The Difference A Day Makes

Yesterday, I was cluggin' along doing fine. No worries. Happy as a clam. Then my husband came home from work and he started talking about some things that are going on with another family at the CG Station. It wasn't bad news for that family and I am not sure I want to talk about what upset me so much or why I was so upset. I just was. Sad. I got very sad.
Well, then there is Evelyn. Who noticed I think, and she was luminous, smiling, sitting on my lap, talking quietly to me, telling me I am her best girl in the whole world. Oh how much did that help? I can not explain. I was still a little sad and had not had a chance to really get it out, except in a call with my Mom (how much did she help? ALOT) and lets just say that I had a little more than a single phone calls worth....So later when Ev was asleep, I crept into her room and hugged her sleeping body to me and I cried. I cried grateful tears and tears of joy and then I felt better.
I awoke today thinking that the tender little girl from the day before would be around.
I could not have been more wrong.
I went from clutching her to me in wondrous adoration to, ummm sitting on my hands to keep from shaking the rotten-ness right out of her. In 24 hrs or less.
Gotta love Motherhood.

Stuff

• I went yesterday to have these small lumps of what I think is random scar tissue excised outta my forearms- one lumpy bit on each arm. The big ole tuff nurse that can hold a 4 year old down while she gets like 100 stitches in her face? yeah this chic. Nearly passes out at a simple punch biopsy in her own arm! Nice.
• The Bean has a new joke. It's "smooshed cheeto". That's right just say smooshed cheetos after anything and it becomes uproariously funny. Like fall down and roll on the ground funny. She honestly has no idea why Les and I do no not fall down at this phrase.
• Evelyn told Les that she was "old, so very old". When he looked at her she then said "yeah, you know, like I am so totally five-ish right now. I can not stand it"
• They are having this anniversary showing of The Wizard of Oz in HD, in select theaters across the country on Sept 23. I would like to go but the cost is $10 a ticket and I have recently boycotted theaters due to the high costs.
• I have lost a total of 10 pounds.
• I had a dream last night that I had my two children with me. Ev and a little boy. He was running and playing with Ev and they were laughing and at one point he ran up and I caught him in my arms and swung him around. His name was Dong Fan. I have to look up what Dong Fan may mean.
• That is not the first dream I have had about having two kids with me. In the first one I was cooking and Ev was on a chair at one side and there was another child at my right. I could not remember the child when I awoke, but I do know that we were all talking and being silly.
• Les is back to work after a week off. It blows. The weather is so nice right now, I just want him with us every minute -enjoying life.
• We have to try and decide if we are going to have a fall trip this year. Our choices are stay at home, go to Chicago, or go to North Carolina to Uncle Chris's big Halloween blow out.

Lucy Whoosie

Lucy up there is Ev's new favorite friend. It's a blanket. It's name is Lucy Whoosie and if you think that I did NOT have to wrack my brain to divise a spelling of that name that wasn't inappropriate-think again. This blanket thing has a bear head on it, kind of on the diagonal so a kid can wear it like a bear cape, then it has little bear mitten corner/paws that she can out her hands into, also a little tail on the back. It really is cute and I handed it to her at the store the other day as a joke kind of but she fell in love. It has benn pretty warm weather around here and despite the heat, Ev has been walking around draped in polar fleece.

And It Only Took Her One Summer

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My family never lets me forget that it took me two WHOLE summers to master the art of riding a bike without training wheels. Imagine my pride when it has taken Ev about a week. Leslie has been working with her, he has run about 12 miles up and down our street and has had the patience of a Saint. The end result is a very happy and proud girl that is "totally a big girl now". She is so proud of herself that I think her chest might explode.
I feel the same way.
So does her Papa.

Pride Cometh- or- Why I forgot the tortilla chips

Les this is why you have no tortilla chips to munch on right now:

I got dressed yesterday to go to the grocery store. The outfit chosen was a "regular day going to buy milk" outfit- your basic tank top and some light sport capri's. I was choosing not to mess with my hair but hardly ever go out without make-up on so I sat down to do The Face. In the middle of making up- Billy jumps on my chair, behind me, all silent like then he goes "ppprrrppppttt!!!!" in my ear and scares the religion right outta me- he loves to do that. This means that the very gloppy mascara wand I was holding gets dropped and I get a huge black smudge all down the front of me. Fine.

After I stop shaking from the fright. I go upstairs to change. I then realize why I have been silently berating myself to iron that mountain of clothes on my ironing table- I have nothing else casual to wear. I had to spruce it up a bit.

When I looked at myself in my new black tank top, I realized that my hair would need to be brought up to speed. I did my hair.

I left the house and arrived at the grocery store.

I get almost all of the way done, I have just a few more things to grab, like the specifically requested tortilla chips and some very important salami. But there I am, deep in the store and I realize that I feel good. I mean I AM kind of dressed up and wearing make-up and perfume and my legs are shaved and my hair cam out fabo. I am walking along and thinking about how great I look and WHAM!!!!!! A divine being that will remain un-named brings me back to earth.

Because I tripped.

Over nothing.

In the middle of the store.

Not just an "oh I just stumbled a bit and can cover that up" but an "OH! CRAP! Now I need to take three huge half running steps to re-assert my normal center of gravity kind"of trip. Over nothing. A huge trip, then a whomp whomp whomp to regain bodily control.

But.

