A Walk In The Flowers

The day before the fair my Mom and I took the kids to a local place that has the grounds all laid out with beautiful flower beds and brick paths and fountains and a duck pond. We fed the ducks and walked around with the kids. It was the nicest afternoon I have had in a long time. I was able to walk around and talk with Mom while the kids ran around feeling like they were discovering all of these hidden paths and secret places. I took a bunch of flower pictures and maybe I will post them on their own but for now, here are a few pictures of Mom and the kids. I love watching my Mom with her Grandchildren, she loves them so very much. She just knows how to talk with them or soothe a boo boo and make them feel as if they are the single most important thing in the universe (they truly are to her).

Oh! For The Love of Chickens

We went to a County Fair. We went with my sister, Brevin , a long time friend of Lissa's- Jenny and her son Jace. We were smart enough to attend in the afternoon when the crowds were thin and the music hadn't been turned on yet. After being at a County Fair as an adult, I am wondering "what's the big deal?"

I started the day full of excitement and wonder. All of that quickly dissipated when I realized the following things

1.) the actual expense of the fair

2.) that farm animals do indeed, stink to high heaven

3.)carnies give me a feeling of anxiety

4.)the rides seem barely fit for experimentation on safety dummies, let alone my precious daughter and nephew and Jace

5.) Farm animals poop- alot

Then it rained. And my sister nearly killed us all with her umbrella. Multiple times.(no really she did, ask Jenny)

Then we decided to head into the chicken tent because I LOVE chickens. Well, I used to love chickens. The smell. Oh my Gawd the smell. Evelyn and Brevin ended up doing this whole synchronized dry heaving thing that will live in infamy in my mind. It was a thing to behold. I am sure that Jenny and Jace think we are all absolutely whacko - well we are and she has known this for many years , it's not our fault she keeps coming back for more. Because it's now like "The Cottrill Girls Are Moms-RUN. Run for your life!" where we just used to be moody teenagers with moods. Where was I? Oh yeah the Fair.

There was Pony Riding. That was cool. I especially loved watching my nephew do that stiff legged, "no way in hell imonna get on that beast" thing with my sister, who did NOT notice that Brev was actively resisting because she was talking with Jenny, she just thought Brev was heavy. The he was all "oh I am on this thing and Mommy did not notice my fit? I like this, I hate this, oh well, let's ride"

Also my sister? In a cow barn? Hands down worth every cent, dry heave and umbrella related eye injury.

I am trying to decide if the quote of the day is Melissa saying "oh GOD! Stay away from their butts!" OR Brev saying "Mommy dis dinks!" OR Ev going "Nope. I am NOT Ok. I am going to throw up!"

Also Ev fell down -alot. I had her in a white sweater and new shoes so of course she fell.

Then there was this boat ride? That Brev could not manage because it was jolting him around and he was all rubber backed and getting the poop literally shook outta him and he cried and we could hardly rescue him because we were laughing at the way his entire body was swaying one way and his head was bobbing the other way (Mom , really you would have laughed too. The guy stopped the ride right away and Lissa got hi quick, in between chuckles) It was after Brev was out of his boat and the ride continued, that his boat was kind of "off" and much more jerky than the others.

Also I got the single coolest picture of sheep balls-EVER.

In summary: The County Fair, A Hellish Experience that I can not wait to repeat. Especially if it means I get to see my sister in a cow barn again because that is some funny &*%# people

Oh! Yes. The kids loved every minute, well not the 1.5 minutes in the chicken tent but, other than that- love.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

