The Bean and I had the best morning and early afternoon together. We did nothing special, we did not leave the house, we did not have grand adventures. What we did have was quiet time together, laughing and teasing. Feeling the warm summer breezes blow through the house, laughing together over Billy's silliness. We had a Candyland Tournament (Bean won). That's it really. But it was nice. It was just what I needed today and I suspect, what she needed as well.
Her cousins are here now and the three of them are pouring over pokemon cards and discussing subjects that are important to them. Leslie will be home early from work and the 5 of us are going to head off for a hectic afternoon of adoption related errand running.
This morning was just me and Ev.
Mighty nice.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sometimes
Sometimes I get tired.
I have mentioned before that Bean is complex. I have mentioned how she likes everything just so. I have mentioned how we deal with some issues left over from her first days.....
The thing that MOST gets me down is the constant play around her stubbornness, how she is never really excited -ok let me re-phrase that- how she IS excited but can not let herself show it. How she never fully jumps into ANYTHING enthusiastically unless it is her idea. Now I know that some of this is just "kid stuff". Some of it is not.
I have been struggling lately with a few things. Mainly how she can not just be loved on, how she can not let any energy go without careful consideration.
I was hit with a revelation last week. I was on the phone explaining some of the "whys" of Bean's behaviors to a family member and in my frustrations, I blurted out "it's like this, she had to use so much energy to simply survive, until we got her, that she reads a situation and if it will require her to let go of control and then to also use up some of her energy (emotional stuff) then, she will completely dismiss it and go on because it is still about simply surviving".
And that's it. There are people in her life who do not think that she is a "deep" child, who think that she is not sensitive. The irony is that she feels more deeply and completely than anyone I have ever known. She is just not able to let go and reveal that.
This is a girl who will fall down and, even though I know that she is hurt, she will laugh and announce how silly she is, walk out of sight and then let herself feel the pain. Yes, I always go after her, and comfort her.
This is a girl that, even if the only thing she wants in the universe is to put on a fun apron and bake cookies, will NOT do it if I say "hey kid, come on! let's bake cookies." Yes we bake cookies, but I have to just put my own apron on, lay hers out, and start baking, then she will join me happily.
This is a girl who will not just cuddle. It has to be on her terms. Yes, we cuddle. Yes we are helping her around this issue.
Sometimes though? I just want to holler, "let's play in the rain!!" and have a kid that yells "YES!" and runs outside to join me. Sometime I want to just grab her and lay down and cuddle without telling her that Mama needs the cuddle even if she doesn't. Sometimes I want to have our plans change without having the Spanish Inquisition over it. Sometimes I want it to be easier.
Except that if it were ANY different, then SHE would be different. And that is the last thing that I want.
Some days we trip along and NONE of this comes up. Sometimes we spend DAYS around these issues.
Heaven help me if I use the wrong phrase and see her set her face. I know that I have just lost a battle and that will never change. I never knew that a human being could be so small and so young but so absolutely resolute. Leslie puts it this way, "She got her Warriors in place in those first ten months, they are strong and they helped her live until we could get there. We just need to learn to work around them, because they aren't going anywhere." So that's what we do.
If you are reading this and you are in the Adoption Community, please do not think that we are ignoring her attachment issues, we face them and deal with them every day. We help her and work through things as they come up. I just did some parent training for our agency and in one of the classes, a very smart lady with a daughter form China, said "these things COULD just be personality or they could be attachment issues , it's hard to tell , but either way what's wrong with making room for your child to be herself and love her the best that you can?"
That's where we are, when you read about attachment disorders, you get the established spectrum of no problems to severe problems. If you are a family like ours and just have a few, what? blips, hiccoughs, you just read and read and read and do what you can. Sometimes you follow your gut. Sometimes you go against your gut. You keep trying until you see a change. Until you see a smile that you have never seen before or until your daughter falls down and runs to you for the first time.
People always ask us if the adoption of a child with medical needs scares us. I always kind of laugh. Because technically they are all special needs. They have all lost more in a short time than we can ever imagine. I live every day with the emotional left overs of Bean's early days. I have no label. I have no prescription. There is no surgery. No team of Specialists. It's just you and your baby and a broken heart that needs mending. So, no. The physical stuff does not scare us. It's knowing that your children come to you with a pain that you will never be able to heal. It's knowing that someday they will be hit full force with the knowledge of the nuts and bolts of how they came to be yours.
