This past couple of weeks have been hard. The adults here have had alot on their plates, work, the second adoption, Nursing Refresher, Mama has what we call "Sinus Issues". It has all added up to Evelyn not getting attention- hardly any at all, let alone the "only kid and my Mama stays at home and I am totally adorable and must always be talked to" kind of thing that she is used to.
Disclaimer: I believe that it is totally fine for your child/children to have lowered levels of attention. I think that it is fine and healthy that they are not the center of everything all of the time. I know how important it is to have some grown-up time and time to complete adult tasks. However Ev has been getting very little attention at all and then most of that has been gripey, I have a headache and can not translate your request so NO kind of attention. I mean, NO has been flying around quite a bit around here.
Not surprisingly Evelyn is acting up/out. She has been deliberately ignoring me/us. She has been mouthy and distant. She has even been downright mean. I am gettting the hang of this Mothering business because for the first time I did not ask myself "What is her deal?" I asked myself "What is MY deal?" Because you know what? I have learned how much a parent's behavior is direclty relfected in the child.
So I made myself take a long hard look at the kind of Mama I have been lately - and it was ugly. Today I am setting things right. This whole day has been about Ev, I have said yes or why not? or go ahead as many times as possible. I have not worked on anything but being with her. I have tried my best to ignore the pain and nausea of my sinuses. I have made a long term change in how I will go about getting the paperwork for the baby done. We have played silly games in her room. We had a manicure sesison and I let Ev pick out as many colors as she wanted and I applied them to her specifications. I have let her climb in a damp tub in her clothes and play around in the water- just because she wanted to. I have let her run the day.
You know what? It was the right thing. I can tell by the amount of hugs and small smiles I have been given.
Yeah she's spoiled. So what. It's the right kind of spoiled if you ask me. NOT for THINGS but for FAMILY and LOVE.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Out With The Old In With The New
Old bed that is. Old Toddler bed to be more specific. Tonight was a milestone. For the first time in her life Evelyn is sleeping on a mattress that is NOT a crib mattress!
It all started with the Fire Inspection for the Home Study. We had to have the local FD come out and check us for safety and fill out the appropriate paper work in triplicate. There was one snag however. We had the gall to have a day bed in our basement. A daybed that we sit on while Evelyn plays in her place down there. A day bed used for reading and chatting-NOT SLEEPING. Apparently this is a code violation and we had to get the bed out of there. Now we have to reschedule the Inspection, Okay. Fine. At this point I am getting very used to other people having say in how I arrange my house and finances......(picture me screwing my face up in an attempt NOT to give you minute details on my frustrations thus far)......
SOOOOO, they we were. We suddenly found ourselves with too many mattresses and bed frames. Leslie got motivated and we made some changes. We are taking the day bed in the basement down and that means that we had a mattress that would fit the frame that I bought for Ev months ago. We re-arranged some furniture. We de-constructed two beds, constructed one and now Evelyn is in her big girl bed.
Her room STILL needs painted, we are working on that I swear. But wall paper glue is a right pain in the patoot to get off, and ....well, that's all I got. However, she is now in her cool vintage twin size bed and sweet bed linens. Cute. Very cute. The cutest thing was Ev rolling around telling me how "comffable" she was and how big she was.
In summary, a long, bad week gets concluded (hopefully) with a "hey, HOLY CRAPOLA, my daughter is growing up" moment. Tears included.
We were also cleaning her closet out and I was having her try on bathing suits for the summer. She is almost 5 years old and this summer will be the first time that she is completely out of suits in the 12 - 18 months range!!! I am going to start calling her "Stretch".
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Helluva Week
I just had to do that previous post as I am trying to salvage what I can from this week. I needed a laugh. I needed a giggle. I needed to remember that Ev used to be tiny and incapable of smart mouthing. I needed to remember that all things pass, that there are very few things in life that are infinite.
Maybe I am a bit off here. I mean, the week wasn't a total waste. I actually had a few great moments. Like tonight, watching Wall-E with Ev and Billy Bones on my lap and a belly full of yummy dinner. A look I caught on my husbands face when he was looking at me. The way Evelyn's laugh got all echo-y and loud when she was zooming down the slides. The time that Ev got carried away when we were playing "Link does sword battle against random enemy played by Mama" and yelled "Give me back my friend you ....you......! YOU BASTARD!!!!" (yes, 4 year olds cursing is always funny to me even when I have to swallow belly laughs and tell her not to use those words). The way that Evelyn looked playing in the back yard when I pulled up to the house after 8 hours of "Fluid and Electrolyte Balance" at the Nursing Refresher. The wonderful dinner and clean house I came home to after that damn class.
However there were frustrations and futility aplenty.
We have tried to get so much done this week and every time I turn around there is some reason that Item A 1 thru 5 did not get done. Things that I could not foresee to save myself a 40 minute car ride with a tired and hungry kid. Silly bureaucracy that prevented me from getting every single bit of paperwork the Social Worker needed. Hours in the hot car for no good reason. A kid that is sick of being stuffed into the car and hauled around to stand at my side in front of huge counters. A kid that has learned how to pout, talk back and use the word "bastard" in the same week. A kid that spent, I kid you not, about 30 minutes complaining about everything under the sun yesterday. A kid that was driven to thrashing about and weeping. I wanted to do that too, but someone had to first film it, handle it and then make dinner, plus there is that whole Super Ego thing. A sinus headache from hell. Financial hemorrhage. Mother-in-law ISSUES. Finding out that my Dad might need a knee replacement. And the sudden, crushing realization that I must have broken my Mother's heart about a gazillion times in my life.
And just when I thought it couldn't get worse. Just when I thought that I may be on the upswing, I rolled over in bed this morning. My tank top rode up a bit when I did , so I had a bared mid riff when I tossed the blankets back . Then the kid that I had just spent 20 minutes snuggling? Yeah, that kid. She looks down. She smiles big. She pats the exposed flesh and says "oh that big ole tummy"
Et tu Brute?
ET.
TU.
BRUTE?
Maybe I am a bit off here. I mean, the week wasn't a total waste. I actually had a few great moments. Like tonight, watching Wall-E with Ev and Billy Bones on my lap and a belly full of yummy dinner. A look I caught on my husbands face when he was looking at me. The way Evelyn's laugh got all echo-y and loud when she was zooming down the slides. The time that Ev got carried away when we were playing "Link does sword battle against random enemy played by Mama" and yelled "Give me back my friend you ....you......! YOU BASTARD!!!!" (yes, 4 year olds cursing is always funny to me even when I have to swallow belly laughs and tell her not to use those words). The way that Evelyn looked playing in the back yard when I pulled up to the house after 8 hours of "Fluid and Electrolyte Balance" at the Nursing Refresher. The wonderful dinner and clean house I came home to after that damn class.
However there were frustrations and futility aplenty.
We have tried to get so much done this week and every time I turn around there is some reason that Item A 1 thru 5 did not get done. Things that I could not foresee to save myself a 40 minute car ride with a tired and hungry kid. Silly bureaucracy that prevented me from getting every single bit of paperwork the Social Worker needed. Hours in the hot car for no good reason. A kid that is sick of being stuffed into the car and hauled around to stand at my side in front of huge counters. A kid that has learned how to pout, talk back and use the word "bastard" in the same week. A kid that spent, I kid you not, about 30 minutes complaining about everything under the sun yesterday. A kid that was driven to thrashing about and weeping. I wanted to do that too, but someone had to first film it, handle it and then make dinner, plus there is that whole Super Ego thing. A sinus headache from hell. Financial hemorrhage. Mother-in-law ISSUES. Finding out that my Dad might need a knee replacement. And the sudden, crushing realization that I must have broken my Mother's heart about a gazillion times in my life.
And just when I thought it couldn't get worse. Just when I thought that I may be on the upswing, I rolled over in bed this morning. My tank top rode up a bit when I did , so I had a bared mid riff when I tossed the blankets back . Then the kid that I had just spent 20 minutes snuggling? Yeah, that kid. She looks down. She smiles big. She pats the exposed flesh and says "oh that big ole tummy"
Et tu Brute?
ET.
TU.
BRUTE?
Taking Part In Some "Salsa" Fun!
There is this blog I follow- Do They Have Salsa In China?http://salsainchina.blogspot.com/
M3, The Mama of two very gorgeous girls has thrown the gauntlet down in a fashion challenge and I accepted! She has been letting her girls raid their closet and come up with new outfits each day, I must say they have looked great every day this week! M3 wanted to see some outfits that other girls have picked.
This is one of Ev's from a couple of years ago. You can see that she is wearing an animal print jacket, though upside down (I never was able to figure out how she managed to get that on), pink fleece slippers, some bright blue turtle pants, a navy blue t-shirt and of course an orange hand bag for that on the go feeling. The purse by the way was probably stuffed to the gills with tissues.
She has come around a bit to the Right Side of fashion since this picture. I do cringe however when she puts her make-up on for a day about town. Let's just say that she conforms to the Darryl Hannah in Blade Runner school of cosmetics.......
....but with more glitter, less bare belly and definitely less in your face Replicant-ness.
....but with more glitter, less bare belly and definitely less in your face Replicant-ness.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Oh My Gawd! I Think I Broke Her!!
And not in that KGB sort of way, as in an "oops! I dropped her" kind of way......Let me explain.
It was a long day after a short night. There was breakfast, though a smallish one and then she would not consume lunch. Then we had nearly ALL day in the car and driving from one futile stop to the next. It was hot, then it was cold, then Mama was grumpy. Then we picked Papa up for some lunch and more paperwork but there was no time for Quality Bean Time. Then Mama nearly strangled the nice lady at the Auto Title Office who told her that her big ole trip was for nuttin' 'cause both people on the title needed to be there. And that office was/is far away and in a weird part of town and we got lost. Then there was more car and not more food. Then Mama thought it would be smart to take the very well behaved but tired and kind of hungry kid to the park.
