Backyard Hooligans

We spent all day out back today. Raking leaves and acorns, discussing various fairy behaviors, digging in dirt, riding bikes, eating chalk (guess who), chatting with the neighbors, pushing trucks, playing water carrier and various other activities. It was a nice day, topped off with some hot chocolate.

Deep

Ev has always been the kind of kid that's easy to underestimate. She has that diminutive body, that perfect face and this talk, talkitty , talk kind of personality. You can't call her bubbly, because she has a factory default setting of "stubborn to the nth degree" and really, the things she talks about aren't really shallow. It's just that there's all of this chatter and attention to outward details.
I am her mother and I kind of forget how deep she really is.
Then you have the way she watches movies, very Asberger's in fact. She will get caught up on the detail of a doorframe or something and ask incessantly about it while the movie is rolling along and you think she's missing everything. Except she isn't. You are because you have to answer her, but SHE isn't missing a thing.
Here is what I mean:
Star Wars.
She has watched this about 10 times. And each time we have lots of questions about Leia's hair, the guns, Chewbacca, things like that.
Then one day she and I were talking and I was saying something about selfishness. Not directed to her but I can't remember why we were talking about this, it was, more than likely prompted by her. So then she says, " Oh yeah! Like Luke"
 I say, " Yes. Wait. What?"
And then she says, " Oh you know like in Star Wars how Luke thinks only about himself at first but then he changes and gets better and not so annoying"
And with my jaw on the floor, I say, "Yes, exactly like that"

See what I mean? I didn't process that particular aspect to the story until I was old enough to read Joseph Campbell. cough cough

Then we watched a League of Their Own.
Two weeks later I lost my temper and yelled at her.
Thirty seconds after that I apologized. The she says "oh that's ok Mama I love you even though you are a yelling Mama. It's ok. I see that you are trying. Just like that man in the girl's baseball movie. Like how he was just trying to make himself better because he didn't like himself much. I see you sometimes do that kind of thing like,  (here's where she does this perfect Tom Hanks vibrating and talking through gritted teeth to maintain control impersonation).
I just looked at her, stunned.
I am telling you, had you watched that movie with her and listened to her questions and seen her fidgeting, you would have NEVER in a million years thought that she had grasped such a complex thing.

That's my girl.
Deep as they come.

One Down

Well as we are having difficulty getting the schedules of three surgeons lined up (what like they are busy or something?), we are going ahead with one of  the procedures.
Sept 30th is the date set for Liam's tubes. The ENT doesn't want him to head into the colder weather with the fluid on his ears so, there it is.
Suddenly it's all becoming real.

Strangely, I am not freaking out.

Baseball

On Friday night we took the kids to an Indians game- I love night games.
It was Liam's first baseball game and his first real big outing. He loved it.
I can't say that he cared so much for the small things moving in a big green field but , he was nutso over the seats, the rain, the snacks and all of the people milling about.
Ev was in heaven and is finally starting to grasp some of the rules and strategies.It was a much needed fun night out.

And yes, that is Liam wearing a girl's ladybug raincoat. I am aware that I might have to apologize often for that as he grows up. What could I do? Last minute tickets, last minute rain, only one possible raincoat option. 

Sorry kid. We'll make you REAL macho by instilling a love of Sci-fi and Science.

I Went and Did It

I have fallen completely, hopelessly, head over heels in love with my son.

Some small but profound shift in things happened some time this week, seemingly in between breaths. One minute we were all still struggling, and in the next, things were easier.

It is difficult to put into words. 

I was here, doing my thing and wondering about attachment and bonding - on all sides. And then I noticed, that I wasn't wondering about it constantly anymore. That suddenly we were just doing the things we do, and having fun and seeing the stress wash away.

Today I feel more optimistic and happy about our futures together. I can see the pieces starting to fall into place. I see him trying, I feel Les trying harder to get it right, I see myself taking more time to get it right. I see Ev being Ev.

It's all good.

Better than last week, not as good as it will be next week. 

It's called progress.

I like progress.