During all of the "sighs and whys", I have NEVER regretted my daughter. I have never wanted anything but Evelyn. I am glad that my body is a mess and I was lead to China for her. She is mine. And you know what? Who really cares in the end HOW she gets the apron on and starts baking and giggling. She is there, right beside me, living her life. Being loved and loving in return.
I have mentioned before that Bean is complex. I have mentioned how she likes everything just so. I have mentioned how we deal with some issues left over from her first days.....
The thing that MOST gets me down is the constant play around her stubbornness, how she is never really excited -ok let me re-phrase that- how she IS excited but can not let herself show it. How she never fully jumps into ANYTHING enthusiastically unless it is her idea. Now I know that some of this is just "kid stuff". Some of it is not.
I have been struggling lately with a few things. Mainly how she can not just be loved on, how she can not let any energy go without careful consideration.
I was hit with a revelation last week. I was on the phone explaining some of the "whys" of Bean's behaviors to a family member and in my frustrations, I blurted out "it's like this, she had to use so much energy to simply survive, until we got her, that she reads a situation and if it will require her to let go of control and then to also use up some of her energy (emotional stuff) then, she will completely dismiss it and go on because it is still about simply surviving".
And that's it. There are people in her life who do not think that she is a "deep" child, who think that she is not sensitive. The irony is that she feels more deeply and completely than anyone I have ever known. She is just not able to let go and reveal that.
This is a girl who will fall down and, even though I know that she is hurt, she will laugh and announce how silly she is, walk out of sight and then let herself feel the pain. Yes, I always go after her, and comfort her.
This is a girl that, even if the only thing she wants in the universe is to put on a fun apron and bake cookies, will NOT do it if I say "hey kid, come on! let's bake cookies." Yes we bake cookies, but I have to just put my own apron on, lay hers out, and start baking, then she will join me happily.
This is a girl who will not just cuddle. It has to be on her terms. Yes, we cuddle. Yes we are helping her around this issue.
Sometimes though? I just want to holler, "let's play in the rain!!" and have a kid that yells "YES!" and runs outside to join me. Sometime I want to just grab her and lay down and cuddle without telling her that Mama needs the cuddle even if she doesn't. Sometimes I want to have our plans change without having the Spanish Inquisition over it. Sometimes I want it to be easier.
Except that if it were ANY different, then SHE would be different. And that is the last thing that I want.
Some days we trip along and NONE of this comes up. Sometimes we spend DAYS around these issues.
Heaven help me if I use the wrong phrase and see her set her face. I know that I have just lost a battle and that will never change. I never knew that a human being could be so small and so young but so absolutely resolute. Leslie puts it this way, "She got her Warriors in place in those first ten months, they are strong and they helped her live until we could get there. We just need to learn to work around them, because they aren't going anywhere." So that's what we do.
If you are reading this and you are in the Adoption Community, please do not think that we are ignoring her attachment issues, we face them and deal with them every day. We help her and work through things as they come up. I just did some parent training for our agency and in one of the classes, a very smart lady with a daughter form China, said "these things COULD just be personality or they could be attachment issues , it's hard to tell , but either way what's wrong with making room for your child to be herself and love her the best that you can?"
That's where we are, when you read about attachment disorders, you get the established spectrum of no problems to severe problems. If you are a family like ours and just have a few, what? blips, hiccoughs, you just read and read and read and do what you can. Sometimes you follow your gut. Sometimes you go against your gut. You keep trying until you see a change. Until you see a smile that you have never seen before or until your daughter falls down and runs to you for the first time.
People always ask us if the adoption of a child with medical needs scares us. I always kind of laugh. Because technically they are all special needs. They have all lost more in a short time than we can ever imagine. I live every day with the emotional left overs of Bean's early days. I have no label. I have no prescription. There is no surgery. No team of Specialists. It's just you and your baby and a broken heart that needs mending. So, no. The physical stuff does not scare us. It's knowing that your children come to you with a pain that you will never be able to heal. It's knowing that someday they will be hit full force with the knowledge of the nuts and bolts of how they came to be yours.