And stay for an hour and a half.
With a tired and hungry kid. (have I made that clear?)
That has a chapped face and lips (we had no goo with us either in case you were wondering).
Who needed to pee before we left the park so she had to pee in the woods (she HATES that by the way) because the restrooms weren't open for the season yet.
Then her lips and face started burning - BAD. And we still had no goo.
No food either.
Same with beverages -nada.
Then there was a whole "hey kid you are acting snotty episode" that involved, peripherally, some crappy lip goo from Christmas.
And she broke.
Sobbing. Weeping. Groaning. Thrashing body. Leg kicking. It looked like this....
So I changed her dirty clothes - the whole time she was sobbing and thrashing. Laid her in her bed. Washed her hands with a warm wash cloth. Changed her park dirty clothes that were also a bit damp from the whole, "peeing in the woods I hate it " episode. Put clean, warm socks on her feet. Smeared her chapped face with Vaseline. Brought nearly a full meal to her bedside. Put on some soothing music and gave her some time.
She is currently out back with her Papa, giggling and riding her bike. After about an hour of laying there eating and listening to music, she jumped up and headed out. She told me "thanks Mama I feel better now".
Her face is lubed and it looks like she fell face first into a greasy pork chop. But she's back to her old self.
Oh! And all of those errands? That was a combination of Adoption Stuff and Keeping the Car Legal. So there will be more of those kinds of days but I think I will work in smaller blocks of time with lots of snacks and supplies in the car.
What am I - an amateur?!?!?! I mean, I don't want this to happen again.....
It was a long day after a short night. There was breakfast, though a smallish one and then she would not consume lunch. Then we had nearly ALL day in the car and driving from one futile stop to the next. It was hot, then it was cold, then Mama was grumpy. Then we picked Papa up for some lunch and more paperwork but there was no time for Quality Bean Time. Then Mama nearly strangled the nice lady at the Auto Title Office who told her that her big ole trip was for nuttin' 'cause both people on the title needed to be there. And that office was/is far away and in a weird part of town and we got lost. Then there was more car and not more food. Then Mama thought it would be smart to take the very well behaved but tired and kind of hungry kid to the park.
And stay for an hour and a half.
With a tired and hungry kid. (have I made that clear?)
That has a chapped face and lips (we had no goo with us either in case you were wondering).
Who needed to pee before we left the park so she had to pee in the woods (she HATES that by the way) because the restrooms weren't open for the season yet.
Then her lips and face started burning - BAD. And we still had no goo.
No food either.
Same with beverages -nada.
Then there was a whole "hey kid you are acting snotty episode" that involved, peripherally, some crappy lip goo from Christmas.
And she broke.
Sobbing. Weeping. Groaning. Thrashing body. Leg kicking. It looked like this....
So I changed her dirty clothes - the whole time she was sobbing and thrashing. Laid her in her bed. Washed her hands with a warm wash cloth. Changed her park dirty clothes that were also a bit damp from the whole, "peeing in the woods I hate it " episode. Put clean, warm socks on her feet. Smeared her chapped face with Vaseline. Brought nearly a full meal to her bedside. Put on some soothing music and gave her some time.
She is currently out back with her Papa, giggling and riding her bike. After about an hour of laying there eating and listening to music, she jumped up and headed out. She told me "thanks Mama I feel better now".
Her face is lubed and it looks like she fell face first into a greasy pork chop. But she's back to her old self.
Oh! And all of those errands? That was a combination of Adoption Stuff and Keeping the Car Legal. So there will be more of those kinds of days but I think I will work in smaller blocks of time with lots of snacks and supplies in the car.
What am I - an amateur?!?!?! I mean, I don't want this to happen again.....
Monday, March 23, 2009
This is My Nephew
Isn't he cute? This is quite possibly one of the funniest kids that I have ever met. He just has this innate sense of funny - both verbal and physical. It is nothing to have him walk into the room , pause for effect and then turn himself into a rag doll and hit the floor with his tongue lolling out to simulate some sort of violent death. Everything about this kid is funny, really. He is in a difficult phase with his Aunt Del-Del right now though.
It seems that whenever I am around he MUST first act like a little poop- just to make sure that I am going to stick to my guns just like he last time we saw each other. To be fair to him, I am the most strict adult that he knows and he is really not used to my in your face kind of style. He is used to more , ummmm, non-confrontational ways. Having said that though, we do love each other and we end up having fun together, we just always have to clear the air first.
My whole point here is that, he is the "other man" in my life. I love this kid dearly. He is really special to me. I lurves him.
Grandma's Are Great
Evelyn loves her Grandma. I know that all kids love their Grandma's but there is something special between my Mom and Evelyn. I can't explain it. It's that excitement of "Grandma" but something deeper too. They just seem to get each other.
Yesterday Mom and Dad came up for a visit and it made Ev's week. We really didn't do anything special, we talked and visited and then had some tacos for dinner. It was just a nice day though. Melissa was at work so Brev was here too. At one point, Ev and Brev had foam swords and they were each half dressed in the Link costume and they were battlng Leslie. There was much holleration and grunting and giggling.
I love when I get to see Ev and my Mom having quiet moments together, I wish that they had more. I think I will force my parents to visit here much more often so Ev can have that.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Bleck! Blah! Boo! Hiss!
The home study went well I think. The Social Worker seemed to really like us and the house, that helps ease my mind a bit. However I did say to Leslie over dinner "what if she secretly hates us and will torpedo us in the written report?" Do you see what it's like to be doing this? You get all paranoid and worried. Mostly it's because everything hinges on every other little thing. It's all inter-connected and nerve wracking.
I am in a piss poor mood today though. I found out just how much this process has changed since we went through it for Evelyn. And those aren't changes for the good I'm talking about. It's worse. So much worse. So much more invasive. So much more paper work needed. It would be laughable if it weren't so tragic. I can not even begin to describe the stuff that we need (Special K I know that you know what I'm talking about here). Please excuse my whining for now, it's just the way it is. It's all sucky sucky paperwork that I can whine about all I want but in the end, it all has to be done.
It seems this time that I have to designate someone to take over in case something happens to both Leslie and I. Guardians. Ok , but and that's a big BUT there... the state of Ohio will not allow anyone 55 or older and no unmarried folks. THEN we have to have those Guardians write down personal financial information and have it notarized. WHEEE! Not only does my privacy get invaded, so does my families. Nice.
I know the whys and how comes of this stuff. I understand it on one level. I do. I know what I would ask if I was responsible for placing children. It just feels awful to have to expose yourself and those around you for the faceless approval of others. These are the days when I feel the sting of infertility the most.
I am in a piss poor mood today though. I found out just how much this process has changed since we went through it for Evelyn. And those aren't changes for the good I'm talking about. It's worse. So much worse. So much more invasive. So much more paper work needed. It would be laughable if it weren't so tragic. I can not even begin to describe the stuff that we need (Special K I know that you know what I'm talking about here). Please excuse my whining for now, it's just the way it is. It's all sucky sucky paperwork that I can whine about all I want but in the end, it all has to be done.
It seems this time that I have to designate someone to take over in case something happens to both Leslie and I. Guardians. Ok , but and that's a big BUT there... the state of Ohio will not allow anyone 55 or older and no unmarried folks. THEN we have to have those Guardians write down personal financial information and have it notarized. WHEEE! Not only does my privacy get invaded, so does my families. Nice.
I know the whys and how comes of this stuff. I understand it on one level. I do. I know what I would ask if I was responsible for placing children. It just feels awful to have to expose yourself and those around you for the faceless approval of others. These are the days when I feel the sting of infertility the most.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Better Late.....
This is Ev's outfit for St. Patrick's Day. I just giggled all day, every time I looked at that shirt- Les says that she in honorarily Irish and Ev and I would just chuckle. We went to Grandma's house and had a good old fashioned Irish feast. My Mom worked 2 days pulling everything together. We had Corned Beef, Irish Champ, Fried Cabbage, Irish Soda Bread (yummy stuff) and then Potato Candy- really that was an excellent meal. Evelyn was a bit disappointed that presents were not passed out for this holiday but she got over it quick.
These are some drink coasters that I crocheted for St. Pat's. I got the pattern off of the Internet and this was the cutest and easiest thing that I have ever crocheted.
We also had some garland and other decorations about the joint.
It was a good day. I just loved being around my family and having Evelyn running around at her Grandma's on this anniversary day. We really didn't pay too much outward attention to it, it was just something in the back of my mind throughout the day. It feels nice though to have her referral anniversary on a day when everyone is happy and celebrating.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Homestudy Tomorrow!
Our Social Worker will be here about 5 pm tomorrow. It's the first visit for the official Home Study Report that she will compile and turn in to our agency to be sent on to China. I thought that I wold not be nervous.
I was wrong.
I am forcing myself not to clean windows and all of the trim work around those windows. I am forcing myself not to run out and rent a steam cleaner for our furniture. I am hoping that once we hide all of the liquor and weapons and have a regularly cleaned house - we'll be good. I am hoping that Evelyn won't blurt out the many curse words that she hears on a daily basis. I am praying that she doesn't drag out a baby doll and start playing "let's give the baby an enema", 'cause you know what? For whatever reason this has become her favorite game to play in the past 72 hours!! I kid you not. OK, Ev has had to have ONE enema in her life, several months ago, and why this is now a game is completely beyond me.
Wish us luck!
I was wrong.