Somewhere between the second and third whomp, I had to release the shopping cart because it was hindering my ability to windmill my arms about maniacally. But with the first two whomps and that initial trip, that damned old cart had gained momentum. For a shopping cart: momentum plus freedom equals ......?

Well, if it is anywhere near the bread display, it means that the cart slams into the bread shelves which are obviously the victims of poor QA (quality assurance) because they are flimsy and wobble alot and well, alot of bread flew all over the place. Thankfully it landed mostly in the run away cart, so that was helpful.

A very helpful teenager that had a name tag on so I assume he works there. This kid, I swear his mother still has to remind him to brush his teeth- he kind of shuffles over and sideways asks me if "I like need any help" - like we are at the mall and the cool kids are watching. I refuse to be helped by him but find myself admitting that I really did just trip over nothing. Why did I have to confess that bit of trivia to Teen Wolf? I have no idea, it's one of the great mysteries of me.

So that is why I always go to the grocery looking like I just came off a four day drunk- otherwise I would take the entire place down, one aisle at a time.

Cousins v.s. The World

We attended a family picnic this Labor Day Weekend. It was my Mom's family. She is one of 9 children. Ev and I were 2 in a crowd that was 65 or so strong. Imagine all of those people being here on this planet because of one couple- it boggles the mind. Everyone was family-except for the occasional boy friend or girl friend. These are Aunts and Uncles and Cousins that we see very irregularly- some I haven't seen for 15 years!

So there was this roving hoarde of children there. Lots of children. Evelyn was taken back for sure. Until Brevin arrived- she stayed very close to me or my Grandma or my Aunt Tanya. Once Brevin got there, they stood like this for awhile- watching the crowd, making game plans. I asked Evelyn why they stood like this for so long and she replied "we were watching to see who the nice ones were so we would know who to play with". Smart kids.

Later she told me that every kid was nice except for the one kid who called her Japanese and then tromped over Brev in a water gun fight- she does NOT like that kid. She said, and I quote "I got so mad when he stepped all over my cousin (never mind that technically this kid was her cousin too) I wanted to beat the crap outta him but he was too big so I just shot him a whole bunch of times with my water gun. In the face". I think this is when he called her Japanese because she told her Papa that he said "stop squirting me Japanese girl". So -other than the very mild racial slander, which was more or less simple confusion on the kids part- and let me say that Ev was probably relentless in her Aqua Justice- so it was probably very easy for him to be confused- Ev had a great time.

So did I.

I'm Gettin' It

I have had to stop my daily walking for a week now. I have that blasted tendonitis.
I was walking about 3.5 miles a day with Leslie. I am starting to look good. I have struggled with weight for years now. For months I have been lolling about- eating terrible and wondering why The Cosmos has done me wrong. Now I DO have PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome)- which is this thing that no one really understands so it is not even a DISEASE it's a SYNDROME people. The long and short of it is PCOS is a hormonal imbalance that disrupts the normal workings of fertility and insulin. It makes you fat. Indeed. That means that my body can not handle all of that sweet junk that I was constantly putting in my face. It just can't.

I woke up one morning a few weeks ago and something had changed. Instead of laying about and moaning about my fate- I decided to fight back. Things had been rolling about in my head for a bit, things like worrying over diabetes, tired of feeling miserable and hating myself, tired of not having any energy, tired of being a victim. Tired of hiding behind The Syndrome. The thing is, I looked at my family tree and wondered who in there had a strong will. I thought no one. Then I remembered my Grandpa Matt. He was diagnosed with Diabetes and he refused to let it get him. He controls his diabetes with diet and exercise- this is amazing if you don't know. I am a Nurse- I very RARELY see anyone fight so hard to do what their body needs. I realized that if Grandpa could do it- I could do it. I could fight back.

I started walking. I mean, that minute. I looked in the mirror, and I decided and I put shoes on and I went for a walk. I called Les afterwards and told him there was a new Sheriff in town. He said "You're back".

I did not stop with the exercise. I am watching what I eat. I have cut my calories down by 2/3. Yes, I am eating enough and I am not starving- that's just how much I would OVER eat before. I also went to the Doc and got back on some meds that help with PCOS. I am also taking a thing my sister found with research - it's an amino acid that PCOS'rs lack- it helps with that whole insulin/food thing.

You see I have lost weight and I am looking pretty good. I have lost over a whole inch on my waist, I have lost cellulite on my thighs, I have to tighten my belt more and some of my pants fall off of me. I haven't wanted to say much because I don't want to jinx myself. I want to keep the focus on DOING and not TALKING.

The other thing is that I have noticed a DRASTIC improvement in my mental state. I am more like myself. These past few months I had started to slide into Depression. Like no energy, hate myself, can't bother to cook, clean or play type stuff. I was still getting stuff done but it was a struggle. Now things are coming easier. I am laughing alot- like I used to. I am just better.

I think I will keep this exercise gig up. I like who I am on it.

I know this because during my week off to rest my leg- I have started to slide mentally a bit. I noticed yesterday that I didn't really care if I ate some chocolate. I was slipping....
We are headed out to the park right now and I can't wait to sweat and feel myself moving and know that I am doing more than changing my body. I am being the best that I can be for my family.

Les and I are doing this together which helps. He is right there with me. Otherwise I might not be so successful. (by the way he has lost over 20 pounds and looks like he did when we married)