During all of the "sighs and whys", I have NEVER regretted my daughter. I have never wanted anything but Evelyn. I am glad that my body is a mess and I was lead to China for her. She is mine. And you know what? Who really cares in the end HOW she gets the apron on and starts baking and giggling. She is there, right beside me, living her life. Being loved and loving in return.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Her Room
Ev's room did get done on that Friday that I swore it would get done. It looks great! Evelyn loves it and keeps it immaculate- no messes in her pink room (not many messes before but now she is militant). The picture does not really do that pink justice, it's a very light and soft rose petal pink. The curtains I got from Target and they happened to match the walls exactly, I also got that sweet pink rug there too (it was on clearance). It is just the room I wanted for her, no it's not matchy matchy with every single piece matching and the furniture is not from Pottery Barn (mostly it's from The Miscellaneous Barn) but we think it's pretty and fits her personality.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
5
Wednesday June 24, 2009- Evelyn turned 5.
I am now the proud Mama of one 5 year old.
She had a small Luau, just the G's, Lissa and Brev and Jodi. That was enough for her. Leslie worked all day on Tuesday building her that play house, she loves it and is currently trying to figure out how to keep spiders out of it. We had good food, good luau music and good company. I hope that she will remember this as one of her best birthdays. It was so much fun for Leslie and I.
Thanks Lissa for keeping her at your place so we could get her house built!
I am now the proud Mama of one 5 year old.
She has been with us for 4 years and 1 month of that time. I can not believe how fast the time has gone since they placed her in my arms. I was just looking at some old pictures and I was thinking how big she looked to me now, how old she was now and I was getting sad. Then I saw pictures from her third birthday- then I got sadder. I realized that at her third birthday I felt the same, "oh how big she was, she's not a baby anymore, now she's a big girl, oh she's so tall" etc. etc., NOW looking at those pictures I realized that she wasn't yet that big or grown up, that she was only three, then I realized that at her 7th birthday, she will seem so small to me on her 5th! I realized that no matter what I want, she will continue to grow and blossom every year. Don't get me wrong, I love who she is now. I just wish I had those first 11 months with her. Leslie says that even if I had those 11 months , I would feel the same. He says that no matter how long you have your children, young and safe at home that it is never quite long enough.
Evelyn now rides her bike like nobody's business, loves her Gymnastics, still loves any beach time that she gets, talks about a hundred miles a second. She is funny and bright. Smart and occasionally smart aleck-y. She is still small , 27 1/2 pounds and 37 inches tall. Her hair has darkened and is now a very dark brown, yet not black. She loves Billy Bones and they are more like siblings than anything else. She loves her stuffed "ameeuhls" and likes to fill them up with "love" for any family member that will be away from home. She is nuts about her Papa and they spend alot of time together playing and doing school and smoking pipes. Just last week she used the words "certainly" and "obligations" in sentences. She knows her alphabet and can count to 100. She is writing some now and can write a few words like Mama, Papa, Evelyn, Billy also any word that you spell out for her. She still loves when I clean the toilet and loves to help me sweep. She has two moods, talking and happy. She is polite and kind and completely mystified by mean people or children who do not listen to their parents. She is forever doing these little, small things around the house, like making book marks or, arranging things in different ways. She loves to cook with me and has recently started making up her own recipes.
I love this girl. She is an entire universe to me.
She had a small Luau, just the G's, Lissa and Brev and Jodi. That was enough for her. Leslie worked all day on Tuesday building her that play house, she loves it and is currently trying to figure out how to keep spiders out of it. We had good food, good luau music and good company. I hope that she will remember this as one of her best birthdays. It was so much fun for Leslie and I.
Thanks Lissa for keeping her at your place so we could get her house built!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
What the deal is
I have not posted in a week. In that week we have had Father's Day, family fun, home decorating, birthday preps (ev's), hair cuts (mine), new i-phones......
So why not post and talk about all of that? Well for a few reasons
So why not post and talk about all of that? Well for a few reasons
- Les surprised me with a new i-phone and there was alot of getting used to it and keeping the computer humming "syncing" the phones and a bunch of computer-y geek stuff that I never quite fullunderstood.
- I have three kids most of the week now.
