Luck Of The Draw

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

On May 8, 2005- I sat in the Hong Kong airport listening to a thunderstorm overhead delay my plane to Jiangxi.
I was a mess.
We had about 1 hour before the flights would be delayed (officially) and we would have to wait until the next day to meet our daughter. Now, 24 hours may not seem like that big of a deal, but when you have waited and waited and your heart and mind have been prepared for a certain time, well, anything longer is HELL.
The planes took off- late, but we were on our way.
45 minutes on the plane.
45 minutes on a bus.
Interminable meetings at the hotel.
Then the doors were flung open and I could hear crying and see beautiful babies, just there, in the hall.
I settled in for a long wait as Leslie and I are NEVER among the first for anything.
On this day, we would hear our name called out after only two other families!
"Leslie-Michal Dillon for Yi Fu Mei!" our guide yelled out.
I gasped. Glanced at Leslie. And I put one foot in front of the other until I reached my arms out and finally, finally, pulled my baby to my chest.
She was tiny.
She was beautiful.
She was all. Every good thing.
My daughter.
The hours and days, and yes even weeks, ahead would have their challenges. But they were no matter.
We had her.
She had us.
We were family.

I often think of how absolutely and profoundly lucky we were to be sent HER picture. I think back to that day we sat around our kitchen table in Homer, Alaska and checked the box marked yes, and I know that at that time I had no idea just how special our Match was.
Before I had Evelyn I thought I knew the limits and boundaries of human love. I was wrong. I love her more fiercely and deeply than I ever thought possible. Some days it seems as if my body will be torn apart by the force of my love for her.
We have had four years with this wonderful, tiny, dynamic person in our lives. Four. Some days it seems like just yesterday that I reached out and grabbed her for that first time. Other days, it seems as if she has been with us all along. Sometimes I will be remembering things that happened years ago, trips that Leslie and I took or meals that we ate, and I will think "Wait! Who watched Bean for us?", then I have to laugh because of course I am thinking of something that happened well before we met her. She is such a part of me.
I am in awe of the many things that had to happen to get her to us. I wonder how many mountains God had to move to open up our paths to each other? She is just my daughter. I can not explain it any other way. She may not have entered this world with the help of my body, but she is absolutely mine. I look at her in wonder and awe, there are things about her that could not be more similar to Leslie and I if she were of our same "biology".
I told Evelyn once that as long as there have been babies, their Mama's have known where and how to find them. I sure knew where to find her.
I am glad that I did. More than glad. There aren't really the words to explain my gratitude and wonder at being allowed to have her in my life.
We were at a local Chinese joint two nights ago. Our waitress was Chinese and had some language barriers but she was very curious about Evelyn. She kept exclaiming over her beauty and asking general questions. Eventually she said "How come you get her? You choose?". I didn't even think, I just blurted out "oh no we didn't choose, I never could have made a choice this perfect!" I am sure that the waitress didn't understand me completely. But I knew that Les and Evelyn did. We just smiled at each other, the three of us, and dug into out Hunan Beef.
Tomorrow marks our 4 year anniversary for our Gotcha Day with Evelyn. Four years ago I was a hot mess of nerves and anticipation. After four years I am still trying to get a handle on Motherhood, but I had the love down right at the first second. Four years ago, as I took her tiny body into my arms, my heart beat for the very first time. Four years ago, I came alive with gratitude and wonder at my lot in life. It took awhile for me to grasp the miracle that was Evelyn herself, who she was and how she fit us. I think that everyday reveals some new evidence of the miracle that brought us together and how she was meant for us. Four years ago I was just so happy to have "Baby".
Now I am so happy to have "Her". I know her now. I see her individuality. I am intimately familiar with her moods and quirks. I am not really sure what I ever did to deserve a gift such as Evelyn, but I am glad that I did it, and I am really glad that someone was keeping score.