I am forcing myself not to clean windows and all of the trim work around those windows. I am forcing myself not to run out and rent a steam cleaner for our furniture. I am hoping that once we hide all of the liquor and weapons and have a regularly cleaned house - we'll be good. I am hoping that Evelyn won't blurt out the many curse words that she hears on a daily basis. I am praying that she doesn't drag out a baby doll and start playing "let's give the baby an enema", 'cause you know what? For whatever reason this has become her favorite game to play in the past 72 hours!! I kid you not. OK, Ev has had to have ONE enema in her life, several months ago, and why this is now a game is completely beyond me.
Wish us luck!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
A Bug in the Night
Two nights ago I laid Evelyn down for bed with the requisite hugging and snuggling and the whispering of secrets. I tucked her in and then headed back downstairs to watch some vintage Indiana Jones action with Leslie.
Later, we trudged tiredly up to bed with that theme song still ringing in our ears. We were joking and laughing-like we do.
I checked on Ev and she was fine, I covered her up and snuck back out of her room. I was still in the hall talking with Les when Ev hollered out "MMMMAAAAAMMMMMAAAA!!!!!!!" I rushed right over to her door, flung it open and got right down next to her bed. She was crying, she was laying there perfectly still but casting wide eyed looks at her bedside table. I thought she was having a nightmare. I was trying to get her to talk with me when I heard Leslie say "bug". I looked and there was the tiniest fruit fly type of bug crawling along her table edge.
I squashed it. That action took about a nanosecond.
The bug was gone. Evelyn sucked in some snot and looked at me with a big bright smile that let me know that I was her hero. In one instant her terror in the night was gone. In one instant I was the bringer of joy. I was her Mama.
I hugged her again. And kissed her about 500 times. Then I went to my own bed.
The thing is, I am not always going to be able to squash the things that scare her or make her sad. I am not always going to be able to jump in her room, force the dark away and literally kill the thing that has caused her grief.
But I will try to keep it up as long as I can.
Later, we trudged tiredly up to bed with that theme song still ringing in our ears. We were joking and laughing-like we do.
I checked on Ev and she was fine, I covered her up and snuck back out of her room. I was still in the hall talking with Les when Ev hollered out "MMMMAAAAAMMMMMAAAA!!!!!!!" I rushed right over to her door, flung it open and got right down next to her bed. She was crying, she was laying there perfectly still but casting wide eyed looks at her bedside table. I thought she was having a nightmare. I was trying to get her to talk with me when I heard Leslie say "bug". I looked and there was the tiniest fruit fly type of bug crawling along her table edge.
I squashed it. That action took about a nanosecond.
The bug was gone. Evelyn sucked in some snot and looked at me with a big bright smile that let me know that I was her hero. In one instant her terror in the night was gone. In one instant I was the bringer of joy. I was her Mama.
I hugged her again. And kissed her about 500 times. Then I went to my own bed.
The thing is, I am not always going to be able to squash the things that scare her or make her sad. I am not always going to be able to jump in her room, force the dark away and literally kill the thing that has caused her grief.
But I will try to keep it up as long as I can.
Referral Day- 4 years later
Four years ago today my phone rang, and I answered the most important phone call of my life. I waited 8 months for that call. I waited an eternity for that call.
A nice lady by the name of Jenny from CCAI called and when I frantically and breathlessly said hello, she said "You have a daughter" Those were the four sweetest words in the history of mankind.
I had a daughter. Her name was Yi Fu Mei. She was eight and a half months old. She was healthy. She was in the Jiangxi province. She was a good sleeper and liked music. Fu Mei meant Lucky Plum.
I called Leslie as soon as I got off of the phone. Of course he did not answer his cell- so I looked at her picture without him. I simply could not wait. I scrolled down the computer screen and I saw the single most beautiful face that I have ever seen. My daughter. I laughed and I cried. And I immediately bonded with her picture. My daughter. Mine. My own little girl.
Les came home a few minutes later and he too got a look at her. His reaction was typically Leslie. He just sat and looked and looked at her-never saying a word. For a long time. Then he said "My God. When can we get her?" Our daughter.
We would have to wait almost another two full months until we held her in our arms. But on this day four years ago? We were as happy as clams. To say the least.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Today's Emotional Growth Brought To You By The Number 10
We are planning on Home Schooling Ev. The why and how of that and the reactions we have encountered are another entry. THIS entry is about something that happened during one of her "school" sessions. Nobody freak out, she is not a slave to the grind here, she gets TEN MINUTES only a few days a week. Usually this is with Les and they cover basic numbers and letters recog. No biggie. Sometimes they play Boggle Jr. , sometimes we all play Uno (Ev usually wins by the way) - things like that.
Well about three sessions ago, they hit a snag with the number 10. This is a number that Ev knows, we know she knows it, she knows that we know that she knows it. She just got stubborn about it. The problem is that Les got a bit frustrated that first time and ended the session. You can guess what happened-she learned something.
The other thing is that I have been working alot with Ev and her emotions. She will let you know that she loves you and she can talk about positive emotions really well. Not so much with the negative ones. You can know in your bones that Ev is mad at you and she would NEVER ever admit it. I don't think this is healthy. I think that a person should be able to say that you have made them mad and why and that way everyone can talk about it. That's just the way I roll. That's the way that I think a family works best. I want Ev to be able to talk about ALL things with Leslie and I. I need her to see that we are still around and full of love for her- even if she is mad. Let's face it, sometimes children are perfectly justified in being a little peeved at their parents.
So yesterday this whole "I don't know 10 and then Papa gets frustrated Experiment" went a bit haywire. There were raised voices(both of them) and tears (Evelyn). Evelyn came into the room where I was and she was crying, that "I am so pissed I could scream cry" I knew that she was MAD versus frustrated or hurt or chagrined. I KNEW that she was mad. I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to talk with her about it. I reminded her that we are all people and people can get mad at each other and that's okay, it just not okay to not talk about it. I explained (for the hundredth time) that if you can tell someone you are mad and why, then they can talk about it with you and everyone can try to do better the next time. I just watched her face for a minute and when she calmed down a bit more I said "Are you mad at Papa?"
She nodded her head yes!!!!!!! HA HA!!!!
First of all, I was a bit full of myself because for once I was NOT the parent that got loud.(yes!) Secondly, she has been mad at me like about a gajillion times and NEVER mad at him.(yes!)
Most importantly, for the first time ever she admitted to anger. (YES!)
She would not tell me WHY she was mad, she just admitted that she was. But it's a start in the right direction.
Leslie apologized to her and they made up and agreed to try and be better the next time. Then Ev took a nap.
I would say that progress was made.
P.S. Is it normal that I was so gloat-y that she was mad at her Papa? Maybe not but I never claimed to be perfect.
P.S.S Les was taken a-back, quite a bit when he realized that she was mad at him. I assured him that he would, indeed get used to it. I mean, I have. She will be a teenager one day afterall.
Well about three sessions ago, they hit a snag with the number 10. This is a number that Ev knows, we know she knows it, she knows that we know that she knows it. She just got stubborn about it. The problem is that Les got a bit frustrated that first time and ended the session. You can guess what happened-she learned something.
The other thing is that I have been working alot with Ev and her emotions. She will let you know that she loves you and she can talk about positive emotions really well. Not so much with the negative ones. You can know in your bones that Ev is mad at you and she would NEVER ever admit it. I don't think this is healthy. I think that a person should be able to say that you have made them mad and why and that way everyone can talk about it. That's just the way I roll. That's the way that I think a family works best. I want Ev to be able to talk about ALL things with Leslie and I. I need her to see that we are still around and full of love for her- even if she is mad. Let's face it, sometimes children are perfectly justified in being a little peeved at their parents.
So yesterday this whole "I don't know 10 and then Papa gets frustrated Experiment" went a bit haywire. There were raised voices(both of them) and tears (Evelyn). Evelyn came into the room where I was and she was crying, that "I am so pissed I could scream cry" I knew that she was MAD versus frustrated or hurt or chagrined. I KNEW that she was mad. I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to talk with her about it. I reminded her that we are all people and people can get mad at each other and that's okay, it just not okay to not talk about it. I explained (for the hundredth time) that if you can tell someone you are mad and why, then they can talk about it with you and everyone can try to do better the next time. I just watched her face for a minute and when she calmed down a bit more I said "Are you mad at Papa?"
She nodded her head yes!!!!!!! HA HA!!!!
First of all, I was a bit full of myself because for once I was NOT the parent that got loud.(yes!) Secondly, she has been mad at me like about a gajillion times and NEVER mad at him.(yes!)
Most importantly, for the first time ever she admitted to anger. (YES!)
She would not tell me WHY she was mad, she just admitted that she was. But it's a start in the right direction.
Leslie apologized to her and they made up and agreed to try and be better the next time. Then Ev took a nap.
I would say that progress was made.
P.S. Is it normal that I was so gloat-y that she was mad at her Papa? Maybe not but I never claimed to be perfect.
P.S.S Les was taken a-back, quite a bit when he realized that she was mad at him. I assured him that he would, indeed get used to it. I mean, I have. She will be a teenager one day afterall.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Things Are Slipping
I am sorry to report that Adoption-itis is setting in. This is a condition that affects the mothers and fathers during the paper chase and wait. It is a condition that lends itself to minor weekly fits and major holes in the memory, there is also a bit of a loss in the problem solving department.
Not ready to just take my word for it? Think maybe I am being a bit , ummm dramatic?
Well okay then here's proof.
We had to move some things around in the office, to make room for the printer that we had to haul down from the attic so I can stop Post Office hopping when I need to make copies for the paper work. We had to move one of our small Ikea tv dinner stands (1 of 3 that we have). The problem is that the one in the computer room was here so Billy Bones could lay/sit/lounge/sleep/drool under the window. Now that one has a printer on it, and is under another window. Billy is pee-ohed to say the least. We went searching for the other two to make amends to the Toe-ed Beast. One was located in the basement game room but, as Les is having a big game this weekend- he refused to give it up. So we went searching for the remaining tv stand-it's red.