- There is a problem with the computer. A vague and slowing issue that we are just hoping will magically go away. This means that making posts and loading pictures and everything that I do on this hunk of junk just takes so looooooong and there is sunshine and kids to play with and parties to plan.......
- My tiny brown daughter is turning 5 today. I have been planning her party and assisting (cough cough) with the construction of her gift, a cedar playhouse in the backyard.
More on the party(luau theme) and the growing child later. I am off to buy a cake (ice cream kind) and lay in a ton of hot dogs for the cook out today.
Ev's Father
I know that Father's Day has come and gone. I still want to say some things to my husband.
Leslie,
I was trying to say some of these things in Brennan's on Father's Day, you were there, I got teary eyed and nearly leaked onto my crab cakes so I had to change the subject. Maybe that was enough for you. Maybe you saw the look in my eyes and could understand in some way, the things that I was trying to get out. It is not enough for me though. I have things I want to say.
I remember laying on that hammock at that lake in New York as we talked about becoming a family of three. I remember thinking that it would be fun to watch you become a father. I was right. It has been fun and it has been a profound privilege.
I watch you with Evelyn and I see before me, this man that just gets it. You are kind and considerate to her. You think about preparing her for the world while keeping her safely tucked away at home. When you talk about her with me on those late nights in the kitchen, I can see the love you have for her shining out of your eyes. I watch you with her and I know that, that little body is what you most hold dear in this life. You know what? That does not make me jealous or leave me trying to figure out where I fit in. I see that and inside I think "yes, that's the way all daughters should be loved by their Papa's". And I know that your ability to father Evelyn in such a loving and complete way only adds to what we have together.
You simply "get" her. We know that she is a complex little girl and that you can understand that and love her around letting her be herself - that reveals alot about the man and father that you are.
I know that you will have a hard time accepting these things that I am saying. I know that you will remember the times that you have lost your temper or gone to bed feeling like you could have done better with her that day. That's okay. Because when those times come up, I see you get all quiet and broody and later we talk. Later you will talk about why you were short tempered and why you were not yourself with her, and then you change it. I have watched you apologize to her when no other parent would even consider such a thing. I have watched you leave yourself and every other concern behind and place her at the top of the list. There is a giggle that she has that I only hear when she is goofign off with you. How many parents have that? The girl adores you.
That is what great fathers do. They love, they play, they LIKE their children, they are human, they learn, they prepare, they adapt, they place the child before everything else.
You will have to trust me on this one, I know about great Fathers- I have one, I know all of the signs.
Michal
Leslie,
I was trying to say some of these things in Brennan's on Father's Day, you were there, I got teary eyed and nearly leaked onto my crab cakes so I had to change the subject. Maybe that was enough for you. Maybe you saw the look in my eyes and could understand in some way, the things that I was trying to get out. It is not enough for me though. I have things I want to say.
I remember laying on that hammock at that lake in New York as we talked about becoming a family of three. I remember thinking that it would be fun to watch you become a father. I was right. It has been fun and it has been a profound privilege.
I watch you with Evelyn and I see before me, this man that just gets it. You are kind and considerate to her. You think about preparing her for the world while keeping her safely tucked away at home. When you talk about her with me on those late nights in the kitchen, I can see the love you have for her shining out of your eyes. I watch you with her and I know that, that little body is what you most hold dear in this life. You know what? That does not make me jealous or leave me trying to figure out where I fit in. I see that and inside I think "yes, that's the way all daughters should be loved by their Papa's". And I know that your ability to father Evelyn in such a loving and complete way only adds to what we have together.
You simply "get" her. We know that she is a complex little girl and that you can understand that and love her around letting her be herself - that reveals alot about the man and father that you are.
I know that you will have a hard time accepting these things that I am saying. I know that you will remember the times that you have lost your temper or gone to bed feeling like you could have done better with her that day. That's okay. Because when those times come up, I see you get all quiet and broody and later we talk. Later you will talk about why you were short tempered and why you were not yourself with her, and then you change it. I have watched you apologize to her when no other parent would even consider such a thing. I have watched you leave yourself and every other concern behind and place her at the top of the list. There is a giggle that she has that I only hear when she is goofign off with you. How many parents have that? The girl adores you.
