Pride Cometh- or- Why I forgot the tortilla chips

Les this is why you have no tortilla chips to munch on right now:

I got dressed yesterday to go to the grocery store. The outfit chosen was a "regular day going to buy milk" outfit- your basic tank top and some light sport capri's. I was choosing not to mess with my hair but hardly ever go out without make-up on so I sat down to do The Face. In the middle of making up- Billy jumps on my chair, behind me, all silent like then he goes "ppprrrppppttt!!!!" in my ear and scares the religion right outta me- he loves to do that. This means that the very gloppy mascara wand I was holding gets dropped and I get a huge black smudge all down the front of me. Fine.

After I stop shaking from the fright. I go upstairs to change. I then realize why I have been silently berating myself to iron that mountain of clothes on my ironing table- I have nothing else casual to wear. I had to spruce it up a bit.

When I looked at myself in my new black tank top, I realized that my hair would need to be brought up to speed. I did my hair.

I left the house and arrived at the grocery store.

I get almost all of the way done, I have just a few more things to grab, like the specifically requested tortilla chips and some very important salami. But there I am, deep in the store and I realize that I feel good. I mean I AM kind of dressed up and wearing make-up and perfume and my legs are shaved and my hair cam out fabo. I am walking along and thinking about how great I look and WHAM!!!!!! A divine being that will remain un-named brings me back to earth.

Because I tripped.

Over nothing.

In the middle of the store.

Not just an "oh I just stumbled a bit and can cover that up" but an "OH! CRAP! Now I need to take three huge half running steps to re-assert my normal center of gravity kind"of trip. Over nothing. A huge trip, then a whomp whomp whomp to regain bodily control.

But.

Somewhere between the second and third whomp, I had to release the shopping cart because it was hindering my ability to windmill my arms about maniacally. But with the first two whomps and that initial trip, that damned old cart had gained momentum. For a shopping cart: momentum plus freedom equals ......?

Well, if it is anywhere near the bread display, it means that the cart slams into the bread shelves which are obviously the victims of poor QA (quality assurance) because they are flimsy and wobble alot and well, alot of bread flew all over the place. Thankfully it landed mostly in the run away cart, so that was helpful.

A very helpful teenager that had a name tag on so I assume he works there. This kid, I swear his mother still has to remind him to brush his teeth- he kind of shuffles over and sideways asks me if "I like need any help" - like we are at the mall and the cool kids are watching. I refuse to be helped by him but find myself admitting that I really did just trip over nothing. Why did I have to confess that bit of trivia to Teen Wolf? I have no idea, it's one of the great mysteries of me.

So that is why I always go to the grocery looking like I just came off a four day drunk- otherwise I would take the entire place down, one aisle at a time.