Referral Pictures Side by Side

Is it me, or are these a couple of cute kids?

How to be a Hero

It's simple really. You just say, "Let's go to the park". That's it. Well, fries and frosties from a fast food joint afterwards helps.

75%

In case anyone is wondering, this is how I spend 75% of my days. Listening to the many and varied things that Evelyn has on her mind. Wonderful little girl.
Here she is explaining the rules of chess to me, in particular how The Queen moves and the rules about her.
If I am not looking at Ev when she is talking it's because I am cooking or driving or I am behind a closed bathroom door.
I can not imagine any other thing in life that I would rather do than hear what she has to say.


So, it's about 40  minutes later and I and I want to add some things to this post.
It's true. I do want to hear what she has to say. It's also true that she has quite alot to say. And sometimes? What I need is quiet. So there is that.
Some days I think that I might just go stark raving mad because there is honestly no break. No silence- none. She talks while eating, while bathing, while playing , while beading, while coloring, while doing school work. She has quite a load on her mind, the way the world works, how car repairs go, how will the trip to China go, where will Liam sit for dinner, every potential eventuality of our entire lives is her domain. I have seen her have to literally put her hand over her mouth and keep it there when I ask for 5 minutes of quiet- no she HAS to keep her hand there for the entire time or she will start in jabbering again. It is a physical/psychological thing going on. 
Some days I am very patient and then some days I am not. 
Some days at the end of the day I sigh and say, "wow, I did good". Some days all I can do is try and do better the next day. 
I know this is a recurring theme here. I get on and type away about how she talks, but honestly, I can assure you that you have never encountered a child that talks like this. My Mom, yes even Grandma will back me up on this. Incessant does not even begin to cover it.
I hardly ever go on Auto Pilot Response. You just can't do that with her for one thing, and for another she is so earnest and intelligent that a full, thought out response is required. I try to give her at least 10 minutes a day when I stop what I am doing and give her a free range chatter. I also am working on helping her learn how to internalize some of her dialog. I am also trying to stop the explanations about things that Les and I are supposed to take care of, I have started telling her " this is Mama's job so just let me take care of things and you can watch but pay attention and I bet all of your questions will be answered" - this seems to help and it seems to be relieving some stress, both mine and hers.
 I fear that alot of her logistical worries and questions are linked to her early days, that loss of control, and I think that she just NEEDS to know what is going to happen - all the time. I used to be able to do that for her- front load her so to speak. But she is older now and you just can't know what is going to happen all of the time in the real world, so I am trying to let her experience the unknowns in a way that leaves her feeling as safe as she can. I am trying to relegate her more to the role of a child and elevate Les and I to the Sole Caretakers, Decision Makers and Problem Solvers. 
The other issue is that she is so darn intelligent that she notices every single thing that happens. Every little comment we make, she hears and understands. Nothing is below her notice.
Then we have the fact that she is a child that really does not like being a child. She sees nothing about being a kid that is to her benefit. She understands enough about the world to understand that she doesn't understand it all- does that make sense? And she wants to understand it all, so she asks about everything. Her latest thing is to imagine a scenario, say the truck breaking down on the highway and then come up with not one but two plans that would solve that issue and get us all home safe. I have to hear these and then comment and tell her why or why not these would work, sometimes while I am humm humm in the bathroom with the door closed.
There it is. Some days I'm good, some days I'm great and some days I'm shit. But I try to be the best I can for this amazing and dynamic girl.
And that is the full, unblemished truth.

Boys are from Mars: Girls are from Venus

A conversation that I overheard yesterday in my truck as I was driving around a 10 yr old boy and two girls ages 5 and 8, really brought home the fundamental differences in male and female.
It went like this;
Aden: climbs into the truck and while still wrangling his backpack into position, proceeds to have a lengthy discourse on either Sonic the Hedgehog or Clone Wars or Back to the Future ( we really never know for sure what he's talking about but we make the appropriate noises and he seems satisfied)
------An aside: maybe that last bit in parenthesis should have been enough to clue me in on this big epiphany I had but well, I can be slow-------


Umm so okay, he takes a breath and the girls start in talking with each other.
Kate: Oh Evelyn I really like your shirt!
Ev: I was just going to tell you the same thing!
Kate: Oh my do you think our shirts are warm enough to wear outside or do we need jackets?
Ev: I don't know we can alaways HAVE the jackets and then wear them if we get cold.
Kate: That's a good idea, we'll do that. Oh I just noticed your shamrock on your shirt, that's so pretty, that light green on the pink like that.
Ev: Thanks, Katie I.......
Aden (interrupts): OH. MY. GOSH!!!!!! Are you REALLY talking about shirts? What a silly topic!!! SHEESH!  " So then Michael J. Fox goes........

I nearly crashed the truck because I was unable to breathe while laughing so hard. The thing that was funny to me and I guess why it struck me so profoundly was that it was ALL genuine. He really thought that their topic was stupid but, they were genuinely engaged. It must be that undisguised way that kids have about them that let me see it like I did.
Men there. Women here. Not bad at all- just different.

Then and Now

Five Year Referral

Happy St. Patrick's Day!


This is always a fun day for us. A little Erin Go Bragh, a few memories, and hopefully some beer later on (just one for me thanks).


Five Years ago on this day I got a very important call. It was Ev's referral call. I had worked all night and came home early because I suspected that the callers would think the AK stood for Arkansas. See, they start calls on the East Coast and work their way west, and I was in Alaska. I was right my call came at 8:30 am.


I remember that Les had borrowed a cell phone so I could call him at work and he was threatened with his life if he didn't when I called. He didn't ( and thus a long tradition of him not answering his phone at big moments began).
 I remember frantically scribbling down these little tidbits of information about her as my heart pounded and my hands shook.
I remember thinking that my life had just changed.
I remember the chills that ran up and down my back as I heard Fu Mei meant Lucky Plum... months before I had a dream of a  Chinese girl smiling at me and eating a plum.
I remember seeing her face for the first time and falling head over heels in love with her.
I remember the look on Leslie's face as he sat down in a chair, took her photo out of my hands and just looked at her for the longest time.
I remember the way my heart felt. Full and alive and aching.


I knew that I loved her. I bonded with her picture right away. I didn't expect to, as each Mama's reaction can vary. I thought that I would not have strong emotions for her until I held her or even until I had some sort of daily care and interactions with her. I can tell you that I was wrong. Love for Ev sprung into my heart as soon as I heard her name, as soon as I looked at her picture. It was there, like a click, a spring sipping into place, a dark corner finally being lit by sunlight.

I can say that looking back, I know what I felt was just that first rush. My love for her has deepened and grown and entwined itself into every part of me. I KNOW her now. I can see the kind of little person she is and I can say that she in one cool chic and I am honored to share my life with her. I am glad that she is here, selfishly, greedily jubilant- that she is mine.

Parrallels

Today is March 15.
 In two days we will have the 5 year anniversary of Ev's referral.
Today our Dossier for Liam made it to China.
Just two days shy of that anniversary.
Strange that.