Happy Easter 2009

It's Easter. You know what to do.
Eat jellybeans.
Get that plastic grass all over the house.
Stop cat at least 500 times from eating that plastic grass.
Eat chocolate bunnies- starting at the ears.
Eat those marshmallow chicks - but only after they get stale.
Feast.
Dress the kids up and torture them with prolonged photo sessions.
Hide eggs.
Forget one egg until the rotting smell helps you locate it- 3 months from now.
Watch children scramble to find the eggs (all but 1 that is-see above).
Enjoy your family.
Remember that even if it's 30 degrees- it's still Spring.
Proceed. But don't blame me for the weight gain and indigestion.

P.S. I used this picture of Peter Rabbit because around here he is the absolute bee knees right now. Evelyn has discovered Beatrix Potter and loves every story, but especially naughty Peter. She walks around going "kirtsy-choo!" all of the time. I love these stories and I am so glad that they are becoming dear to her. AND she wants chamomile tea- real bad.
If you haven't seen that movie Miss Potter about B. Potter's life- you should, it was quite enjoyable.

Does It Feel Different?

Does it feel different to me to be waiting for this child? Yes and No.
I feel the same heart pounding anxiety to see a face, to have a name, to have an anchor for all of my love and worries. But there is a difference.
This time, there is a bit of sadness. I KNOW that we will all be okay. I KNOW that love grows to encompass all. I KNOW that Bean will be better off with a sibling. BUT a part of me gets a little sad when I think of how her life will really change. There will be the sharing of the parents- something completely foreign to her. There is also the fact that the Youngest will not have that intense 1 child, two parents sort of attention that Bean has had for 4 years. It passes quickly though to be replaced by imagined afternoons at the park. The knowledge that they will have each other. Knowing how very lucky I am to be able to have TWO children. My God there was a time in my life when I thought that I would never, ever have one child and now? Now I get to have two?!?! What have I done to be so lucky?
I have also done this before. You know how they say "ignorance is bliss"? I believe that applies to International Adoption. In my mind I know that when I hear a wail in the night, this time I will KNOW what it is. I will see the hard things that Ev went through but this time I will not be a Starter and I think I will feel that pain more acutely. I will simply know.
Also, this time we are going Special Needs so I KNOW that I will be getting a baby that will be.......I am trying to say this without sounding , I don't know...... I just know that Youngest will have immediate and apparent medical needs. I pray every night that I will be able to provide the exact care and love that she will need while we are in China, so far from everything we know. That she won't have waited her entire life for a Mother that fails her even before she sets foot in her HOME.
This is all academics anyway.
My heart? That feels the same. Exactly.
Like I have taken a deep breath in, and will not be able to let it out until my arms circle around the newest Love. My second child.
I am waiting.
I am waiting.

I think of those I know who have been waiting for almost as long as I have had Ev and I feel a bit like a cheater or a wimp or that I have no right to be in that Waiting Mama Club. The truth is, you can't help it. As soon as your heart opens and you make room for that child in your mind and heart- 20 seconds is too long. It's too long.
We are all waiting.
The Mothers.
The Fathers.
The Sisters and Brothers.
The Babies.

A View Into My Head

I was driving down the road today, returning home from having the Pediatrician flush a field of potatoes outta Bean's ears. I was flipping through radio stations and had to FINALLY settle on the ending strains of that John Mayer song "Your Body is a Wonderland". Hoo-kay folks. I can't stand that dude. I never could, I never will. I hate every song that he has subjected the public to. This got me to thinking about how you can match first impressions up with musical tastes and then you will definitively know about a person.
Example: I started a new nursing job in New York along with another nurse- S. S seemed pretty cool but a little off. Then I heard her going on and on about this Mayer a-hole and I was all like "oh I better watch out for this one". Sure enough she ended up being a Dilaudid junkie and stealing from the Narc lock up- and did this on her off-going, MY on-coming shift and if I hadn't been on my game I would have been the one to take the fall for the missing junk.
See what I'm saying? You never can tell. But you can if you just take into account musical interests.
I am not saying that anyone who likes Mayer is a junkie. I am just saying that you can tell alot about a person by the music they love. Also if all other things are cool, you can overlook- say the fact that a person likes Rush. I do that everyday with my husband.
See how tolerant I am?

5 Minutes

Here are a few of the expressions that The Bean can put on in a five minute period. This first is an actual pout because she told me "only one picture" and I told her that I was the Mama and I said how many pictures. This is also the face that she wore all morning before Gymnastics as she was trying out a power thing and kept stating that she didn't want to go.

This is mid-giggle as we were talking about Boogers.
Is this not the cutest profile in the world? I LOVE that tiny nose.
Just sweetness, this is the look she wears when she is trying to convince me that she really needs some Jelly Beans or something like that.
Ornery. This one is just her ornery face.