• The ten days for my stitches is up on Thursday. I am interested to see if I will nearly pass out this time. What a wimp I can be.
• I am going to try and re-schedule that appt for either a day sooner or later as Ev and I want to sashay our way to Smokewood to have some time with the Grandparents and also go to a County Fair with Lissa and Brevin. Well, either way we are going....I already have the bags packed.
• I am hoping a little visit with family will sort of settle the beast that is my daughter right now. I spoke a leee-tuhl too soon about her gettting back to normal.
• There has been ALOT of adoption talk around here lately and I am thinking that is what is contributing to Ev's erratic moods. I think she just gets unsettled and has a hard time sorting thru things. Earlier in the week we ended up talking abot pregnancy and the like (in a very general way) and that led to a very deep and emotional conversation that left us both teary and tired and worn out.
• Last night she told me that I was her step mother so we had more of a talk that ended in tears (good ones just like before) and.....I don't know . I hope I am doing this right.
• Evelyn found this little lady bug lapel pin that I wore during the wait for her. She is now wearing it for her "brother or sister or twin".
• I have decided that I would like to get my hair colored for the fall/winter. I am thinking a dark, dark brown -almost black color. I will NOT do it at home this time. I WILL pay to have it done professionally.
• I wish we were leaving for China next week. I am feeling like my baby is born and in this world and I want him/her in my arms. NOW.
• I watch Brevin and Evelyn together and they get along so well and are so very close that I am afraid that The Younger may mess that up. I love that they are close and rely on each other. Maybe they have room for one more in that special little club.
• Having written the previous statement, the kids will probably fight like cats and dogs at the Fair.
• I am going off to have another good cry because I just re-read that bit about Ev calling me her step mother and it makes my heart hurt so bad that she has to try and work these things out. I would not change the way she came into my life for anything, I would, however, change the pain that her beginnnings have caused her.

36; and then the Sandman got Brevin

Yesterday I turned 36. Thirty six. My Grandma called me yetserday and sang the birthday song to me, just like she does every year. When she was done singing she asked me if I felt old. I have to say that last ear on my birthday I felt so much older than I do now. I guess with all of the fitness routines and expecting another baby and all I just feel young. The numbers don't match my self image at all. I guess it will feel this way for many years now.





On Sunday - Les and Evelyn had many whispered conversations during the early morning and they left mid-morning to "go look at motor oil". They promised to be back before my parents got here. I had a nice couple of hours just bumming around the quiet house, even Billy was off sleeping somewhere so I had a dose of much needed solitude. When Les and Ev got back home, Ev was full of ear to ear grins, whispered consultations with her Papa and many secrets. I was told that they did indeed, look at motor oil. I had to close my eyes for a couple of their trips through the house and then there was this whole session of the two of them being locked in Ev's room. It did not take a genius to figure out that there were some birthday surprises underway. Eventually I was told that the big brown bag in the freezer was "yellow soy beans". Apparently this was Ev's idea, she wanted me to be completely surprised by my ice cream cake and she had the idea to get a brown bag and label it yellow soy beans, Les did that and I was "non the wiser".





Mom and Dad arrived with Brev (Lissa was at work) and we sat down for a nice visit. Mom and Dad got me my very own Pandora bracelet! We then talked some more and then Mom and I ran out for pizza.





After we ate the pizza and that settled it was time for the cake. Les and Ev got the cake all ready and carried it in and I was very surprised to learn that there were no REAL soybeans in the freezer after all. While enjoying the cake, Ev wanted to bring me down my gift from her. This was all from her, the idea, the card, the wrapping. I knew that I was in for some tears when I saw this:












I had no idea what was inside the card though. Inside was a hand written message from my daughter to me on my birthday. I can remember only one other time in my life being flooded with so much good emotion and love and that was when I took her into my arms the first time. This was her message:









What else could a mother want?





I had a box of my favorite perfume that I just ran out of and Ev knew that and desperately wanted me to have more because she knows how I love it (Tresor by Lancome). There was also a mermaid bookmark that she picked out because she knows that I am forever loosing my place while reading.





So I am reading this card and crying all over the place and I felt like my chest was going to explode. Then as each adult in the room read that card, they started tearing up too. Les knew what was in it but he too got emotional when He saw the impact it had on me. There we were all of us sitting there crying and being sappy. It got real quiet for a minute and then you could hear Brevin say "the Sandman got my eyes!". I looked and he was all teared up too, without understanding exactly why. (he is a very tender hearted little guy and cries whenever he is around strong emotions- I love that about him). The only dry eyes in the room belonged to Ev who couldn't quite figure out why we were all emotional (ever practical that girl- I love that about HER).





