The Big Reveal

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So this is it. We are done with the house (for the most part). It was many long weeks and hours of work. We have basically prepped, cleaned and painted every square inch of wall space. We have ripped out carpet and re-finished floors. I have scrubbed wall paper glue until I wept. I have sanded every wall. We removed a gajillion staples from the floor.  We also primed and painted every inch of trim work. We agonized over paint colors and we agonized over window treatments.

I lived with blankets on the windows at night, for weeks,  because I could not make a decision on the windows. As you see we went with Wood Blinds in Black! EEKK! I was afraid to actually do it but we did and I am glad as I am really pleased with the way they look. They are not too dark at all -unless taht's what we want as we have so many options on the positions and the louvers.  Yes the living room is dark red- we love, love, love it. The entire feel of the house is different, it feels like us now.

The pictures at the end were taken before I had the blinds but I think they show the colors more true- as we see them and live in them.

This is the home Liam will come home to. I hope he is comfortable here.

(These pics are for those viewing at work who can't see the video)

Location, Location, Location

As we have moved through the various stages of Liam's adoption, I have moved certain things around the house.
His sippy cups and dishes.
Months ago I made the first tentative purchases. With those first couple of purchases, it's like you're pretending. It all feels very similar to playing house when you are young. It feels real , and it seems real but oh so far off.
I researched cleft affected kids and what kind of cups they need and then I set out to find them. Not in one day or even in one month but here and there. I would buy a cup, bring it home and test it and then stash it away up in his closet.
Then we got our Pre-Approval and I gathered them up and moved them into a hall closet upstairs.
Then we got our LOA and I moved them into a cupboard in the kitchen along with some cute monster and robot dishes.
Now that we have our TA and I have purchased tickets, I am in the process of re-arranging the entire kitchen to make room out on an open and prominent, easy access shelf right there...in the open....in the kitchen.
Because I am now certain that he is coming home and he will need those cups. And I will be the one getting them for him and filling them with juice and washing them.
It seems that Liam is coming home.
The sippy cups prove it.

Sticker Shock

Well we are well and truly China Bound. For the adoptive parents the plane tickets and associated costs are kind of like the "Gimme an epidural you pig!!!!" kind of moment. That moment when the price of your decisions come crashing in. This time around we were quite stunned to learn that our given estimates for the cost of the flight was off- by ALOT. Ah well, it's only money. I had my official "Freak Out Over the Cost of the Tickets" and that's out of the way. I think that the next freak out on the schedule is "Les is a Monster and Refuses To Let Me Pack The Kitchen Sink So He Must Be EVIL And He Is My Mortal Enemy And I will Throw Something At Him Then Call My Sister So She Can Agree That He Is A Bastard"- but that probably won't happen until say like....umm... the 20th or so probably at 1 am.

I should have spent today packing and cleaning and making lists. That's what any sane woman would do.
But not I.
Nope. Ev and I packed up and headed out. We fueled up with a gigantic Coke Slushy and went to the pool. And we swam for three hours.
I figure that eventually I will start pulling things together for real but for today she and I wanted to be together in the sun thinking of nothing but right now and how good that slushy is.

Also no one had any Anger Juice in their heart thermos today so - everybody wins!

What's In Your Thermos?

Ev got mad at us yesterday. Both parents, it seems treated her with indignity (in her mind) and it made her mad. MAD.
The problem is that she tried to keep it all bottled up.
This is why last night at 10:30 pm , instead of sitting with a snack and watching a movie with my husband, I was playing Dr. Phil to a very, singularly put out 6 year old.
I was glad to so this really because she is so stoic and truly needs help dragging her emotions out and talking about them.
During this talk she laid out what I think is the best verbal description of anger that I have ever heard.
E: I have a big temper Mama.
M: I know kiddo. That's ok. I have one too.
E: I was really mad at you Mama and I wanted to yell at you.
M: Why didn't you?
E: I don't know.
Papa: Are you still mad?
E: Yes.
M: Do you want to get rid of your mad?
E: Not yet. It's right there in the middle of my heart.
M: In the middle of your heart?
E: Yes my thermos is full!
P: Your thermos?
E: Yes. I have a thermos inside and sometimes it's empty but sometimes I get mad and my thermos gets filled up.
P: What does your thermos get full of?
E: Juice. Mad Juice that's HOT.
P: So your thermos gets full of hot anger juice?
E: Yes and when it full, even when the air conditioner is on and it's cold in the room, you feel hot.


There you have it.
Hot anger juice in a heart thermos.