We looked- and by "WE" I mean Leslie and I, both of us- for three days. In the attic, in the garage, in all of the closets, under beds, all over the basement. It was gone. G.O.N.E.
I was convinced that Les threw it away.
Today I found that tv tray/stand thingy.
It's in the living room.
Right next to the couch.
Holding a stack of books and a LAMP.
It's been there for several MONTHS.
I dust it weekly.
Three days we searched.
Three.
Not ready to just take my word for it? Think maybe I am being a bit , ummm dramatic?
Well okay then here's proof.
We had to move some things around in the office, to make room for the printer that we had to haul down from the attic so I can stop Post Office hopping when I need to make copies for the paper work. We had to move one of our small Ikea tv dinner stands (1 of 3 that we have). The problem is that the one in the computer room was here so Billy Bones could lay/sit/lounge/sleep/drool under the window. Now that one has a printer on it, and is under another window. Billy is pee-ohed to say the least. We went searching for the other two to make amends to the Toe-ed Beast. One was located in the basement game room but, as Les is having a big game this weekend- he refused to give it up. So we went searching for the remaining tv stand-it's red.
We looked- and by "WE" I mean Leslie and I, both of us- for three days. In the attic, in the garage, in all of the closets, under beds, all over the basement. It was gone. G.O.N.E.
I was convinced that Les threw it away.
Today I found that tv tray/stand thingy.
It's in the living room.
Right next to the couch.
Holding a stack of books and a LAMP.
It's been there for several MONTHS.
I dust it weekly.
Three days we searched.
Three.
Update: As soon as I finished writing this post, Evelyn informed me that she had been wearing the same socks for three days. She said like , oh hey you know mama here's an update but in a kind of, are you loosing it kind of way. So I changed her socks already. SHEESH!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Things Change
Four years ago, I was in Alaska. I was a sad, and pathetic version of myself. I was about 8 months into the wait for Ev and I had just run out of steam to keep myself going. I could no longer be hopeful. I could no longer generate enough energy to get through the day, let alone, make myself falsely hopeful and "happy to be waiting".
Now four years have passed and that little girl that caused me so much agony in the wait for her, is in her room, listeng to her music and playing with her cat and drawing me pictures of butterflies and strange little men named Bill. Now that girl is a healthy, happy ball of energy that goes like a steam engine from the time she cracks her eyes open in the morning until she is kissed goodnight. Now, that little girl that changed everything for me has changed me again.
Four years later, I am about to embark on another wait. Four years later I have been made to see that there is room for one more.
What will my heart hold four years from now?
I can not describe how lucky I feel to have Evelyn in my life. How that, Leslie and I are the lucky ones. How much I love that girl. How much she means to me.
Now four years have passed and that little girl that caused me so much agony in the wait for her, is in her room, listeng to her music and playing with her cat and drawing me pictures of butterflies and strange little men named Bill. Now that girl is a healthy, happy ball of energy that goes like a steam engine from the time she cracks her eyes open in the morning until she is kissed goodnight. Now, that little girl that changed everything for me has changed me again.
Four years later, I am about to embark on another wait. Four years later I have been made to see that there is room for one more.
What will my heart hold four years from now?
I can not describe how lucky I feel to have Evelyn in my life. How that, Leslie and I are the lucky ones. How much I love that girl. How much she means to me.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Update on that Mei-Mei
It seems that tomorrow Leslie and Evelyn and I will be meeting our Social Worker for the first time! EEEK! We have a chance to go in and have the Medical Conditions Checklist signed. That means that we can fax that to our agency, along with the Family Info Sheet and hopefully get our place in line for referral. The Social Worker also wants to set up the first home visit for our Home Study as early as next week.
I couldn't be happier. The sooner I get this stuff done, the sooner I can get to the shopping that I am telling myself I won't be doing. I am so very excited to get this new little person into our lives. It doesn't seem completely real to me yet. I am at that stage where it feels weird to talk about a second child in solid and definite ways. I keep "trying it on for size" though, calling her by name and letting myself plan out the nursery, a little bit- things like that.
Part of me is so shocked! The last time I did this, I was in Alaska and everything was so much harder. It took much longer to arrange the home study as the social worker had to drive 4 hours to get to us. Everything we mailed out took a week to reach it's destination. It feels so fast but, so good.
It really is fast too. When you consider that just less than a month ago, we weren't even talking about this and now that Home Study is looming.
Also a note on names..... we have a possibility for both a boy and a girl picked out. But, we are not telling..... not yet anyway. We are doing alot of talking about a girl and a sister but we are aware that what we talk about and check on the paper won't really matter- we will get the child that we are meant to have. SO we may end up with a boy. We ARE leaning for a girl though.
( I am no fool. I know that once the paperwork is done and I am down to just waiting to see the face of my youngest child- I know that time will drag and I will wonder how I will ever stand the wait)
I couldn't be happier. The sooner I get this stuff done, the sooner I can get to the shopping that I am telling myself I won't be doing. I am so very excited to get this new little person into our lives. It doesn't seem completely real to me yet. I am at that stage where it feels weird to talk about a second child in solid and definite ways. I keep "trying it on for size" though, calling her by name and letting myself plan out the nursery, a little bit- things like that.
Part of me is so shocked! The last time I did this, I was in Alaska and everything was so much harder. It took much longer to arrange the home study as the social worker had to drive 4 hours to get to us. Everything we mailed out took a week to reach it's destination. It feels so fast but, so good.
It really is fast too. When you consider that just less than a month ago, we weren't even talking about this and now that Home Study is looming.
Also a note on names..... we have a possibility for both a boy and a girl picked out. But, we are not telling..... not yet anyway. We are doing alot of talking about a girl and a sister but we are aware that what we talk about and check on the paper won't really matter- we will get the child that we are meant to have. SO we may end up with a boy. We ARE leaning for a girl though.
( I am no fool. I know that once the paperwork is done and I am down to just waiting to see the face of my youngest child- I know that time will drag and I will wonder how I will ever stand the wait)
The Littlest Caledonian
This is my daughter.
She is doing her best impersonation of the Pict Peoples.
Apparently? When your Mama is slogging her way through some (read as: hours of) Nursing homework on-line and your Papa is painting the hall, you holler out some vague question about markers or something. They both drop the ball, and mutter vaguely affirmative responses. Then you get out some blue markers and stencils.
Then you proceed to apply blue war paint.
Keep in mind that this is just a picture of her LOWER body. The top half was decorated as well. I also learned that "washable" is a mere suggestion, or plea, in hopes that the marker will maybe consider having it's blue self washed off of your kid.
She had to soak.
A long time.
Serves us (her)right.
She is doing her best impersonation of the Pict Peoples.
Apparently? When your Mama is slogging her way through some (read as: hours of) Nursing homework on-line and your Papa is painting the hall, you holler out some vague question about markers or something. They both drop the ball, and mutter vaguely affirmative responses. Then you get out some blue markers and stencils.
Then you proceed to apply blue war paint.
Keep in mind that this is just a picture of her LOWER body. The top half was decorated as well. I also learned that "washable" is a mere suggestion, or plea, in hopes that the marker will maybe consider having it's blue self washed off of your kid.
She had to soak.
A long time.
Serves us (her)right.
Note to self: Next time, actually bother to concern yourself when your 4 year old asks to "mumble mumble mumble marker mumble?". And then gets quiet. For a long time. Okay? Because next time she might be drawing on the cat.
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Story: Part 5 Dreaming
I haven't told this story to alot of people. I feel strange and a bit too exposed when I do, but it has been on my mind. It's also a part of how Evelyn became such a part of me so quickly.
Here's the thing. I have dreams and by dreams I mean Dreams. Dreams that carry portent or have some spiritual connection. I always have. Not like every night or even every month but, when I need them, they come. Also I am one of those people who believe in ghosts, mostly because since I was a child- I see them. I can tell you that when I married Leslie he was a non-believer and after living with me for fifteen years, he has no choice but to believe. I know it sounds kooky but there it is. I am not like the girl in that show Ghost Whisperer and I am not a psychic. I just dream sometimes and sometimes I see ghosts. Okay- everyone sufficiently freaked out now? Everyone thinking I am a kook? Good.
It was about the time that I mailed off all of that Dossier stuff and I was highly freaked. I had no idea how long the wait would be. I wasn't even sure that I would get a daughter out of that mess. I spent a major part of my time obsessing on this. I prayed an worried and cried and flailed about. If I wasn't worrying about actually getting her, I was worrying about what her life currently was, was she warm? was she hungry? was she loved?
One day I was home, in my kitchen all alone thinking hard about my future baby, with the windows closed. Doing the dishes. And I smelled pipe smoke. At the same time I smelled pipe smoke the hair on the back of my neck stood right up. Then I had an overwhelming sense of my father in law. Wayne had passed away several years before and we were very close. I loved him dearly and I know that the feeling was mutual. I smelled the pipe smoke and knew that something was trying to be said to me. I stood quietly and waited but the smell faded. Two days later the same thing happened except that I was sitting on my couch reading. Then it happened again. This time I got a little frustrated and I said "okay I know that you are there and I know that you are trying to tell me something but I am just not getting it, I am sorry, I just can't figure it out".
The next night I had a dream.