That is what great fathers do. They love, they play, they LIKE their children, they are human, they learn, they prepare, they adapt, they place the child before everything else.
You will have to trust me on this one, I know about great Fathers- I have one, I know all of the signs.
Michal
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
A Mental Moment
My hubs is "standing duty", this means that he is at work for awhile..
My upstairs is still torn apart in order to do Bean's room.
My nerves have had enough.
So in my infinite wisdom this evening, I called my husband at work and RANTED. For about 45 seconds, then I sweetly said "okay, then...that's it, I'll talk to you later".
My husband is used to a little crazy. He is probably glad that it was only 45 seconds and I pulled myself out of the swan dive.
It's just that it has been 10 days so far and it was hot and humid and I have been tripping and banging my toes and shins on things for about....oh TEN DAYS.....
Now, I am a bit nutsoid about the house. I like it how I like it. Clean and orderly.
If the house is not clean and orderly, then I stay unsettled on some deep and important level. Now, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I have loosened up a bit with the Mama Years-however.....
Enough is enough though.
Les will be home in the morning on Friday and we are going to finish that room.
I swear it will be done.
My upstairs is still torn apart in order to do Bean's room.
My nerves have had enough.
So in my infinite wisdom this evening, I called my husband at work and RANTED. For about 45 seconds, then I sweetly said "okay, then...that's it, I'll talk to you later".
My husband is used to a little crazy. He is probably glad that it was only 45 seconds and I pulled myself out of the swan dive.
It's just that it has been 10 days so far and it was hot and humid and I have been tripping and banging my toes and shins on things for about....oh TEN DAYS.....
Now, I am a bit nutsoid about the house. I like it how I like it. Clean and orderly.
If the house is not clean and orderly, then I stay unsettled on some deep and important level. Now, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I have loosened up a bit with the Mama Years-however.....
Enough is enough though.
Les will be home in the morning on Friday and we are going to finish that room.
I swear it will be done.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Stage Complete?
It seems that we may be out of rough waters with Bean. (cross my fingers, knock on wood, hope and pray) She was being a bit of a stinker a couple of weeks ago. I thought that maybe she was hitting her teen year attitude a bit early (I tend to be a bit dramatic in my fretting). It seems that, with a bit of patience and gentle reminders- consitently and constantly- for days on end, she has remembered who she is.
Thank Goodness.
That nervous twitch I had going was getting a bit ridiculous.
Thank Goodness.
That nervous twitch I had going was getting a bit ridiculous.
A Perfect Saturday
On this past Saturday, we loaded The Bean up and headed out for some family fun. Leslie and I decided that it would be nice to take Bean canoeing for the day. We found a river, rented a boat and took off. I was surprised at what a nice time we all had. I really thought that Bean would worry and fret the whole day, but I was pleasantly surprised. The weather was perfect, just when you thought, "oh it's hot", you would drift under the trees and cool off, just when you thought"oh it's cool", you would drift out into the warm sunshine for a bit. We DID have one tip over and contrary to popular belief, it wasn't MY fault- it was Leslie's. I am working on not letting him forget that for a few years at least, as I was named "The Wild Card" heading into the trip. Bean loved the boat ride. We all loved it.
We all three just drifted lazily down the river, talking quietly and joking, watching the birds and such. We ended a bit wet but it was all fun. I also have a nice black/green bruise on my right leg form when we tipped over. Oh! Also about the tipping....Bean kept her cool and was the only one that managed to stay in the boat, so I promptly picked her up and plopped her in the river- Mama trumps Gravity.
We ended the day with some ice cream and then we went to Grandma's house for some Smokewood Time.
It was a great day and one that has gone down in my memory as one of the best days in my life.
We all three just drifted lazily down the river, talking quietly and joking, watching the birds and such. We ended a bit wet but it was all fun. I also have a nice black/green bruise on my right leg form when we tipped over. Oh! Also about the tipping....Bean kept her cool and was the only one that managed to stay in the boat, so I promptly picked her up and plopped her in the river- Mama trumps Gravity.
We ended the day with some ice cream and then we went to Grandma's house for some Smokewood Time.
It was a great day and one that has gone down in my memory as one of the best days in my life.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Boy Crazy?
