Becoming JieJie

Honestly, I am not sure if every 5 or 6 year old who is about to get a sibling reacts in the way that my daughter has. To me, it is astounding and wonderful and the way she handles it, makes her wise beyond her years. But seeing that I am her Mama and completely infatuated with her and happen to think she is the coolest thing since humans learned how to use tools....I may be willing to concede that this whole process for her is just- normal. She is average. But until someone says otherwise I will go on believing that she is wise, tender hearted and more mature than can be expected.
I do think that there is an aspect of Ev processing her own past and that does add another dimension to this thing for her. I can watch her study the updates that we get from China and the emotions I see flowing through her, are I think, for both herself and her brother. 
In the most recent update we received, she got mad. I mean MAD. When she could talk and tell me what the issue was, it seems that she was seriously angry about the state of her brother's clothes! Now I ask you what 5 year old would even notice shabby clothes on a picture of another child? Let alone be MAD about what that signifies? Here is what she said about it " Why is he wearing that shirt?! It's not nice! It's for girls I think. WHY? I don't want my brother wearing dirty things that look like that. They should just let us go and get him and bring him home so we can dress him nice and love him and be his family!!!"
And please believe me when I say that she DOES NOT hear ANYONE talk like that about the state of his clothes or the type of care he is receiving. I have to believe that he is being well cared for, (and I try to convey this to Ev)- as well as any child can be cared for in an Institution anyway- but we all know this does not mean that he is in a home-like environment. We can all make a guess I think at what his life is like these last weeks waiting for us.
 I feel that somewhere in her body Ev remembers that life. I also think that it speaks highly of her that she has never once voiced anger or concern over herself or her past- that's all reserved for Liam. ( We do talk with her about her own memories and feelings but her initial reactions are always with Liam first )


I am also very careful about how much I talk about Liam to her. I do not want her remembering this time in her life and think " Mama only worried about Liam"  So, while we do incorporate our feelings about him and waiting for him in our daily lives - I am particularly careful about how much of this she hears. Trust me, I could go on and on and on and on about how badly I want him home. Despite my deliberate and purposeful ways, Ev will bring Liam up and talk about him and worry over him time and time again, all day, every day. No trip to the park is left without talking about how she will have me put Liam in THIS swing and how she will push him. No trip to Costco without talking about how he will one day be right there in the seat next to her. Not one bedtime passes that we don't have to talk about Liam at snuggle time.
I knew that adoptive parents bonded with the picture of their children. I always thought that kids of a certain age just sort of went along and didn't really get it. Not this girl, she is truly in love with her brother.


And no, I am not silly enough to believe that we will have all sunshine and happiness when we bring him home. I am sure there will be tough days, but I also know that this JieJie truly loves her DiDi and I think that will take us all a long way.

I think this picture sums up my little JieJie. It's "paperwork" she has done for her brother. It is addressed to our agency and says " I hope that my brother is doing well". Her words, her feelings.