The dream started with me in this big empty house and I knew that Leslie was there, even if I couldn't see him. I could hear babies crying. I searched and searched until I found a big room full of cribs. I looked down and there lay this tiny baby-crying. I reached down to pick it up, but just then a woman appeared and shook her head "no" at me, she grabbed the baby before I could even get a grip on it. Then I looked up and Les was just standing there watching. This
happened at several cribs before I started crying. When I cried, Les just turned and walked away. I followed him but I couldn't find him. I searched the house again, this time for Leslie.
I finally saw him walking up some stairs to the attic. I followed. We held hands as we walked thru the door and into the attic.
The attic was dimly lit and entirely empty. It was as I was looking around that I noticed my father-in-law, Wayne was sitting just under a light, he was in his wheelchair and had a pipe in his hand. When we looked at each other, he smiled really big and I took a step to go and hug him but he held up his hand to stop me. I waited, confused. Then I realized that he had his head tilted and he was listening to someone, I could actually hear faint whisperings. He listened for a moment and then he nodded yes and he looked at me and he smiled and then he was just gone. I looked down and there in my hands was this maroon booklet with letters that I could not read on the front. They were in gold. I opened the book and I just couldn't make out any of the words. As I was puzzling this, I heard a door creak and looked up to see Leslie walking thru another door. I walked over to see what he was doing. When I pushed the door open, my face was flooded by sunlight and I blinked several times. When I could see properly again, I was looking out into a field of golden grass and Les was sitting on a blanket, picnic style and next to him was a small dark haired Asian girlie and she was eating a plum. They smiled at me. The dream ended just as a huge flock of birds took flight and flew overhead.
I woke up, the next morning and I KNEW that something special had taken place. I knew that there was a child for me and I knew that Wayne was watching over her. Yes most of the dream was not hard to interpret, I mean the babies that I could not hold? That's easy. The searching? That's easy. But then there were things that were right on that I had no idea about. There were things that proved to be true. Very true.
We can fast forward a bit as there is no surprise to spoil, we all know how things ended. There I was on the day of the referral call. I was frantically taking down information, they told me that her name was Yi Fu Mei. That Yi was her surname given for the city she was found in (Yichun). Then they said "her name Fu Mei means Lucky Plum" PLUM! That was the fruit that the dream girl was eating. I knew then that there was no doubt, Evelyn Elaine Fu Mei was mine. I sat there, with chills all over my body and I got completely silent, I remember that the caller had to ask if I was there several times before I could even speak again.
Then there we were in China. The day that we met Ev. We had to go to our room for a bit and then meet up with everyone for paperwork. There at that meeting we all three sat for a picture. Then our guide walked over and handed me a maroon booklet with golden Chinese letters on the front-our Adoption Certificate. The one piece of paper that meant that officially- she was ours. I opened the book and, nearly fell down. I could not make the words out. It looked exactly like that dream booklet because my eyes were swimming with tears. Now I knew that I would get a certificate, I knew that there would be things handed to me- of course I did. But I never saw a picture of an Adoption Certificate before or since we were in China. Families have too much going on to photograph each document.
My dream came true. Yes indeedy - my dream came true.
Here's the thing. I have dreams and by dreams I mean Dreams. Dreams that carry portent or have some spiritual connection. I always have. Not like every night or even every month but, when I need them, they come. Also I am one of those people who believe in ghosts, mostly because since I was a child- I see them. I can tell you that when I married Leslie he was a non-believer and after living with me for fifteen years, he has no choice but to believe. I know it sounds kooky but there it is. I am not like the girl in that show Ghost Whisperer and I am not a psychic. I just dream sometimes and sometimes I see ghosts. Okay- everyone sufficiently freaked out now? Everyone thinking I am a kook? Good.
It was about the time that I mailed off all of that Dossier stuff and I was highly freaked. I had no idea how long the wait would be. I wasn't even sure that I would get a daughter out of that mess. I spent a major part of my time obsessing on this. I prayed an worried and cried and flailed about. If I wasn't worrying about actually getting her, I was worrying about what her life currently was, was she warm? was she hungry? was she loved?
One day I was home, in my kitchen all alone thinking hard about my future baby, with the windows closed. Doing the dishes. And I smelled pipe smoke. At the same time I smelled pipe smoke the hair on the back of my neck stood right up. Then I had an overwhelming sense of my father in law. Wayne had passed away several years before and we were very close. I loved him dearly and I know that the feeling was mutual. I smelled the pipe smoke and knew that something was trying to be said to me. I stood quietly and waited but the smell faded. Two days later the same thing happened except that I was sitting on my couch reading. Then it happened again. This time I got a little frustrated and I said "okay I know that you are there and I know that you are trying to tell me something but I am just not getting it, I am sorry, I just can't figure it out".
The next night I had a dream.
The dream started with me in this big empty house and I knew that Leslie was there, even if I couldn't see him. I could hear babies crying. I searched and searched until I found a big room full of cribs. I looked down and there lay this tiny baby-crying. I reached down to pick it up, but just then a woman appeared and shook her head "no" at me, she grabbed the baby before I could even get a grip on it. Then I looked up and Les was just standing there watching. This
happened at several cribs before I started crying. When I cried, Les just turned and walked away. I followed him but I couldn't find him. I searched the house again, this time for Leslie.
I finally saw him walking up some stairs to the attic. I followed. We held hands as we walked thru the door and into the attic.
The attic was dimly lit and entirely empty. It was as I was looking around that I noticed my father-in-law, Wayne was sitting just under a light, he was in his wheelchair and had a pipe in his hand. When we looked at each other, he smiled really big and I took a step to go and hug him but he held up his hand to stop me. I waited, confused. Then I realized that he had his head tilted and he was listening to someone, I could actually hear faint whisperings. He listened for a moment and then he nodded yes and he looked at me and he smiled and then he was just gone. I looked down and there in my hands was this maroon booklet with letters that I could not read on the front. They were in gold. I opened the book and I just couldn't make out any of the words. As I was puzzling this, I heard a door creak and looked up to see Leslie walking thru another door. I walked over to see what he was doing. When I pushed the door open, my face was flooded by sunlight and I blinked several times. When I could see properly again, I was looking out into a field of golden grass and Les was sitting on a blanket, picnic style and next to him was a small dark haired Asian girlie and she was eating a plum. They smiled at me. The dream ended just as a huge flock of birds took flight and flew overhead.
I woke up, the next morning and I KNEW that something special had taken place. I knew that there was a child for me and I knew that Wayne was watching over her. Yes most of the dream was not hard to interpret, I mean the babies that I could not hold? That's easy. The searching? That's easy. But then there were things that were right on that I had no idea about. There were things that proved to be true. Very true.
We can fast forward a bit as there is no surprise to spoil, we all know how things ended. There I was on the day of the referral call. I was frantically taking down information, they told me that her name was Yi Fu Mei. That Yi was her surname given for the city she was found in (Yichun). Then they said "her name Fu Mei means Lucky Plum" PLUM! That was the fruit that the dream girl was eating. I knew then that there was no doubt, Evelyn Elaine Fu Mei was mine. I sat there, with chills all over my body and I got completely silent, I remember that the caller had to ask if I was there several times before I could even speak again.
Then there we were in China. The day that we met Ev. We had to go to our room for a bit and then meet up with everyone for paperwork. There at that meeting we all three sat for a picture. Then our guide walked over and handed me a maroon booklet with golden Chinese letters on the front-our Adoption Certificate. The one piece of paper that meant that officially- she was ours. I opened the book and, nearly fell down. I could not make the words out. It looked exactly like that dream booklet because my eyes were swimming with tears. Now I knew that I would get a certificate, I knew that there would be things handed to me- of course I did. But I never saw a picture of an Adoption Certificate before or since we were in China. Families have too much going on to photograph each document.
My dream came true. Yes indeedy - my dream came true.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Story: Part 4 Time and Paper, Paper and Time
The first three parts of the The Story can be found here:
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-1-lets-do-this.html
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-2-darkness-falls.html
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-3-north-to-alaska.html
Part 4: Time and Paper, Paper and Time
There we were on the brink of DECISIONS. You know those decisions that in one word or two change your life? The big decisions in tiny moments.
I wasn't keeping a journal or anything at the time, so I have lost bits of how and why and when exactly things were done. Leslie went for the Trip Around from Jan to June of 2003. From June to Jan then was our decision making, researching and money saving time. I can't remember many exact things from this time. I do know that one day a very nice and awesome doctor, heard me talking in our nurse's kitchen about adoption. She just breezed over and said "OH! You want to adopt? I have this great friend who has two daughters from China. She's is always willing to help other folks out. Wait, here's her number- call her" So I called J. J was a Godsend, a fountain of information and the whole time she was giving me info and agencies and general moral support, I could hear her two daughters playing in the background. I got off of the phone in this strange trance. I just sat there for a bit, stunned. She was so matter of fact and with it and had so much good information. Something happened. Things gelled for me.
Leslie and I had spent weeks looking at various countries and pictures of children from these countries. It was just that every time I saw an Asian face my heart would jump. Then this call with J happened and I sat there. And then I knew. That was it, I just knew where to go and get my daughter. I called Les at work and I said "It's China". He said "China huh?" and I said "yep" he said "okay let's do it".
So I contacted CCAI, an agency that J used for her first adoption. We got the paperwork and in Jan of 2004 our application was accepted and we were off. To adopt Internationally you need lots of documentation (that right there is the understatement of the century). You have papers for the agency, papers for the home study, papers for two governments, you must obtain copies of every scrap of officialdom that concerns your life. You must have references. You must figure out your financial worth. You must document all things, these documents are called your Dossier. THEN you send the documents out to be stamped by the various States involved. Then they get sent out to get stamped by someone in the Federal Gov't. Then they get sent out to get stamped by the Chinese Embassy. Then they get sent to your agency and gone over with a fine tooth comb. Then and only then do they get sent to China. Once China has your paper work , your clock for your referral starts. The Date that China gets your paper work is very important, that's your DTC of Dossier To China. Ours was Aug 13, 2004. Evelyn was in China and about 2 months old when we got our DTC date. If you can believe it there is actually more paperwork than implied in the above statements, because each stamping (Authentication) must be accompanied by very specifically written requests. Leslie and I had to sit down and write a several page biography-each. We had to obtain physicals with their special paper work. We had to get letters of Employment with very specific wording.....yadda yadda yadda.
