Well, well, well

This blog has been a bit quiet lately. We have all been recovering from what we will now call " The Holiday Trip That Almost Ate Us Alive". I had no idea how exhausted you could get travelling, I think the only other time in my life I have been this tired was during and after our trip to China.
I am fully aware that at least on my end of things, the exhaustion is partly psychological. I am dealing with quite a bit for this upcoming year and I think I am going into classic shutdown just to have some blank time in my mind for preparation.
What IS on Michal's mind? Hum, do you really want to know? If not, don't bother reading this post, tune in at a later date for more Adventures of The Bean, when my wit and sense of observation/humor have returned, no one will be the wiser.
First it is that wonderful time of year when I have to face the fact that I have lived yet another one of my years stuck in a layer of blubber. This is getting critical, I seem to be loosing who I feel that I really am, to this apologetic, rounded , watered down version of myself. I am letting it all sink in and trying not to fight the feelings of disgust and aggravation - maybe if I get REAL sick of myself I will continue past Feb with "good intentions". I have started things off right since we have been home. I have drastically cut back on the diet soda with the eventual goal of being completely done with the stuff ( my inspiration is my Dad who has stopped drinking regular coke after years of drinking it freely ). I have begun and exercise routine , yes Virginia there are thigh muscles, and hope to stick with that as well. I really want to loose about 30 pounds before we move, wish me luck. This is going to require a whole battery of changes and Les is right with me on this which is awesome. Also I am aging. That sucks!!! I always wanted to be the kind of person who "aged gracefully". HA! F that noise, I am going to go down fighting people, fighting to the bitter end.
Then, we do have the aforementioned move ahead of us. For me, this is the hardest part, these weeks of waiting and wondering and trying not to freak out, the possibilities, the knowledge that every part of my life will change for better or worse and I will just have to ride the waves. We can not plan a SINGLE thing for this coming year because we have no idea where we will be(well I know that come hell or high water , we will be at M- Farm on May 31st with Dan and Cherie). I know that it may not sound that stressful but, believe me, it is. Ironically when we get the news and I know where we are going, some of the stress will ease up. I will be able to start penciling in an idea of how our year will go, start researching the place that we are going to: in short I will be able to feel like I have a bit of control, the unknown will become known and we can move forward. OH! And with the move, comes the stress and work of intense cleaning and , as Les puts it "going through our things with extreme prejudice- this can take weeks.
Now also we are wanting to jump back into the world of International Adoption. YIKES! We really want to have another child in our lives and our reasons for adopting from China and not domestically have not changed, as a matter of fact we feel even more strongly against Domestic Adoption - for us as a family, not in general, since we started the process for Bean. I am not sure if any of you follow this world and know what is going on, but let me say things have gotten pretty bleak on this front. China has slowed WWWWAAAAAAYYYY down on referrals, the requirements have gotten much more strict and there is a terrible air of uncertainty with China now that was never there before. I am hearing tales of referral times stretching out to as much as 4 years. The thought of this makes me nearly senseless with frustration and worry and aggravation and disappointment. These negative feelings and worry are not just for me , but for every single family in the middle of, beginning of or at any stage of, adopting from China. I think about these families every day, I read their blogs, I feel their pain. I have no idea why we feel so compelled as a couple and a family to jump back into this, I just know that we do and that following these types of feelings are what lead me to Evelyn, so I will go along again when the time is right, no matter what the rumors and waits are. Is that crazy? Probably because I could eliminate an entire city block's worth of worry by just making the simple decision to not adopt again. Yet, I can't seem to make that decision, hell, I could hardly type it out! There is a bright side though, there are schools of thought out there that think when we are ready to jump back in, thing will have picked back up and China will be a bit more stable and quicker. We will just have to see what's happening when we are ready to go for it.
The other thing is Evelyn. She is growing and changing and I have to relinquish the last vestige of baby-ness. Her crib will be out of her room by the end of the week. We have a toddler bed coming for her. I used to think it was so silly to hear mothers lamenting about loosing that last thing of the baby days. Now I understand!! It's that you finally have to face the fact that you are now the mother of a child and not the mother of your little baby. OK OK she's great now and I love her and I love watching her grow it's just that well, she was just so damn buttery and bean-y as a baby and now she's all about " I can do it", " No thank you for the hugs Mama"- you know what I mean? It's bittersweet.
So that's it, in review, I'm fat , we're moving, China adoption is a mess and Ev is growing up- 'nuff said.