That Kind of Person

Let me tell you a story about my Mom.
Once when I was in elementary school, I can not remember what grade exactly but it must have been third or fourth, and we had a field trip. My Mom volunteered to be a parent escort, and this was a huge thing because my Mom is shy, well, she was much more shy back then.
The trip was to a local "period farm"- you know the kind; candle dipping, costumes and the like.
Now we had a little girl in our class and she was bullied. Bullied I tell you. A total outcast. A person of social danger. I have no idea why, in my memory she doesn't stand out in any particular way. She was just the target. While I never took part in any of the bullying, I never stood up for her either. I never tried to be her friend, I was too afraid.
On this field trip, this rare display of my Mom coming out of her shell, she SAW this girl.  And she left my side to be with her. My Mom let me go off and play with my friends and SHE walked and talked with the Danger Girl. I remember someone asking me why my Mom was talking to HER and I didn't know, but right then I wanted it to stop.
I walked up to my Mom and asked her why she was talking to THAT girl, I remember the little girl just turned and walked away. My Mom looked down at me and very gently said, "because she needs a friend". I stood there and realized that my Mom was right and I said, "Yes, nobody plays with her and they are mean to her".
My Mom told me that she knew this, and then she talked to me about being nice, about not letting other people tell you what to do and how to act. My Mom stood there in the bright autumn sunshine and told me things about her school experiences and how much they hurt. My Mom laid her heart open to me, giving me the chance to step up and be better than I was.
I listened and then I ran off to be with my friends.
My Mom never said another word to me. As a matter of fact we have never discussed this, I wonder if she even remembers.
I still have this memory of my Mom walking along beside that girl. I have this memory of the look on her sweet little face. How happy my Mom made her.
While my Mom's lesson didn't take hold on that day, I have never in my life stood aside again and let someone be bullied. It gets me into trouble quite often actually but, every time I try to turn away, I see that little girl and my mom walking together in my mind. I open my mouth and use my God given talent for sass and attitude and I take a stand.
Not as graceful and loving as my mom, but some things do get lost in translation.
My mom is THAT kind of person. The best kind.

In No Particular Order

These are the things on my mind today:

• Insurance issues are huge and can eat up every ounce of you.
• I love my cat. It's weird how much I love this strange animal.
• My daughter is truly the single best person that I have ever known but, she can still drive me ape #%&* in 5 seconds flat if she has the mind to.
• I can not tolerate whining. My son whines. 
• I am trying not to pray for specific things but today I am fervently praying for one very specific thing.
• That thing I am praying for is Liam. I am worried that I see a fistula in his mouth and I just don't want this little boy to have any complication, let alone one that will mean another surgery 9 months down the road. So I am praying for healing and a small palate miracle.
• After palate repair, when you can't brush their teeth, when everything is healing, these kids get some pretty serious dragon breath kicking.
• The bad breath doesn't stop me from kissing him about 600 times a day.
• Adoption may be hard and you may find yourself in a place that you don't like but, time marches on and things begin to fall into place and make sense. You find a new rhythm, you allow for changes, you "become".
• One good day does not mean that you are in the clear. It means that you had a good day. Eventually the good days will begin to outnumber the bad ones.
• I need to cut myself some serious slack and stop expecting perfection and grace when I just need to survive sometimes.
• I do not love my kids unequally, I know one better than I know the other one. 
• After nearly 17 years of marriage I am still hopelessly and madly in love with Leslie. 
• Taking your child to the hospital is a hellish experience and you leave shattered and bruised and sick at your stomach.
• Just because someone's badge says "R.N." it doesn't mean that they know what they are doing.
• The thing you will regret most is not speaking up and fighting for your kid. Not saying "no" when your gut says that you should.
• The sight of two kids running and playing in those soft pj's with feet is the cutest thing in the world.
• I can not even begin to imagine life without Liam here with us. 
• I seriously need to stop buying those Reese PB pumpkins, I eat them for breakfast and lunch and then wonder why I am grumpy around 3 pm. But they are sooooo good.

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service

Today I left for my bi-monthly grocery store marathon. My departure left Papa in charge. Interesting things can happen when Papa's in charge. Like the time he dressed Ev and had her overalls on backwards.
Tonight, apparently they were all playing in the back and almost forgot about Gymnastics and had to jump in the car to hurry and get there. The story has it that about half way to Gymnastics Ev says, "Ummm Papa? We forgot Liam's shoes!"
That's right that boy played out in the back for over an hour with no shoes on and no one noticed. He didn't complain. Les didn't notice. Ev didn't notice. THEN they loaded up into the car and left the premises, all without putting shoes on my son.
That's the sort of thing that happens when Papa runs the show.
I love that man.