While driving around yesterday, Evelyn and I were stopped at a red light. This was possibly the luckiest red light of my life. Why, you ask?
Because standing on the corner, waiting for the light to change so he could jog on, stood a VERY hot and VERY handsome figure of a man (maybe 22?). He reminded me of Brad Pitt when he was young- think Thelma and Louise levels of Hawtness here. This was a FINE looking fella. FINE. And slighty sweaty and breathing heavy. And he had muscles. I was sitting there and remotely answering Ev as I was admiring this guy. Ev must have followed my line of sight because all of a sudden , she stopped mid-sentence and gasped. Then in a voice filled with wonder and light she said "OH! MY!!!! Mama WHO is that boy?!?!!"
THEN she said " I want to just kiss him! I really want to kiss that boy."
I said " Evelyn, where would you kiss him?"
E: Our wedding
M: Your wedding?
E: Yes, I am going to marry that boy. I don't even know his name. I don't need to know his name, he can tell me after the wedding!
Sadly, my hot son-in-law jogged off into the sunset.
Much to the dismay of mother and daughter.
The Learning Continues
- A nine year old boy is incapable of keeping a non-goofy expression for photos.
- Barbie Snatching is taboo. If you Barbie Snatch you are marked forever and no one will trust you.
- Play-Dough snatching is farther down the sin ladder than Barbie Snatching.
- If children hear an adult mutter the word "bastard", they will be compelled to repeat it as many times as possible in a 2 minute time span-or until the adult manages to convince them that it is, indeed, a cuss word. (it will still be funny and whispered for the duration of the afternoon however)
- Even though your parents sent a perfectly good, and yummy lunch, the schlock that your Aunt passes off for food will be far more appealing.
- Wiping with wall paper does not necesarily lead to a bladder infection. Also on this note, my toilet did not clog. Everybody wins!
- Endless rounds of "Couch Jumping" and "Gun Fight" do tend to make my left eye twitch.
- Movies made for children, good ones, are a thing sent to this earth by God Almighty Himself. I am completely convinced of this fact.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Adventures in Babysitting
This is not about that movie that the chic from Karate Kid was in...this is about me. I have taken a "summer job". I am babysitting Kate and Aden, (Bean's cousins) a few days a week through out the summer.
Today is my first day.
We have already had a few....ummm..happenings. Let's call them learning experiences, shall we?
The things I have learned so far today are:
Today is my first day.
We have already had a few....ummm..happenings. Let's call them learning experiences, shall we?
The things I have learned so far today are:
- A nine year old boy arrives with toy guns. A nine year old boy gathers up all other toy guns in a three block radius. A nine year old boy will then proceed to use these toy guns to emphasize any and all conversational points. If said nine year old finds himself, inexplicably, with out a "gun" , he can and will use any thing in the near vicinity that resembles a gun to continue pontification.
- Those Nerf dart gun things are truly annoying to anyone who is NOT 1) a boy 2) under 15
- There is a law of nature that states a child's desire to watch a film is proportionately related to the desire of other children to watch the movie-conversely. This means that you can NOT get three children to agree on any single movie. You have to promise 2 movies- with your fingers crossed behind your back- and hope they move on.(they don't)
- No matter how little water you add to a Barbie pool with the accompanying threats about getting yourself , the floor, the cat wet? Your down stairs will be soaked and you will have to change at least one child.
- Your nine year old nephew lives in house where-in the Mother always closes the door. This means that when you are getting undressed to hop in the shower (because they came at 8 am and I DO NOT shower before 10 am), your nephew will start charging up the stairs to tell you that he is done with the movie now and you will shout out " ADEN! I...! UHHH!! In a minute! " . THIS nephew though has heard the story about the other nephew seeing me naked, accidentally, a few too many times (Scott was a baby then-his father wasn't-'nuff said?) and had things figured out before I stopped sputtering and ran hell bent for leather back down the stairs, thus preventing unsavory outcomes.( such as blindness, the need for therapy and the need to explain to his mother).