Tuesday July 6 at 5:51 pm

That was the exact time I checked e-mails and saw that there was one from our agency.
E-mail that is.
TA that is!!!
Yes, folks we have TA!!! We are now t-minus 14 days until departure. 16 days until I get to hold Liam, that sweet chubby cheeked little guy, for the first time.
I am weirdly calm. Les is weirdly calm.
My Mom and my sister though did enough shouting and crying for everyone involved.
And now we pack. And now we clean. And now we really and truly begin to fret over shoes for the little guy. And it's all appropriate. It's time.
Will he hate us? Will he eat and drink for us? Will he poo poo for us? Will he be wild and crazy or cool and calm? Will he like to have his feet tickled or will he hate that, like Ev did/does?

For those of you out there keeping track, I'll break it down for you.
From our start to TA it has been 16 months.
From referral to TA it has been 7 months and 1 day.
Our DTC was actually AFTER the referral at almost 12 months exactly from our start.
From referral to LOA was 121 days ( 4 months and 2 days).
From LOA to Article 5 was 49 days.
From LOA to Ta was 64 days.
We have about 14 days notice for travel.
( Also for anyone out there interested, we are CCAI Group 1609)

We will have more concrete plans in a few days. Also, hopefully some updated measurements so I can stop worrying over shoes!

Becoming JieJie

Honestly, I am not sure if every 5 or 6 year old who is about to get a sibling reacts in the way that my daughter has. To me, it is astounding and wonderful and the way she handles it, makes her wise beyond her years. But seeing that I am her Mama and completely infatuated with her and happen to think she is the coolest thing since humans learned how to use tools....I may be willing to concede that this whole process for her is just- normal. She is average. But until someone says otherwise I will go on believing that she is wise, tender hearted and more mature than can be expected.
I do think that there is an aspect of Ev processing her own past and that does add another dimension to this thing for her. I can watch her study the updates that we get from China and the emotions I see flowing through her, are I think, for both herself and her brother. 
In the most recent update we received, she got mad. I mean MAD. When she could talk and tell me what the issue was, it seems that she was seriously angry about the state of her brother's clothes! Now I ask you what 5 year old would even notice shabby clothes on a picture of another child? Let alone be MAD about what that signifies? Here is what she said about it " Why is he wearing that shirt?! It's not nice! It's for girls I think. WHY? I don't want my brother wearing dirty things that look like that. They should just let us go and get him and bring him home so we can dress him nice and love him and be his family!!!"
And please believe me when I say that she DOES NOT hear ANYONE talk like that about the state of his clothes or the type of care he is receiving. I have to believe that he is being well cared for, (and I try to convey this to Ev)- as well as any child can be cared for in an Institution anyway- but we all know this does not mean that he is in a home-like environment. We can all make a guess I think at what his life is like these last weeks waiting for us.
 I feel that somewhere in her body Ev remembers that life. I also think that it speaks highly of her that she has never once voiced anger or concern over herself or her past- that's all reserved for Liam. ( We do talk with her about her own memories and feelings but her initial reactions are always with Liam first )


I am also very careful about how much I talk about Liam to her. I do not want her remembering this time in her life and think " Mama only worried about Liam"  So, while we do incorporate our feelings about him and waiting for him in our daily lives - I am particularly careful about how much of this she hears. Trust me, I could go on and on and on and on about how badly I want him home. Despite my deliberate and purposeful ways, Ev will bring Liam up and talk about him and worry over him time and time again, all day, every day. No trip to the park is left without talking about how she will have me put Liam in THIS swing and how she will push him. No trip to Costco without talking about how he will one day be right there in the seat next to her. Not one bedtime passes that we don't have to talk about Liam at snuggle time.
I knew that adoptive parents bonded with the picture of their children. I always thought that kids of a certain age just sort of went along and didn't really get it. Not this girl, she is truly in love with her brother.


And no, I am not silly enough to believe that we will have all sunshine and happiness when we bring him home. I am sure there will be tough days, but I also know that this JieJie truly loves her DiDi and I think that will take us all a long way.

I think this picture sums up my little JieJie. It's "paperwork" she has done for her brother. It is addressed to our agency and says " I hope that my brother is doing well". Her words, her feelings.

Headache

I am seriously behind on most things in my life, including and especially things on the computer, like blogging and reading blogs and e-mailing.
I am having a headache from hell.
My Doc did not want to admit migraines because I have SUCH a history with sinusitis and the like.
So after having a CT that was negative, I think he is being forced to admit that I was right.
Migraines it is.
I will be seeing a Neurologist (hopefully soon) and I am off to pick up a more hefty rx for the pain that I am enduring right now. Because my headache is laughing at the first med the Doc gave me.
This is day 6 of pain.
I will not go into the details.
Lets just say that I am really and truly about the sickest that I have ever been.
This really needs to be resolved before China calls.
So please forgive the lack of updates and coms- I will be back as soon as I can.