We got our DTC date and The Wait was on. The estimated referral time for Ev was 8-10 months. That seemed so long to me that I can not imagine what it is like for the families that are now waiting for THREE YEARS or more- my heart goes out to them.
I remember that after we were done with the round of p.w. that was the applications to the agency and the Home Study Agency- I was excited to get my Dossier Packet. I have no idea what I thought. It seemed that we had done soooo much already and I thought I would have to just gather some stuff and mail it in. I was blown away by the notarization and verification and authentication that went along with each piece of paper. I sat and had my very first anxiety attack. It all felt so insurmountable in those first moments. I was breathing heavy and crying and wailing and I broke out in hives. It seems so silly now and Les and I laugh about how naive we were. I had my fit and then got to work.
The biggest anxiety of my life happened just as we were finishing the Dossier. This is what I call The First Miracle Of Finishing. We had spent MONTHS gathering paper work. You know all of those steps for each paper? Well, they have to be mailed out and then mailed back to you. I sent off my last piece to The Chinese Embassy in New York. I waited. I watched for it's return. When I checked the online tracking system, it looked funny, like logged in backwards but I blew this off. The day for it's arrival came and went. The next day I started getting worried. See, if this one paper got lost, we would have to backtrack and do it all over again and that would take weeks and may mean that other INS paperwork could expire and on and on...... I called around. I called the NY postal office. I called the Anchorage office. I eventually got to talk to a lady in the Soldotna office. She was the one that said "honey it's lost" . I lost my mind. That is all there is to say. I was supposed to give her a few minutes to phone "Supervisors" and start a search. I called Leslie, he could not even understand what I was saying. I was so upset that I was just blubbering. I called my Dad. Bless that man. He calmed me down a bit. He told me things would be alright, that I should pray. I prayed. I prayed with a mother's earnest heart. Les arrived, after leaving work thinking I was hurt or something awful. I told him what was happening. He dropped into a chair and just stared and said "what are we ever going to do?" It was time to call the lady in Soldotna back. I called her, she was expecting my call. She had the strangest tone in her voice. She said "your package is here", very quietly. I said "what do you mean? it was lost. LOST!" She said I know, I looked everywhere here for it. EVERYWHERE. Out in the trucks, under the desks, in every bin. I could not find it. I wasn't even sure if it was lost here I mean I could not even track it on our computer system, everything about it was wrong. Then I just looked under my counter in my tray and it was there, right on top. I swear that it hadn't been there and then it was there. Your package is here" I was speechless. I made her verify all of the numbers like three times. I told her to hold it and I would drive and get it. She said "you just stay there, this thing will get to you today, I swear it will" Four and a half hours later, there was a knock on my door and that envelope was handed to me. That is a miracle. I know it. That thing was LOST. Gone, no proof it had ever even made it to New york and then it was there and all fine and Authenticated. That was The First Miracle.
So my work was done. It was time to wait. And wait we did.
My mind was filled with thoughts of my daughter constantly. She was so real to me, but yet, not. It seemed so strange that all of that paperwork would yield a child for us. I just kept telling myself that it would happen. I was so anxious for it to happen, I thought that it would NEVER come. That I would never feel my arms full. My longing was a constant, physical companion.
It was about this time that I had a dream........
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-1-lets-do-this.html
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-2-darkness-falls.html
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-3-north-to-alaska.html
Part 4: Time and Paper, Paper and Time
There we were on the brink of DECISIONS. You know those decisions that in one word or two change your life? The big decisions in tiny moments.
I wasn't keeping a journal or anything at the time, so I have lost bits of how and why and when exactly things were done. Leslie went for the Trip Around from Jan to June of 2003. From June to Jan then was our decision making, researching and money saving time. I can't remember many exact things from this time. I do know that one day a very nice and awesome doctor, heard me talking in our nurse's kitchen about adoption. She just breezed over and said "OH! You want to adopt? I have this great friend who has two daughters from China. She's is always willing to help other folks out. Wait, here's her number- call her" So I called J. J was a Godsend, a fountain of information and the whole time she was giving me info and agencies and general moral support, I could hear her two daughters playing in the background. I got off of the phone in this strange trance. I just sat there for a bit, stunned. She was so matter of fact and with it and had so much good information. Something happened. Things gelled for me.
Leslie and I had spent weeks looking at various countries and pictures of children from these countries. It was just that every time I saw an Asian face my heart would jump. Then this call with J happened and I sat there. And then I knew. That was it, I just knew where to go and get my daughter. I called Les at work and I said "It's China". He said "China huh?" and I said "yep" he said "okay let's do it".
So I contacted CCAI, an agency that J used for her first adoption. We got the paperwork and in Jan of 2004 our application was accepted and we were off. To adopt Internationally you need lots of documentation (that right there is the understatement of the century). You have papers for the agency, papers for the home study, papers for two governments, you must obtain copies of every scrap of officialdom that concerns your life. You must have references. You must figure out your financial worth. You must document all things, these documents are called your Dossier. THEN you send the documents out to be stamped by the various States involved. Then they get sent out to get stamped by someone in the Federal Gov't. Then they get sent out to get stamped by the Chinese Embassy. Then they get sent to your agency and gone over with a fine tooth comb. Then and only then do they get sent to China. Once China has your paper work , your clock for your referral starts. The Date that China gets your paper work is very important, that's your DTC of Dossier To China. Ours was Aug 13, 2004. Evelyn was in China and about 2 months old when we got our DTC date. If you can believe it there is actually more paperwork than implied in the above statements, because each stamping (Authentication) must be accompanied by very specifically written requests. Leslie and I had to sit down and write a several page biography-each. We had to obtain physicals with their special paper work. We had to get letters of Employment with very specific wording.....yadda yadda yadda.
We got our DTC date and The Wait was on. The estimated referral time for Ev was 8-10 months. That seemed so long to me that I can not imagine what it is like for the families that are now waiting for THREE YEARS or more- my heart goes out to them.
I remember that after we were done with the round of p.w. that was the applications to the agency and the Home Study Agency- I was excited to get my Dossier Packet. I have no idea what I thought. It seemed that we had done soooo much already and I thought I would have to just gather some stuff and mail it in. I was blown away by the notarization and verification and authentication that went along with each piece of paper. I sat and had my very first anxiety attack. It all felt so insurmountable in those first moments. I was breathing heavy and crying and wailing and I broke out in hives. It seems so silly now and Les and I laugh about how naive we were. I had my fit and then got to work.
The biggest anxiety of my life happened just as we were finishing the Dossier. This is what I call The First Miracle Of Finishing. We had spent MONTHS gathering paper work. You know all of those steps for each paper? Well, they have to be mailed out and then mailed back to you. I sent off my last piece to The Chinese Embassy in New York. I waited. I watched for it's return. When I checked the online tracking system, it looked funny, like logged in backwards but I blew this off. The day for it's arrival came and went. The next day I started getting worried. See, if this one paper got lost, we would have to backtrack and do it all over again and that would take weeks and may mean that other INS paperwork could expire and on and on...... I called around. I called the NY postal office. I called the Anchorage office. I eventually got to talk to a lady in the Soldotna office. She was the one that said "honey it's lost" . I lost my mind. That is all there is to say. I was supposed to give her a few minutes to phone "Supervisors" and start a search. I called Leslie, he could not even understand what I was saying. I was so upset that I was just blubbering. I called my Dad. Bless that man. He calmed me down a bit. He told me things would be alright, that I should pray. I prayed. I prayed with a mother's earnest heart. Les arrived, after leaving work thinking I was hurt or something awful. I told him what was happening. He dropped into a chair and just stared and said "what are we ever going to do?" It was time to call the lady in Soldotna back. I called her, she was expecting my call. She had the strangest tone in her voice. She said "your package is here", very quietly. I said "what do you mean? it was lost. LOST!" She said I know, I looked everywhere here for it. EVERYWHERE. Out in the trucks, under the desks, in every bin. I could not find it. I wasn't even sure if it was lost here I mean I could not even track it on our computer system, everything about it was wrong. Then I just looked under my counter in my tray and it was there, right on top. I swear that it hadn't been there and then it was there. Your package is here" I was speechless. I made her verify all of the numbers like three times. I told her to hold it and I would drive and get it. She said "you just stay there, this thing will get to you today, I swear it will" Four and a half hours later, there was a knock on my door and that envelope was handed to me. That is a miracle. I know it. That thing was LOST. Gone, no proof it had ever even made it to New york and then it was there and all fine and Authenticated. That was The First Miracle.
So my work was done. It was time to wait. And wait we did.
My mind was filled with thoughts of my daughter constantly. She was so real to me, but yet, not. It seemed so strange that all of that paperwork would yield a child for us. I just kept telling myself that it would happen. I was so anxious for it to happen, I thought that it would NEVER come. That I would never feel my arms full. My longing was a constant, physical companion.
It was about this time that I had a dream........
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Warm and Breezy
It's about 60 here today and breezy. The air smells vaguely Spring-ish. So I think and hope that Winter is fading. All I know is that I am in a frenzy. We have all of the windows open to air the house out and I have been cleaning our three season porch to get it up and ready for it's three seasons. Billy Bones is dashing form window to window, sniffing and bright eyed and Ev has about 45 gajillion trillion things we need to go OUT and do. I am with her. I think we'll load up and head to the park so she can run and climb and feel the breeze on her face. This is our second day like this, she spent all day yesterday outside with Leslie.
