Rocky IV - Dillon Style

I have been debating with myself about this post or one like it. On one hand I think that this Blog is about keeping people up to date on Bean and what is happening in that area of my life and that's great, that's what I started this thing for. On the other hand, even I get a little tired of just the happy, easy moments highlighted. I don't want to have a Blog that is false with sweetness and light, I also don't want a " hey look we have troubles", so my Blog is edgy and gritty. So I try for a balance, though I do realize that the "balance" is still kid/adoption related, I have few hold backs when it comes to talking about the aspects of adoption, both positive and negative. I do tend to hold things back about the other facets of our life and it seems to me that this is becominga bit unbalanced and that bothers me some. I have also come to enjoy keeping this blog and writing about certain things here has helped me resolve them internally. So you may start to see a bit more of the family stuff and not just the Bean stuff.
Having said all that let me tell you about Hell Week, also known as The House Hunt from Hell, also known as Seeing How Much Dillon Can Jodi Really Take, also known as The Week That Nearly Ended In Disaster... Ok I will skip ALOT of the details here, you don't really need to hear about every single terrible house we saw, just know that they were bad, B-A-D, bad. We had to house hunt with a three year old who had already driven two days and 16 hours to get there, in and out of the car umpteen times a day, hungry most of the day because , well, we were just that busy. We were under the impression that we had the 10 days to find a house or the world would end, we unrealistically expected to get everything done and have a house to move into as we pulled out of Carolina- aw.... stupid people...... So the week got bad, fast and I am not even adding in the pre-existing family issues that came along on the ride with us. Let's just say that three years with no babysitter that we can rely on for any significant break has taken it's toll on our marriage. Let's just say that having an extremely intelligent child that needs a high, sustained level of attention has taken it's toll as well. Let's just say that all of that combined with crappy house hunt and feeling of impending doom, sent Les and I into the single worst fight of our marriage.
The kind of fight that leaves you raw and exposed. The kind of fight that will likely be remembered by your child for her entire life and end up being the root of all of her adult anxieties. It was a brutal, unforgiving few hours that I really don't want to ever think about or re-live. Really though, I wouldn't take it back. We needed to clear the air. We needed to push each other a bit to see how strong our commitment was to each other. So we had a nuclear meltdown, so what? At then end of the day we still went to sleep holding each other and knowing that we were still all right and knowing that, yes, after all we were still in love with each other. I am shocked at how hard I pushed Les and shocked at how hard he pushed back, while sticking around. ( On a side note here I am also shocked that the voice of reason was my sister, a chic notorious for blowing her stack and melting someone to the bone with the power of her Laser Anger Vision- a respectable talent, truly).
The coming back together has been slower than fights in the past. Some of that is because of the child and her needs and our need to just be her parents. Also, I think some of it is because we are utterly amazed that we are still here and still laughing at each other's silly jokes. But I trust this more, you know? We are reshuffling our life and some priorities, we are making more time for each other and we have learned that it's okay to shoo Bean off to her own activity so we can just TALK (for any interested the talking tonight consisted of thoughts on kitchen designs and the terrible state of our public school systems and it was marvelous and amazing that we could get out more that a thought and a half before being interrupted).
I have been slow to Blog, slow to e-mail and slow to call or answer calls. I have been in a semi-state of suspension, just brewing things over in my head and re- cooperating after that trip from hell. During that week and here at home after things settled down a bit, I have been given some good, strong advice from Jodi and my sister and I really think that the things they said weren't easy for them to say but they said 'em and I am so grateful that they did, I am so lucky to have you two in my life, you say the hard stuff when no one else can, you tell me to knock it off, suck it up and sometimes you just let me know that yeah, it sucks- thank you. Chris, you just have a talent for listening to me and letting me see how silly I can get sometimes, thank you.
To my husband.... what can I say? You are the reason for my everything. I really and truly could not make it through a single day without you, I mean who else would laugh at my jokes and understand me so completely? I love you, I love you, I love you.
To my parents..... get the basement ready we are heading your way!!!!




This picture was taken in 1993 by Chris Dillon


This picture was taken in Alaska, a timed shot by Les in 2005


Photo by Les, just this week