Here she is explaining the rules of chess to me, in particular how The Queen moves and the rules about her.
If I am not looking at Ev when she is talking it's because I am cooking or driving or I am behind a closed bathroom door.
I can not imagine any other thing in life that I would rather do than hear what she has to say.
So, it's about 40 minutes later and I and I want to add some things to this post.
It's true. I do want to hear what she has to say. It's also true that she has quite alot to say. And sometimes? What I need is quiet. So there is that.
Some days I think that I might just go stark raving mad because there is honestly no break. No silence- none. She talks while eating, while bathing, while playing , while beading, while coloring, while doing school work. She has quite a load on her mind, the way the world works, how car repairs go, how will the trip to China go, where will Liam sit for dinner, every potential eventuality of our entire lives is her domain. I have seen her have to literally put her hand over her mouth and keep it there when I ask for 5 minutes of quiet- no she HAS to keep her hand there for the entire time or she will start in jabbering again. It is a physical/psychological thing going on.
Some days I am very patient and then some days I am not.
Some days at the end of the day I sigh and say, "wow, I did good". Some days all I can do is try and do better the next day.
I know this is a recurring theme here. I get on and type away about how she talks, but honestly, I can assure you that you have never encountered a child that talks like this. My Mom, yes even Grandma will back me up on this. Incessant does not even begin to cover it.
I hardly ever go on Auto Pilot Response. You just can't do that with her for one thing, and for another she is so earnest and intelligent that a full, thought out response is required. I try to give her at least 10 minutes a day when I stop what I am doing and give her a free range chatter. I also am working on helping her learn how to internalize some of her dialog. I am also trying to stop the explanations about things that Les and I are supposed to take care of, I have started telling her " this is Mama's job so just let me take care of things and you can watch but pay attention and I bet all of your questions will be answered" - this seems to help and it seems to be relieving some stress, both mine and hers.
I fear that alot of her logistical worries and questions are linked to her early days, that loss of control, and I think that she just NEEDS to know what is going to happen - all the time. I used to be able to do that for her- front load her so to speak. But she is older now and you just can't know what is going to happen all of the time in the real world, so I am trying to let her experience the unknowns in a way that leaves her feeling as safe as she can. I am trying to relegate her more to the role of a child and elevate Les and I to the Sole Caretakers, Decision Makers and Problem Solvers.
The other issue is that she is so darn intelligent that she notices every single thing that happens. Every little comment we make, she hears and understands. Nothing is below her notice.
Then we have the fact that she is a child that really does not like being a child. She sees nothing about being a kid that is to her benefit. She understands enough about the world to understand that she doesn't understand it all- does that make sense? And she wants to understand it all, so she asks about everything. Her latest thing is to imagine a scenario, say the truck breaking down on the highway and then come up with not one but two plans that would solve that issue and get us all home safe. I have to hear these and then comment and tell her why or why not these would work, sometimes while I am humm humm in the bathroom with the door closed.
There it is. Some days I'm good, some days I'm great and some days I'm shit. But I try to be the best I can for this amazing and dynamic girl.
And that is the full, unblemished truth.
1 comment:
it's a good truth. my nephew (not adopted) is like this. it never stops, all day. poor kid is having some repercussions in school because of it.
it sounds like you are doing an amazing job helping her.
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