My emotional state has settled back down to somewhere around normal. That's good. I guess I needed a freak out and the some alone time (which Leslie was gracious enough to provide for me yesterday).
Evelyn has been practicing her Gymnastics and has conquered the Cartwheel! She has only had about five classes so I am really proud of her. She just goes into her room, turns on the FreezePop (music) and starts practicing. It's so funny to see that little body turn circles.
I just can't wait to get that little Mei-Mei home. You know I guess that I should mention for those of you that don't know, Mei-Mei is Chinese for Little Sister. Jie-Jie would be Big Sister.
I just feel so lucky that we get to do this. It feels so great to not be trying to justify Not going for another daughter anymore, that was exhausting me. Now I can just sit back and relax in the glow of 5 months of paperwork..... No really. Everything we do now, I am thinking "oh and then little mei-mei would be doing this.....". I swear I am ready to turn this computer room into a nursery and get all of her clothes washed and put into place. I even feel like I should go look at bottles. I just hold it all back for now. No sense in tiring myself out. plus I will need all of my energy and focus just to get the dossier done. When we mail that baby out though? I am going to be on fire. Then I will have months to sit and wait. And wait. That's exactly how things went for Ev, I was ready with an empty crib and full closet for months. Well, it can't be helped. You know it's perfectly natural since there is nothing else you can do for that child. You arrange furniture and paint and shop and re-arrange.
My emotional state has settled back down to somewhere around normal. That's good. I guess I needed a freak out and the some alone time (which Leslie was gracious enough to provide for me yesterday).
Evelyn has been practicing her Gymnastics and has conquered the Cartwheel! She has only had about five classes so I am really proud of her. She just goes into her room, turns on the FreezePop (music) and starts practicing. It's so funny to see that little body turn circles.
I just can't wait to get that little Mei-Mei home. You know I guess that I should mention for those of you that don't know, Mei-Mei is Chinese for Little Sister. Jie-Jie would be Big Sister.
I just feel so lucky that we get to do this. It feels so great to not be trying to justify Not going for another daughter anymore, that was exhausting me. Now I can just sit back and relax in the glow of 5 months of paperwork..... No really. Everything we do now, I am thinking "oh and then little mei-mei would be doing this.....". I swear I am ready to turn this computer room into a nursery and get all of her clothes washed and put into place. I even feel like I should go look at bottles. I just hold it all back for now. No sense in tiring myself out. plus I will need all of my energy and focus just to get the dossier done. When we mail that baby out though? I am going to be on fire. Then I will have months to sit and wait. And wait. That's exactly how things went for Ev, I was ready with an empty crib and full closet for months. Well, it can't be helped. You know it's perfectly natural since there is nothing else you can do for that child. You arrange furniture and paint and shop and re-arrange.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
This Is A Prayer for a Butter Bean Girl..
Neil Gaman is only my favorite author ever. I think that he has one foot in this world and the other foot in a world of magic. That's him reading in the clip above. I hear this and I think , yes oh yes that's what I want for my daughters.
Running From The Monster
The monster in this case being anxiety from a number of different places.
The runner being ME.
I attended my first day of the Nursing Refresher Course yesterday. I got about 3 hours of sleep before I took off at the very un-Holy hour of 7 am. I arrived just in time, thanks to an accident on the highway. Took my seat and sat in lecture for 8 hours. Then I got in my car and came home (no traffic issues on the way back). I walked in the house and Les and Ev were all snuggled up on the couch (with Billy Bones there too) and they were reading.
I proceeded with the evening as best I could and then directly after we laid Evelyn down for bed time. I freaked out. Yes. For those of you that have heard about these first hand, or lived right above us when they happened- I had a good old fashioned , hasn't happened in at least a year "Michal Fit". Well, it was a level two anyway. (there are 5 levels)
I still don't feel better today.
I did figure out WHY I was/am a mess.
(Chris J? The Adopting Mother Syndrome has once again attacked my psyche!!! RUN! RUN! Oh wait, you are in St Louis- you're good)
There is actually a list. The problem is that I have not had time to process ANY of it. I just keep on trudging along. I think that lack of processing is the actual culprit behind my state right now. I mean this afternoon, I am still jumpy and have trembling hands and I just need to get out on my own.
The list does include some good things, one thing is THE BEST THING EVER. it's just that even when they are good, they have accompanying stress.
The runner being ME.
I attended my first day of the Nursing Refresher Course yesterday. I got about 3 hours of sleep before I took off at the very un-Holy hour of 7 am. I arrived just in time, thanks to an accident on the highway. Took my seat and sat in lecture for 8 hours. Then I got in my car and came home (no traffic issues on the way back). I walked in the house and Les and Ev were all snuggled up on the couch (with Billy Bones there too) and they were reading.
I proceeded with the evening as best I could and then directly after we laid Evelyn down for bed time. I freaked out. Yes. For those of you that have heard about these first hand, or lived right above us when they happened- I had a good old fashioned , hasn't happened in at least a year "Michal Fit". Well, it was a level two anyway. (there are 5 levels)
I still don't feel better today.
I did figure out WHY I was/am a mess.
(Chris J? The Adopting Mother Syndrome has once again attacked my psyche!!! RUN! RUN! Oh wait, you are in St Louis- you're good)
There is actually a list. The problem is that I have not had time to process ANY of it. I just keep on trudging along. I think that lack of processing is the actual culprit behind my state right now. I mean this afternoon, I am still jumpy and have trembling hands and I just need to get out on my own.
The list does include some good things, one thing is THE BEST THING EVER. it's just that even when they are good, they have accompanying stress.
Okay here it is:
- The Adoption of The Mei-Mei (ALREADY I am gnashing my teeth at people who can not return phone calls)
- Returning to Nursing
- Going to a class for the return to nursing
- General Issues with Evelyn (you know those OMG! she's 4 things?)
- Les has talked (guilted) me into this damnable Fat Flush Plan and it is a diet that requires strict regimenting (NOT my strong suit) and a big cut back in calories in general with the addition of weird drinks. Also no carbs OR Dairy. (this alone is enough to make any mere mortal woman a bit techy)
- I have been forced recently to realize that someone very close to me has a drinking issue and I never wanted to believe that it was a problem so believed what was told to me and allowed this very, very dear person to suffer and fall - alone.
- Also it can be very stress inducing in life when you feel that you are the only one, between you and your spouse, that can actually feel anxiety. You start to feel weak and psycho and fragile.
So I had been running from the Monster and the Monster ate my face for a late night snack last night. I hope he got indigestion.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
It's No Big Deal- Right?
It's no big deal that I just laid my daughter down to sleep and I won't see her again until 5 pm tomorrow. I mean it is just a day of class and Jodi will be here with her until Les gets in from work. So she will have a half day with the Jode-ster and then a half day with her Papa. It's no big deal.....at least that's what my rational mind is saying. My mama heart has other notions.
It's just a day. One step for me to take to get back to work. At the most I hope to only be away from her for two nursing shifts a week and then she will be with Les at those times. So overall it's not that bad. AND it HAS to be done if we are to bring home that little baby I am (we all are) so desperately wanting.
It's just that it is the first palpable step in Bean's journey towards being.... I don't know. Older. More Independant. The Big Sister.
I am trying so hard not to be dramatic. But I think I will cry just a bit. Not for the single day we will spend apart but what it is representing.
Like Lyle Lovitt said " and all I did was think- things are about to change".
It's just a day. One step for me to take to get back to work. At the most I hope to only be away from her for two nursing shifts a week and then she will be with Les at those times. So overall it's not that bad. AND it HAS to be done if we are to bring home that little baby I am (we all are) so desperately wanting.
It's just that it is the first palpable step in Bean's journey towards being.... I don't know. Older. More Independant. The Big Sister.
I am trying so hard not to be dramatic. But I think I will cry just a bit. Not for the single day we will spend apart but what it is representing.
Like Lyle Lovitt said " and all I did was think- things are about to change".
The Bean's Paper Kingdom
Bean has this love of paper. Bits of paper invade my life and home and purse and pants pockets and her pockets and Leslie's pockets, and they get stashed into her purses and the purses get stashed under her bed or in her closet. Bits of paper are everywhere. She will want to save the tags off of clothing, any reciept, movie ticket stubs, envelopes(!), any paper insert that comes with toys or videos, the inserts from my birth control pills, junk mail. Stickers! Stickers are good too. They don't even have to be cute kid stickers, address labels will suffice. She is forever walking around and handing out bits of paper that she has affixed one sticker to, usually the piece of paper is one that has been ripped form a larger piece. She will make "bookmarks" out of any old scrap of paper and then find a book to put it in, so chances are, if you grab one of our many books and open it for a quick perusal? A bit of paper will drift down. Her car seat is crammed with ill gotten recipets and toll booth tickets. Really.
There is much bargaining and talking to throw even one scrap away. Here's how bad it is: at Christmas we had a gift exchange with Leslie's family here at the house. I had to make up a few paper tags with numbers on them to mark the presents for a random drawing. Evelyn still has those numbered bits of paper! Instead of watching the festivities, she went around frantically gathering the number tags up and has kept them God only knows where. I see one occassionally.
The other thing then, is the gifting of these papers. I can recieve at least 10 to 15 bits of paper in a single afternoon. These are usually just torn fragments that mean nothing. I mean really we have to admit that- they are meaningless. OR if you are lucky you get one with an address label or some other sticker on it. AND you are expected to show enthusiasm and gratitude and find a safe place for each and every scrap. It's not just us she gives these things to - it's everyone. Last week Les brought her a stack of Post-it's home. That next Monday she wanted to take them to Gymnastics and give all of the kids on her class a single post-it. ( I said no).