Earlier in the month I got tickets for the Broadway show "Wicked" that will be playing here in Cleveland - this from Les. I have wanted to see that since it came out and he remembered. I also get to pick out a cooking class to attend with Jodi (from Jodi).


It seems that this may go down in the books as my best birthday ever. EVER.

Summer Fun

I have had these awhile but just figured out how to get pictures from my iphone up to the blog....

This was an afternoonin late July or early August. Dad took Ev out for a spin in his classic convertable (Pontiac Le Mans but do not ask me the year). She loved it. In the front seat, no roof, the wind in her hair, her Gramps at her side. There was even a stop for ice cream. She is still talking about this ride- whenever she sees another convertible on the road,we hear all about her ride in Grandpa's car. She wasn't the only one who enjoyed it, it was pretty sweet for her Mama and her Grandpa too. We ended up riding through a State park and eventually, after a looong struggle, Evelyn fell asleep. I know that she will remeber this afternoon for her whole life- it was that good.

She's Ba-aack!!

Not back to herself exactly but back to some semblance of the girl we know and love. We have been having "a bit of a go" with her lately. She has been in a stage. A "stage", I mean.
She has been testing us and trying new and unusual things. I have to say that I should have been more on top of things but I get tired of being so on top of things all of the time. I let some behaviors slide and I would just lecture and talk and there were no real consequences for her. (I do NOT mean spankings as discipline or consequences) So she just got worse and worse. Defiance, sarcasm, general rottenness.... It got old. We had a HORRIBLE night the other night. I had to be tough and tough and tough. I had to put all of that stuff I should have been doing for weeks into one night. It was ugly.
That is so hard for me. It is hard for me to be the one that is saying, "NO" with some follow up action to help re-enforce what I say. Like, "Evelyn please do action A" then she just stands there and looks at me and shakes her head no and I have to get tough and make her listen and then devise some consequence. Time and time again. I turned to alcohol as soon as she was in bed that night. I am holding my breath now. She seems to have gotten that we are back on track and that she is not running the show, with just a few slips now and again that I am vigilant in watching for.

It is hard for me to be this person in Ev's life. I want to be her friend and play mate. I want to be the one that makes her laugh and smile. I want to be carefree with her. I want to loose that responsibility of rounding her out as a person. I am starting to understand why my parents are so ga-ga over the grandkids- it's so nice to just be able to spoil them and play with them and be soft everywhere all of the time. It seems a bit unfair that I waited my whole life to be the Mama and then I found out that being the Mama means being the tough one. It means that Leslie and I are the ones that are responsible for her success in life. I don't mean monetary success, I mean "human" success- being a good person, being kind and polite and respectful and well rounded and not afraid and willing to try new things and strong minded and ...... oh. It's so much. I try to find the balance. That's all I can do. That, and love her -but the loving sure does come easy. Even when she is rotten.

Chicken Entrails

I feel like I should consult some form of fortune telling. I mean, I keep having these dreams of baby boys and I am starting to wonder a bit..... Will we really have a son?
I had a dream last night that I was in this place and they had all of these babies and I was walking through and looking at them. It was a bit surreal though, all of the babies were wrapped up in those polar fleece snugglies and hanging up on hangers, the idea was that they were waiting for their families I guess, they were all kind of asleep too. Well, I was walking around and I kept ending up in the "boy's department"- every time I tried to get to the girls to look at them, I would spin and be right back at the boys. There was this one baby I really liked and I took him down to hold him and then Barack Obama came in ( in a gray tweed suit with a dapper yellow scarf) and told me "not right now Mrs. Dillon, you have to leave him here for awhile yet" I said okay, but I did make a complaint that he was cold and I wanted him to be kept warm, then George W. Bush made some sarcastic remark and Barack Obama asked him to leave me alone. Then I left because Mr. President said my baby would be fine. I woke up with the feeling of the soft down of his hair still on my palms where I was rubbing his head (the baby's not Obama's).
So. What do I think? Will we have a boy? I will let you know when we get a referral.
Anyone know a good fortune teller?