This is a full belly laugh. I am not going to tell you what I had to do to get this one.


Making fun plans. Here she was plotting where she was going to hide and jump out at her Papa when he comes home today.

Her most "worn" look, this is just her in conversation. oh yeah. She went to Gymnastics and was very glad that she did. She never could tell me WHY she was saying that she didn't want to go. It was a tough morning for me, riding that line between "listening" to your kid and realizing that she is being a poop. I finally realized that she heard me on the phone last night, talking about how much she loved it and I thought "hum, she is just attempting to control things." Because you know what? She really gets uncomfortable when people know that she likes something, that something then will be the last thing that she wants. I din't yell or anything, I just talked with her a bit and then made the call and said "well, you are going." She went into her room and closed the door. When I didn't respond to that, she came to me and told me that she would be in the computer room "thinking about things , like how her Mama always tells her what to do" I said "hey that's a good idea. It's always good to think things over" She left in a huff. BUT by the time we needed to leave, she was her old self again.
HA!
Battle Score
Mama: 1 Bean: 5,645 (hey, I'm learning!)

What's with that Red Thread? And the Ladybugs?

Families adopting from China have grabbed this Chinese Legend/Saying/Belief. We have done so because the imagery is beautiful and that thought is especially comforting to a waiting and wondering heart. It is quite common for Waiting Mama's to wear Red Thread Bracelets (mine has been on for about two weeks now and will not come off until I meet my youngest child in China). You need all of the help you can get some days when you are waiting and worrying and wondering.


The Ladybug is a good luck symbol in China. This was enough to make them a popular theme for adopting families. Then one year there was some sort of hold up on a whole batch of referrals, I can't remember why. Then one day a few of the waiting families had these massive Ladybug invasions and they jokingly said , I think, "hey ladybugs are good luck, what if this means our referrals are coming?" The next day, referrals came. That's why adoptive families- particularly the ones waiting to go to China- get all worked up about the ladybugs. Now I may have this story wrong, it may be an Urban Legend among us. Who knows. They are cute and make a good a symbol as anything else. Some people do find this theme offensive and objectifying though. I am not a total lady bug crazed person myself, but they always catch my eye.

Bullets

• It is Spring in Ohio. I know this because of the racking pain in my head from my Sinuses. This is not fun. I would love to go on and on about the pain and nausea- really I would. But in the end it doesn't make it go away. Also, if you are a fellow Sinus Sufferer , you get it- if you're not, you don't- and never will.
• After reading about them on another blog- I tried a Neti Pot. You know where you make a salt solution in a tea pot looking thing and then "flush" your sinuses. I can sum that experience up in one word- interesting. It was so interesting that I have yet to repeat the performance even though it gave me a small measure of relief.
• We played at the park for 3 hours the other day. We ended up staying so long because there was another Chinese girl there and she and Ev were like magnets. They found each other immediately, and stayed connected all day. I talked the afternoon away with the other little girl's Mama, she has been in this country for 5 years.
• I am still trying to sort out some of the things I felt that day at the park. The other little girl, S we will call her, was a full year younger than Ev and weighed about 12 pounds more and was taller. My emotions were all over the place, some good , some sad. It will take me awhile to sort things out.
• S has a sister, C. C is 16 months old and she was so much like Ev at that age it was amusing. C wanted to play with me really bad. But she wouldn't let herself. She would do that "turning to stone" face that Ev used to do and shut down. It was quite cute and funny and I now know why the child given to me acts like that sometimes- because I respect it and understand it. I mean Ev ran her Grandpa thru the mill- for WEEKS before she would freely interact with him.
• "ABBSALENTLY" , that's one of Ev's new words. I believe that is is an amalgam of the words absolutely and accidentally. That's just the way she uses it too. For either meaning.
• "NEVER" for some reason this one is now a favorite word too. For example "Billy never, never chew my paper again" or " when I ask her if she wants , say a pancake, she will answer "never" when in fact she will want said pancake in t-minus 45 seconds.
• Trying to find a digital watch that fits the smallest 4 year old wrist in the history of man in nearly impossible.
• I have eaten all but one of the Reese Cup Eggs that I bought for the Easter Basket. And the jelly beans are nearly decimated too, but I had help with those.
• I have fully accepted the yoke of paperwork for my youngest. I now just sigh and start filling the blanks with black ink. See? It didn't take that long to break me.
• The repeat Fire Inspection is Wed. - while I am at class. This was not a coincidence. I honestly don't want to beat the crap out of a Fireman. So Leslie can handle them this time.
• My Dad's knee surgery is Thursday. Hang on Dad!!!! At least it's not another abdominal surgery!! That's something. Plus Bean will be there to guide you safely back to recovery.

Why?

Why can't they stay like this forever? Or at least long enough that is doesn't feel like they are growing at the speed of light? Why can't I keep her with me forever?