Also this week I imported those tags that you can buy to mark pages in books. These brightly colored things that are a heavenly mix of paper AND sticker? Evelyn was breathless with desire for these things! She was breathing heavy and jumping about as soon as I took them out of the bag. She was fidgety. She was anxious. I was forced to give her her own pack, either that or watch her brains melt out of her ears. I gave her blue. She wanted orange. I haven't heard the end of this yet. I kid you not I have had fifty conversations in three days about these tags. She figured that she wasn't going to get anymore until she used up her blue ones. So she tagged every single page in one of her notebooks. When she realized that a trip to Office Max to replenish her stock was not forthcoming- she recycled them.
Today I snapped. As I was attempting to run the vacuum cleaner in the living room, I was stopped TWICE to receive bits of paper. The second time was it. I turned of the vacuum and got down on her level and face to face broke the bad news, as gently as I could. I had to tell her that other people did not love paper the way that she did, that usually people just threw receipts and tags and such away. That she was no longer allowed to hand out paper unless it was an official piece of art work that she sat down and worked on.
Thursday we will talk about throwing some of her stashes away.
Just like when I banned the game "Restaurant"
(see this post http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/08/restaurant-or-mama-takes-stand.html ) I expect that there will be a transition time, then none, and then gradually she will re-establish her paper kingdom but on a much more manageable level. ( To be honest I banned restaurant and never intended to play it again but, it keeps sneaking in somehow-only occasionally though and now with a set menu, and a real waitress pad and her cash register and real recycled reciepts to sign when you pay the bill, and somewhere she has a stash of starlight mints and you get one of those too)
There is much bargaining and talking to throw even one scrap away. Here's how bad it is: at Christmas we had a gift exchange with Leslie's family here at the house. I had to make up a few paper tags with numbers on them to mark the presents for a random drawing. Evelyn still has those numbered bits of paper! Instead of watching the festivities, she went around frantically gathering the number tags up and has kept them God only knows where. I see one occassionally.
The other thing then, is the gifting of these papers. I can recieve at least 10 to 15 bits of paper in a single afternoon. These are usually just torn fragments that mean nothing. I mean really we have to admit that- they are meaningless. OR if you are lucky you get one with an address label or some other sticker on it. AND you are expected to show enthusiasm and gratitude and find a safe place for each and every scrap. It's not just us she gives these things to - it's everyone. Last week Les brought her a stack of Post-it's home. That next Monday she wanted to take them to Gymnastics and give all of the kids on her class a single post-it. ( I said no).
Also this week I imported those tags that you can buy to mark pages in books. These brightly colored things that are a heavenly mix of paper AND sticker? Evelyn was breathless with desire for these things! She was breathing heavy and jumping about as soon as I took them out of the bag. She was fidgety. She was anxious. I was forced to give her her own pack, either that or watch her brains melt out of her ears. I gave her blue. She wanted orange. I haven't heard the end of this yet. I kid you not I have had fifty conversations in three days about these tags. She figured that she wasn't going to get anymore until she used up her blue ones. So she tagged every single page in one of her notebooks. When she realized that a trip to Office Max to replenish her stock was not forthcoming- she recycled them.
Today I snapped. As I was attempting to run the vacuum cleaner in the living room, I was stopped TWICE to receive bits of paper. The second time was it. I turned of the vacuum and got down on her level and face to face broke the bad news, as gently as I could. I had to tell her that other people did not love paper the way that she did, that usually people just threw receipts and tags and such away. That she was no longer allowed to hand out paper unless it was an official piece of art work that she sat down and worked on.
Thursday we will talk about throwing some of her stashes away.
Just like when I banned the game "Restaurant"
(see this post http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/08/restaurant-or-mama-takes-stand.html ) I expect that there will be a transition time, then none, and then gradually she will re-establish her paper kingdom but on a much more manageable level. ( To be honest I banned restaurant and never intended to play it again but, it keeps sneaking in somehow-only occasionally though and now with a set menu, and a real waitress pad and her cash register and real recycled reciepts to sign when you pay the bill, and somewhere she has a stash of starlight mints and you get one of those too)
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Nightmare in Beachwood
In fact, it was nightmare form Cleveland to Beachwood to Mayfield Heights.
Let me explain. Yesterday Jodi cam over to go with us to the Natural History Museum. She was on time, I was late getting ready. After living with me for 15 years, Leslie knew that lunch was up to him. He made us all terrific veggie sandwiches before we headed out.
We made it to the museum with only a minor mishap ( that was Les getting so caught up in quoting The Incredibles that he nearly missed the exit and had to zoom across three lanes to make it). The only other thing I noticed was the face freezing bitter Cleveland Cold while we walked up to MNH, but this wouldn't be a factor until later.....
We went in. Okay remember the thing Evelyn has about skeletons? I wonder what I was thinking. Apparently Natural History means skeletons- everywhere. People skeletons, monkey skeletons, strange prehistoric man skeletons, skeletons of giant monsters that have huge teeth and could eat you......She did pretty good though. Only minor flinching and cowering. Leslie was really good with her and by the end f the day she said that the dinosaurs were her favorite. All is well that ends well. The highlight of the day was getting to see a little Mohawk-y duck in their outside display, that would lay the mohawk down, dive and emerge, shake his head and lift the orange-ish mohawk back up. Pretty cool that duck. I laughed out loud every single time he bobbed back up ( as did Jodi and Evelyn and Les).
After the Museum. We were hungry. I was very hungry. Evelyn was "twenty thirteen hungries". No problemo. We went into Downtown, parked at the back of Tower City, shopped for a bit then headed out of the front to go to Frank and Pauly's in the BP building (a block away). MAN! Was it cold. Like really cold. Like my brain is now a slushy cold. We get to the door, right under the big sign advertising this restaurant and we can't get in. The doors are locked. But there was a call box. We called. We were informed by the amused Security Guard that F&P had been closed- for three years!!! This is where the cold comes in, we had to walk back to Tower City with no reprieve from the cold. It was effing cold.
Okay Plan B. Back to our area to eat. BUT, we were being picky. We wanted Beninhana's. We did not have a reservation. SHAME!!!! SHAME!!!!!
Okay Plan C. Back to the truck. I mean we were in Beachwood, there should be something right? Wrong.
Okay forging ahead. We find some restaurants near Beachwood place and want to eat at a Chinese place that has a sign but we could see no discernible proof of that restaurant existing. We did not exit the truck. It was about here that as Ev launched into one more of her "work" stories I asked her to be quiet. She got frustrated and did a little fit thingy in her carseat. I responded with the scream about death and starvation. In my defense it was dark, the veggie sandwiches had worn off, we were stressed and partially lost.
Eventually we made it to a Brown Derby Roadhouse and ate. The nightmare did continue for Jodi though, her fish came with it's skin on.
Then we were all miserable because we were stuffed.
Let me explain. Yesterday Jodi cam over to go with us to the Natural History Museum. She was on time, I was late getting ready. After living with me for 15 years, Leslie knew that lunch was up to him. He made us all terrific veggie sandwiches before we headed out.
We made it to the museum with only a minor mishap ( that was Les getting so caught up in quoting The Incredibles that he nearly missed the exit and had to zoom across three lanes to make it). The only other thing I noticed was the face freezing bitter Cleveland Cold while we walked up to MNH, but this wouldn't be a factor until later.....
We went in. Okay remember the thing Evelyn has about skeletons? I wonder what I was thinking. Apparently Natural History means skeletons- everywhere. People skeletons, monkey skeletons, strange prehistoric man skeletons, skeletons of giant monsters that have huge teeth and could eat you......She did pretty good though. Only minor flinching and cowering. Leslie was really good with her and by the end f the day she said that the dinosaurs were her favorite. All is well that ends well. The highlight of the day was getting to see a little Mohawk-y duck in their outside display, that would lay the mohawk down, dive and emerge, shake his head and lift the orange-ish mohawk back up. Pretty cool that duck. I laughed out loud every single time he bobbed back up ( as did Jodi and Evelyn and Les).
After the Museum. We were hungry. I was very hungry. Evelyn was "twenty thirteen hungries". No problemo. We went into Downtown, parked at the back of Tower City, shopped for a bit then headed out of the front to go to Frank and Pauly's in the BP building (a block away). MAN! Was it cold. Like really cold. Like my brain is now a slushy cold. We get to the door, right under the big sign advertising this restaurant and we can't get in. The doors are locked. But there was a call box. We called. We were informed by the amused Security Guard that F&P had been closed- for three years!!! This is where the cold comes in, we had to walk back to Tower City with no reprieve from the cold. It was effing cold.
Okay Plan B. Back to our area to eat. BUT, we were being picky. We wanted Beninhana's. We did not have a reservation. SHAME!!!! SHAME!!!!!
Okay Plan C. Back to the truck. I mean we were in Beachwood, there should be something right? Wrong.
Okay forging ahead. We find some restaurants near Beachwood place and want to eat at a Chinese place that has a sign but we could see no discernible proof of that restaurant existing. We did not exit the truck. It was about here that as Ev launched into one more of her "work" stories I asked her to be quiet. She got frustrated and did a little fit thingy in her carseat. I responded with the scream about death and starvation. In my defense it was dark, the veggie sandwiches had worn off, we were stressed and partially lost.
Eventually we made it to a Brown Derby Roadhouse and ate. The nightmare did continue for Jodi though, her fish came with it's skin on.
Then we were all miserable because we were stuffed.
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