Rainy Day

Conversational Gems

I swear Ev can be the funniest kid.
Today she said "You are a good Mama and I love you, even though you are sick and grumpy".

Here are a few others:
I know why Darth Vader breathes funny. He's using noodles to breathe through!! ( this was said as she, yes you guessed it, was wheezing through a penne noodle)

"I can NOT wait to get my brother home." When I asked why she promptly responded " Because he will have to do....every. single. thing. I. say."

"OHH! Look at the big brain on Brad!" (from Pulp Fiction, no she hasn't watched it- her Papa just says that alot)

"When Billy dies I want a pet rabbit. I don't want one now, he would eat it and then I would get mad and I wouldn't give him anymore cat parties. But you don't eat when you're dead!"

"Not for Googly bear." (this is from Monsters Inc. and used in such good context that Les and I nearly choked"

"Mama I could drive this truck. I mean, I stopped going off of the cliffs so much in Mario Cart. I could just use a cane or a big stick to push the pedals on the floor. Do you want me to drive us to the store or are you on it?" (I assure you, I was on it)

"We better paint our toes before we see Lissa. She will loose her mind if she sees our feet. We should be ashamed of ourselves"

Today she was goofing off in the truck while I was driving and she looked up and said " Woman?!? Where the hell are you?!?!"

Three weeks ago she painted a gift for her Papa at the pottery place, it's intended for Father's Day. Today she was having wistful thoughts about how Papa would love it (it's a flower) and then she got all serious and said "Gee. I sure hope he can act decent and not get HIS parent's day gift taken away, like somebody else I know."- as she was giving me the stink eye. I just sighed and walked out of the room. She thinks she made a point, little does she know.....

(this was to help Auntie Krista make it through the last few days of May, the Month of Suck)

Just a few things 'cuz I am near death

I have a cold.
It's a summer cold.
It sucks.


Ok that's out of the way.

This past Tuesday we went to Gymnastics. At the end of the class it was time for them to pass out the little slip of paper that tells you what class they recommend for your kid next year.
Ev's teacher kept looking at me and then moving on to another Mom and I was getting a bit cranky because I was hungry and Hell Cold was coming on. Eventually she gets to us. We were last.
It seems that she had a reason to keep us last as there was alot to talk about.
Evelyn has been invited to be in the "invitation only" , "streamline to competition class"!
We are very proud of her and even thought his means a summer commitment from all of us - we are going to do it.
My little gymnast! (she totally needs a new leo for her b-day now)

Also? How can you not love a man who walks in the door from work with this?

A pot full of beautiful Calendula for his little girl that just got invited into a special Gymnastics class.

I swear, I fell in love with him all over again when I saw this.

Ok. I am going to go lay in bed and wheeze for a bit now......

Forget What I Just Said

I mean? Look at that boy! Of course there will be equality because when I saw this picture today- I was just over the moon, happy in love and I now know that my heart no longer belongs to me. My heart is the property of two children born in a foreign land.

Dear USCIS and China.

I can not be expected to wait for weeks to get my hands on this boy. Those cheeks need some serious kissing. I know there is a tummy under there that needs a zerbert. This family needs that boy, so please do what you can to get us there as quickly as possible. Really, my sanity depends on it.

Thank you, 

Liam's Mama

Equality

I want to be able to sit down and write this beautiful post about my love for my daughter. I want it to flow and read well. I want to sound smart and funny and yet, somehow, let you in to see how she has changed my heart. I don't have that ability. I don't relate to the world through my heart, I keep that tucked away and hidden. I guard my heart closely. Instead, I tell funny stories or show faux exasperation for a funny slant to my daily life.
I will tell you that we painted our living room red and that I love it but not why.
I will tell you the many issues that popped up in the painting of that room- hopefully so that you will smile and think "that crazy woman".
I am the same way, if not more so about my children. I will write about the longing I have for Liam, that's alright. I don't know why- maybe because I know that I am not alone in these feelings, every Waiting Mother feels those things. But I won't talk much about the magic my heart is flooded with when I look at Ev.
It seems that the way I love her is such a private thing.
I guess I feel like, I can't ever express it right, my writing talents are not up to the task.

So let me put it simply. I love my daughter. She is the very breath of my life. I was not even fully alive until that moment they placed her in my arms. I remember the feeling exactly, it was like I had been under water my whole life and then, my face broke through the surface and I could breathe and I could feel the sunshine and I realized how very rich my life had just become. Sometime I look at her and my heart just lurches.
I will come across some crazy pile of her things in the house, at night, after she is cuddled properly and tucked in and dreaming, and I will nearly fall to my knees with gratitude that she is here, living with me and changing my landscape.
The joy that bubbles up inside of me when I hear her belly laugh? It would power New York City for a month.
I find her beautiful, complex, silly, smart, funny and every good thing about my life.
In fact my love for her is so very encompassing that I wonder. I truly wonder about my ability to bring another child into this home and love him like this. How much room can one heart have?
I already love him, that's true. But I love the idea of him, I don't know him yet. I haven't had the opportunity to hear his laugh or hold him when he has a nightmare. I don't know if he's clever or if he likes cars or balls. I love his picture. I think he is absolutely the cutest boy I have ever seen. When I look at his picture my heart skips a bit and I feel as if I might burst before I get there to him.
What I want more than anything is be able to love with equality.
Is that possible?
Will my heart grow to include them both?
Sometimes I look at Ev and our eyes meet and she smiles this crooked little smile and I know that she knows. My love. That I will do whatever is required of me as her mother.
I just hope that Liam gets that too. If the way I feel when I look at his picture is any indication, I am on the right track.

This and That

• So my ears have faded. I no longer look like a walking reason to not dye your hair at home. 
• Ev seems to be recovered from The Tick Incident. Man, am I glad because I was getting tired of checking her head and rubbing a placebo on her scalp! ( the placebo in question is Vaseline in a tube)
• Last night Ev and I were making pizza and out of the blue it was like a hole was torn in my heart. I wanted Liam home so bad right then. 
• My cat had been pouting for two days now. I am unaware of any blatant neglect or abuse so I am not sure what his issue is. Have any of you ever had a cat stare at you incriminatingly for 48 hours? It's un-nerving. I even cleaned the litter box twice yesterday! AND he got "double tuna"! What's up?
• At dinner 3 nights ago we had Penne. So Ev grabs up a pasta tube and started wheezing thru it. She had a eureeka moment. She said " hey! This is why Darth Vader breathes weird! He's breathing thru a noodle!" 
• We have the living room nearly done. But I have decided that I want it all to be red instead of just a red accent wall. I swear Leslie nearly wept when I told him (though he agrees with me). It just means two more days of painting instead of a quick rolling on of the second coat. Ah well, if we weren't painting we'd be just- what? Oh! Living in a house that's not torn apart.

Art From Tragedy

Lest you underestimate the trauma caused by the TICK in the previous post, here is how Ev is working through her feelings.

Let me dissect it all for you. The yellow head with crazy brown hair is Ev. The red circles about her are her stroller. The small red thing above the stroller top is Papa pushing the stroller (love the perspective). The big gray thing is the tick. The yellow line is the needle he would have used to stab her head and drink her blood. Yes she actually said "stab her head and drink her blood".

Why no vanquishing Mama? Hummm....