and sweating just 3 days ago. So, it snowed and The Dillon Three couldn't be happier.

You may notice that the pictures have slowed down a bit on the blog, I am trying to have a balance of normal no picture taking play and family time with well, the camera around all of the time. Every once in awhile I can tell that Ev is getting a bit tired of having the camera in her face and I back off for awhile.

Movie Time

On Saturday, my sister and I decided to take the kids to see Madagascar 2. Now they both just watched the first one at my house not too long ago and they still remembered the characters and such so I knew Ev would settle down and watch the flick....

Let me backtrack a bit, for the longest time, Evelyn was scared to death of tv- anything on tv and we have systematically desensitized her. Not because I think that having a kid adapted to loads of tv watching is good but because it was a crippling fear and I DARE you to try and take your kid anywhere and not see a tv. So now we have a low to moderate tv viewing child that can finally handle a movie theater.

So here we were at the theater and Ev was going to handle the movie okay , it was just the previews that were the wild card It's because I can never tell her exactly what we will see or how loud it will be. She needs to feel like she can get away if she needs to , so we came up with the coat over the head technique. I think it worked pretty good.

The movie was entertaining enough that I didn't have to resort to rubbing salt in my eyes as a distraction (Angelina Ballerina shows make me want to do that , there are a few others as well but they don't get more than one viewing) and Evelyn laughed out loud a couple of times. She has been sleeping with the movie ticket stubs so I think she enjoyed herself.

Bullets

• I have been thinking about doing a several post telling of why, and how, and some of the things in between, of our long road to Evelyn. Then I realized that November is National Adoption Awareness Month and I thought it might be a good time to get things written down. I am pulling the thoughts and dates together in my head and will start in a day or so.
• Leslie has has a schedule change. For the first time in his Coast Guard career, he is not standing duty. He used to have to work 2 days on then had 2 days off with sliding 3 day weekends. Now he just "Day Works", he goes in at 8 am and is home by 5 pm. It's so wonderful to have him home every night.
• We three raked, and raked, and swept the leaves out of our yard yesterday and I awoke this morning to see the entire yard re-covered in leaves!!! AGGGHHH!!!! I can hardly lift my arms today so I guess they will have to wait a day or two. Or maybe I will just wait until the giant oak that stands over my back yard is all bare and done shedding.
• We had a fire in the fireplace last night. For the first time, Billy Bones got brave enough to get close and I think he will reside permanently in front of the fireplace either waiting for a fire or sucking up all of the heat.
• Leslie and I have been doing alot of work changing some of our parenting techniques and I think that they are paying off. It's heartening to see. Though Ev was a corker at the grocery store yesterday and I wanted to stop right in the middle and leave because I was loosing my mind. Really, how can I concentrate on Granola Bars and their price and what flavors we want if I have to stop in the middle of the aisle to explain in intricate detail, the mystery of shaving cream?!?! (NO I have no idea why the granola bars were next to the shaving creams).
• Evelyn had her Mandarin book out yesterday and she kept running up to me and telling me things out of the book. This was in front of our next door neighbor and I know that she (the neighbor) was floored. I couldn't tell if it was from the cuteness, the fact that Ev speaks a little Mandarin (taught by us- not remembered), or the sound of Mandarin on the suburban streets of Cleveland.
• Evelyn has been marching around announcing that she can not wait for Valentine's Day. I think that's her favorite and I am not sure why. There is candy, but not like Halloween and only small token gifts, not like Christmas. I dunno, maybe it's all the red and pink.
• Leslie went and picked up the cool a$$ Christmas present so that is home with no worries and I can now sleep at night( it's actually stored in Jodi's garage-thanks Jodi). I originally thought that we could set it up in the basement and then move it out back in the spring but, that's not going to work. So I guess she will get either a cool winter cottage or a super duper Birthday gift- we'll see. Either way, I couldn't pass it up.
• My Mom is in New York City - right now. I hope that she is having a blast! She is there with some friends from work, with no husband or kids or grand kids. Remember Mom, what happens in The Big Apple- stays in The Big Apple.

Today

Today I stood at the front of our home, I was taking a breather from raking leaves and cleaning up the front yard. Evelyn was there with me, running around and doing her thing. I stood there for a moment feeling my arms ache nicely and I watched that little girl. She was dressed in a navy blue short sleeve dress with a red shirt underneath and red tights with black Mary Jane's. She had a bright orange bucket in one hand swinging it back and forth as she walked. I stood there mesmerized by the sight of her. The sunlight was slanting down our street, filtered through the autumn leaves that remain on the trees, so the light was golden and streaked. The sidewalk was a patchwork of golds, oranges, reds and browns where the leaves on the ground made irregular shapes of color. My tiny, brown haired girl walked along, singing, swinging her bucket and scuffling her feet to make crisp swishing sounds. I watched her stopping to inspect interesting things and occasionally toss something into that orange bucket, a dry leaf here, an abandoned mum there. I could hear snatches of her song though the swish swish of the leaves. I could see the sunlight shining off of her dark hair. I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life. I imagine that if I lived for a thousand years there would be nothing to rival the sight of that wonderfully open and curious girl as she walked down the street as the autumnal world was revealing itself to her. I stood there transfixed to that spot and I finally understood the sheer magnitude of the responsibility of being her mother- I have to try and keep her spirit as open and honest and hopeful as it is right now. Those few moments on a suburban sidewalk held more epiphany than any moment that I have ever had looking at art or in a church or in nature- anywhere. I could see my daughter clearly. And she is divine.

Some Fun

On Tuesday Melissa and Brevin were here to spend some time with us. We decided to take the kids into the city for a day at The Children's Museum. Now I am all for kids places and such but the fact that they call it the Children's MUSEUM is a bit much for me, it's more like an indoor playground. No matter, the midgets had loads of fun. I wonder if it says something about my sister and I that we were the only Moms there encouraging their kids to slide down the slide using the stuffed animals as a "slide helper"?- (they helped the kids go faster and fly further off the end). I mean are we nuts or do we just understand what it takes to slide like demons? I dunno- you decide. By the way no injuries were sustained.

So the kids ran amok and we sat and listened to the chaos and laughed at the things Ev and Brev say to each other- they are too much. As always the favorite was the "grocery store" and Lissa and I sort of sat around the corner and stayed out of view of the kids, because I didn't want to get stuck checking every kid in the place out fifity times and replacing the plastic steaks and sauasage links a gajillion times. (I have a feeling that I must be a horrible mother, though I'm not sure because I do play a hell of alot of Candyland).

When we got home, I tried to get some cute pics of the kids playing in the leaves but they were tired and troll-ish and were uncooperative to say the least. I did get 2 cute ones with them sitting on a haybale but I had to threaten to remove all traces of candy FROM THE UNIVERSE to get those.

New President

What can I say here that isn't being said by hopeful and happy people around the world today? Not much I guess.
I just know that for the first time- ever I feel as if we as a country, have done something right.
I cried last night.
It was the second time in my 35 years that an election has made me do so. The first time that I cried was when Jimmy Carter lost his second term. I was young. I loved him. I was worried that he wouldn't be able to buy groceries or have a place to live.
Last night I cried because I wanted so badly for this country to turn out and vote and make their voices heard and we did.
I know that Obama is just a man and that he won't be able to fix everything. For me this election was about choosing a REAL person, and a person who MAKES SENSE when he speaks.
I was so happy to tell Evelyn this morning that Whoa-bamma (as she calls him) is going to be our President. I am anxious to see how things will go from here.