- When you do get all of the way naked and one leg into the shower you will realize a few things. Things like your house is quiet while the street is sounding a bit like Mogadishu, that you heard your door slam, like those voices out on the street sound eerily familiar. Then you will hastily and a bit dampily, wrap a towel around you and holler ( a la Whispering Pines style) out of a window for the hoodlums to return inside. Then you will get that same leg back into the shower and realize that the hoodlums are now pounding away and screaming at the back door as they have locked themselves out. Then you will fumble your clothes back on and go down to let them in. And try not to visit physical violence upon their bodies.
- I also learned the it may not be a good idea to combine the idea of helping me strip the bathroom wall paper off the walls with a talk about "using the bathroom". This may confuse certain 6 year old nieces and they MAY think that you mean them to use the wall paper as toilet paper. I am waiting to see how the toilet will handle a bit of old vinyl wall paper......
- When you are applying make-up around two young girls, it ends up being "beauty shop", no mater what you do. I am wearing a shockingly small amount of make-up for this crowd.
- My niece thinks that barbies who swim naked are morally reprehensible.
It's only 1 pm as I write this. My goodness what will I have learned once the summer is complete?
Monday, June 8, 2009
Growing Pains
I realize that I have been a bit of a slacker kind of blogger lately. It's just that I stopped slacking in other areas and I find that I am out of time by the time the day winds down. I have also sworn to limit my computer time in an attempt to have more time to play with The Bean. So far though, all I have is more time to paint her bedroom (it looks great by the way- just one more coat of the color and 2 coats on the trim to go) and a bit more time to work on the adoption.
Working on the adoption is a good thing though, even if some play time is sacrificed, I mean- who else is going to wrestle this stuff and make a baby out of it? Me that's who.
Then also with The Bean, she has had some ummm, issues lately. She has been having, and giving us, some growing pains. She has reached a new level of mental and emotional growth but not yet obtained the control to go along with it. This means that we face some very old issues with her origins and at the same time we get a whole bunch of new stuff added in. It's like she's a blasted teenager already! (GAHHHH! The teen years, I can NOT let myself think on those coming days, else I fret and worry and vomit. )
Some of the things that have been happening (in no specific order) are:
- Blatant outlaw-ishness
- Blatant disobedience
- Lackadaisical response to parental requests
- Saying nasty and hurtful things to her cousins (things that make them cry in bewilderment and hurt)
- Acting decidedly ungrateful (and downright nasty) when presents and surprises are given to her
- Also her need to control every eventuality and ALL of the things going on around her are exhausting me. I am just worn out by her need to control.
- The talking. Yes, she talks through it all. (as an example I am sitting here typing while she is holding an out and out discourse/review of the Twilight Princess/Link game. And I am required to respond intelligently. Please do not suggest that I tell her to be quiet, I have to save those requests for when my ears are jelly- also she CAN NOT - NOT talk)
Is she still cute? Yes. Am I still over the moon for her? Absolutely.
She is still, The Bean. She still is sweet and loving (on her terms). She is bright and funny. Basically I am trying to say that even though we are having some hard days, we are still here. Being us. Loving Ev and playing with her. We are trying to help her learn some control of herself and remind her how to be the nice girl that we know she is.
It just doesn't make for interesting blogging.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Near! Far!
If you can imagine Grover, right up against the tv shouting ,"near!", then dancing waaaaayy back until he is a tiny blue spot and shouting "far!"- you will have an idea of my emotional outlook concerning The Younger.
Some days I feel like having a second child, being a family of 4, having another small one to snuggle....all of those things is just so close that I get nauseous and shaky with anticipation.
Some days I feel like I am slowing struggling up the side of a mountain and that we will never get to the top.
I still have so much to do with the paper work. I have to start the rounds of Notarization, Certification and Authentication. As well as organize our papers for Immigration. I was also pursuing Evelyn's passport and I thought that was all taken care of and then "WHAM!"- I get a letter asking for her Certificate of Citizenship-which was sent along with her passport stuff-which means that somewhere between here and New Orleans her CofC has been lost - so I am following up on THAT. I am also still chasing my Ohio Nursing License and need to find a job.
Ironically, I have NOT been frantically working away like a busy little bee. I have been slacking. I have gone into my typical stress mode which is called "avoidance" to the rest of the world. I really need to stop being a baby and just jump on the bandwagon and I will.