Advice from The Aunts

I was watching Dr. Who last night and that got me to thinking about mascara and my five Aunts. What? That's not a logical jump?
Let me 'splain. In the show the female lead has these great 80's flavored lashes, I mean LOTS of mascara. I can't help it, I love, adore mascara.
So then I started thinking about make-up and who taught me to wear it and that opened up a whole pile of childhood memories that rarely see the light of day.
You see my Mom was one of 9 kids. 6 girls and 3 boys. This means that as a child I had many female role models, teachers and disseminators of information. I could pick and chose the parts that I wanted and I can honestly say it was fun and great and oh so interesting.
Aunt Valerie would say, "If you want good black lashes, you put your mascara on and let it dry and then do it again and then a third time for a real good look". My Aunt Tanya would say, "One coat of mascara is enough unless you want to look like a hussy".  Aunt Gina would show me the prettiest shades of shimmery blue and green eye shadow: Valerie and Tanya would roll their eyes and inform me that only "fast girls" wore those shades and I said Aunt Gina wears them and they just looked at me ( I have finally figured out what they were getting at but, to be fair Gina was no "faster" than any of them).  Each Aunt down the line had advice and her way of doing things and each one thought the others were wrong.
It was the same with dancing and clothes, and even music. Five Aunts. Five views expressed.
Gina.
Tanya.
Valerie.
Kim.
Mickey.
I have taken something from each one of them.
I have Val's love of mascara.
I like to dance like Mickey.
I try to live like Tanya.
I learned to love dolls from Kim.
And always, when I want to be sexy and spunky, I think, "What would Gina do?"
You know what? I even have an illicit stash of green and blue eye shadow and I just told Ev, " These are the colors you wear when you want to show the world that you don't particularly care about what they think".
That's it then, what I learned. Just be yourself, it's all the right thing. If you like it and it feels good to you, then it's ok. There is only me to teach this to Ev, well me and my sister. How can the two of us get the job  done? Heck we don't even have 8 track tapes of the Bee Gees or high heeled, brown leather, zip up, knee high boots.

The Upside to Palatoplasty

Let us all ask ourselves, "What is the upside to palatoplasty as viewed by a 2 year old?" Let's be honest there aren't many, but the one thing that I can think of that has given Liam immediate returns is, well, ice cream.
For the first time in his life Liam was able to eat AND enjoy ice cream. He was very diligent about the experience, he sat as patiently as he could, waiting for the next bite of cold, creamy deliciousness to be delivered. He looked like he was at a job as opposed to doing something completely enjoyable. The smile at then end was priceless (sadly I didn't manage to capture that on film).
Say what you want about better speech and all of those long term advantages.
Liam had ice cream and that's good enough for us!

                                     Ev is what you might call a connoisseur of the frozen treats.

And just because he's a handsome devil.....

In the Trenches

Here we are in the middle of recovery. Things are going as well as can be expected.  Liam has hit that phase of feeling better but not quite all better so he defaults to grumpy. That's ok, if my mouth were torn up like his, I would grump too.
So far the hardest part is keeping him fed. A soft/pureed diet means that there can be no "on the fly" meals, I must be prepared. So between the need for preparation and his complete lack of desire for anything that he is allowed to eat, it can be tricky when he gets a rumbly in his tumbly.
The second hardest part is the need for the arm restraints during sleep. He hates them. He is a dynamic sleeper, like his sister, so his restricted ability to thrash leaves him bitter and whiney. I can hear him all night, trying to move then whimpering in frustration, I feel so bad for him. I can't take the chance that he won't mess with his mouth though, what if it itched and in his sleep he reached in and..... nope. Can't trust him, it's not worth it.
That's about where we are.
In other news Ev is home after our longest separation ever. I missed her dearly and I am so relieved to ahve her home but man, did I forget how much she talks!

All's Well That End's Well

I am sitting at the computer desk with the cutest apple dumpling of a boy on my lap. We are home and clunking along. He is not quite himself yet so I am really enjoying lots of cuddle and lap time with him. Ev is still at Smokewood and having a blast and keeping everyone hopping from what I can tell.

What to say about this procedure and experience? The procedure was brutal but necessary. The Doctor was/is pleasant and capable. I am a bit under impressed by "A Premiere Children's Hospital".
Personally this is very difficult. I worked as a nurse for many years,  so I expected to be more tough, more on the ball, more ready. I guess you can't really be professional and tough when it's your own baby laying there with a swollen and bloody face.
Liam is fair to middlin' I would say. He is all soft edges and slow movements and quiet play, I know the Codeine may have something to do with that, and that's ok because I feel that lots of rest and quiet is just what he needs now.  His pain is under very good control with the regular Tylenol in the day time and the Super Tylenol at night.  He doesn't put his hands or anything near his mouth so we are only using the arm restraints at night. He is ok with the soft diet for now but I expect him to get more mad about that as he starts feeling better.

That's it for now as we have some serious cuddling to go do.

 This was just out of the recovery room.

This was the next morning.

This is him this morning.  Note the lovely "stretch marks" at the corners of his mouth: ignore the snot and dried blood.