Goodbye

Friday Evening....

Tonight, as the regular activities of our evening went about, Stella walked through the house and headed down to the basement. I suppose that she was headed to her favorite cool corner to catch a nap on her scratching pad.
She never made it.
After nearly 14 years, Stella has surrendered.

I found her awhile later.
It was rough. Those of you that have seen her in these past couple of years know, she was no longer a pretty cat. She was old and she has been tired for a long time. But she was a good cat right up to the end. A strange little animal, she would follow us around and stay near, but never really a lap cat, she was affectionate in her own way. She loved us though, that was plain because she held on as long as she could just to be with us I think. She was always good for a story about 'Nam or what she called "the Good War", she could cuss like a sailor and she had moxie. Here near the end, we usually had to go looking for her as her health made it necessary for her to sleep alot and stay near a litterbox, but she was always happy to see you and she would squint up at you and purr and lick at your hand.

We have been thinking about putting her down for a few weeks now, we hated seeing her slow and tired. It seemed though that everytime we made that decision, or leaned that way, she would rally and we would find her dashing out the door to go chew grass, or she would hop into my lap for a rare snuggle. Hell, just last night she was chasing a laser light aroung the living room (well, okay, not exactly a chase but it was a faster walk than her normal shuffle). And two days ago she got outside and we had to initiate a Stella Hunt, up and down the street for her, we eventually found her, napping under a big pine tree next door.

So now she's gone. And I am surprised at my grief. I knew she was sick and I knew she was old, I just thought I would have more time to say good-bye.

I am going to sleep tonight with the knowledge that, for once, in many, many months, I won't see Stella's face in the morning. I will have to wake up my little girl and explain why she can't find Stella to say goodmorning to her. I will have to walk my child through the pain that I know she will feel, before I feel ready to do such a thing. I will have to watch that heartache age my girl. I will live my first day without that stinky, sick, strange and wonderful cat.