I Was Going to Talk About the Baseball Game

We went out to an Indians game last night. I was going to talk about that and the fun we had even though it was raining off and on a bit.
But let's not.
Let's talk instead about my daughter. The daughter that is so gosh darn stubborn that she makes me want to yank my hair out, re-grow it and yank it out again.
And let's mention that I do love homeschooling but oh my goodness. She can really make me doubt our decision to do it some days.

So we have been working on poem memorization and recital. I know! For a first grader?!?!! Well, this is the part that I am most skeptical and head scratchy about.... but when I read our manual, I get it. It's just the real life practice of it makes me cringe. Mostly because I knew, KNEW it would not go easy with Miss I Ain't Gonna Do Nuthin' You Want.
On Monday we told her about it. Pick a poem, practice it, learn it, then on Friday you can tell it al to us. Oh LORD! You would have thought that we wanted her to eat boiled rat brains. So struggle on Monday
( however, she learned it in about 5 minutes flat).
Some struggle on Tuesday getting her to repeat it. Because she could and did repeat it to me ad nauseum right up until I had the unmitigated gall to request that she do it for her school time.
Wednesday and Thursday- no big issue, she would recite it at will( about 752 times a day).

Today? Well? Today was a horse of a different color. I am here with her and Liam, Les is on Duty. Everyone is tired from being out late at the game. We got right up to the part about having to stand up and recite the poem.
Then all hell broke loose.
" First grade is stupid."  "I do not want to do this " " I am not going to do this" " You can't make me do this" "I will do it if you look away and I can sit down" " Why are you calling Papa?"
All in a whiney and petulant tone that sends my self control right out of the window. But I maintained. I did. I didn't loose it. I just had her stand there and I waited until she was ready to do what I had asked her to do. I did have to call Les for re-inforcement (both so she could see that he and I were on the same page and so that hearing his voice would help me not turn into MonsterMom).
She flatly refused to do it for him as well.
Two hours.
Two hours it took for us to crack that stubborn hide a bit. She never really did it without the whiney tone but hey, I'll take a partial victory.

And what was this horrible awful hellish poem?
Well, she picked it first of all.
And this is what all of the fuss was about:

Fee Fi Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman.
Be he alive or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

Four lines.
Four lines that she could recite back in about 2 read throughs.

It's funny really. The ends she will go to in order to torture us all.
Grinding bones indeed.

Pedicure in the Style of Pollock

We were talking about college with Ev the other day. Well....she was asking questions and we were answering them, that's how you converse with my girl. She listened to all of the answers and then she said "O man I can not wait for College!"
Then Les asked her what she wanted to learn about in college. Her answer floored me! I expected, things like; to be a Doctor, or  something Math-y. What she said was,  "I want to go to learn how to paint like Jackson Pollock"
Yes, she did.
I was never so happy in all my days. ( I  love Pollock's work and was tearful with hapiness when Ev stood in front of one of his paintings, silent and enthralled for about 15 minutes)
You see, I have this fear that she will be a doctor. And no, I do not want that life for my daughter. There, I said it.
So when she mentioned art, I was all over it. Quietly you see. Quiet as a church mouse about my joy. Let's face it, she is so contrary that had I showed my enthusiasm, she would have veered right off the path.
Yesterday, I set her up all Pollock like in the driveway.
But first we watched some You Tube videos of him painting and we talked about his process. I love that literal girl. She sat there, happy for what we were about to do, but worried about all of the rule breaking. What if she got it wrong?
You can not get it wrong I said. Whatever is in you is always right, just have fun and get it out.
Well, let me plan out my piece, she said.
I replied , NO! Look at him paint, he's not thinking he's feeling! watch! There is no time to think, just to paint.
I might get messy.
You better get messy I told her.
But....?
Nope. Let's go. Let's do it.
And she did.
With gusto!
And she didn't think. And everything was exactly right. And she made a colossal mess.
And she didn't have to share it. We kept Rah Rah out of the way and let her go at it.
I swear at one point she was splashing red paint and stomping her foot when the paint hit and she had her face all screwed up.... it was wonderful. She would tilt her head and splash! plop! drip! drizzle!

I am not kidding, afterwards, she was relaxed and glowing.