I remember that I had a period like this with The Bean's adoption. I just shut down for a bit. You want the baby, you need the baby but the process of obtaining the baby just drains you until there is nothing left for awhile. It's a combination of stressor avoidance and also a certain amount of grieving.
YES!!!! I KNOW!!!!! Grieving?!?!?!?! What the hell?!?!?! BUT you do. You KNOW that everything is about to get all topsy turvy. You know that you want it to. It's just that well, it's going to change. So you think "here is the end of this part of my life". I know that what follows is better. I know that what follows is miraculous. It's just that it is new and different. And I REALLY can not wait for it to happen. Does any of that make ANY sense? To anyone?!?!?
Welcome to my crazy train.
I can spend entire days in the "near" phase OR seconds. The same goes with the "far" phase. You just karoom between the two extremes and hope to God in Heaven that some dufus doesn't loose any of your paperwork.
(But they do. In two adoptions I have had some government official-y place loose something-each time so far. That helps with the stress and the hand wringing and the roiling nausea. It really instills a feeling of Faith In Government kind of thing.)
Some days I feel like having a second child, being a family of 4, having another small one to snuggle....all of those things is just so close that I get nauseous and shaky with anticipation.
Some days I feel like I am slowing struggling up the side of a mountain and that we will never get to the top.
I still have so much to do with the paper work. I have to start the rounds of Notarization, Certification and Authentication. As well as organize our papers for Immigration. I was also pursuing Evelyn's passport and I thought that was all taken care of and then "WHAM!"- I get a letter asking for her Certificate of Citizenship-which was sent along with her passport stuff-which means that somewhere between here and New Orleans her CofC has been lost - so I am following up on THAT. I am also still chasing my Ohio Nursing License and need to find a job.
Ironically, I have NOT been frantically working away like a busy little bee. I have been slacking. I have gone into my typical stress mode which is called "avoidance" to the rest of the world. I really need to stop being a baby and just jump on the bandwagon and I will.
I remember that I had a period like this with The Bean's adoption. I just shut down for a bit. You want the baby, you need the baby but the process of obtaining the baby just drains you until there is nothing left for awhile. It's a combination of stressor avoidance and also a certain amount of grieving.
YES!!!! I KNOW!!!!! Grieving?!?!?!?! What the hell?!?!?! BUT you do. You KNOW that everything is about to get all topsy turvy. You know that you want it to. It's just that well, it's going to change. So you think "here is the end of this part of my life". I know that what follows is better. I know that what follows is miraculous. It's just that it is new and different. And I REALLY can not wait for it to happen. Does any of that make ANY sense? To anyone?!?!?
Welcome to my crazy train.
I can spend entire days in the "near" phase OR seconds. The same goes with the "far" phase. You just karoom between the two extremes and hope to God in Heaven that some dufus doesn't loose any of your paperwork.
(But they do. In two adoptions I have had some government official-y place loose something-each time so far. That helps with the stress and the hand wringing and the roiling nausea. It really instills a feeling of Faith In Government kind of thing.)
Then There Was A Gymnastics "Show"
The Bean has been in Gymnastics now for, what? , a few months? On Monday, we had the big, end of the "semester" ...ummm...."Show". Yes, I am being a bit sarcastic about the show because it was a bit of organized chaos. I was very proud of Bean. She did awesome! There were two hitches though. One: they never had the entire group practice together so she was a bit put off by ALL of the kids and chaos that was there, she expected it to be a bit more like her classes are, I tried to prepare her but sometimes they just have to see for themselves. Then there was the skipping.
Two: My child can not skip. Period. She tries and it just looks like weird walking. So she grabbed her teacher's hand for that part. That's about it.
The place was crowded and I was thinking that she really wouldn't do anything out there, especially after she shot me the "I am angry about this situation and I am going to make someone PAY" look while they were all "warming up". However, when her favorite teacher smiled at her and encouraged her, she got right into the little routine and performed like a champ (all except for that damn skipping).
Then she got a medal.
Then flowers from Grandma, Lissa and Brevin.
Then dinner out at Olive Garden.
She has worn that medal every moment of the day since Miss Anita put it around her neck.
I have waited a long time to be a Mommy at one of those "you know you hate them but your kid is so cute and learned so much that you cry anyway" functions. It was pretty cool.
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