To Evelyn

Dear Evelyn,

I have been doing alot of thinking about those days before you came into my life. Do you want to know how I got through to re-telling of all of that sadness for me? By listening to your play, either right here at my feet or off in your room. I could hear you dancing and singing and fussing at Billy Bones and I knew that you were here. My daughter. My special muffin head and that at least once in my life I did the right thing and got you in the bargain.

I love your little round face. I love the way that your eyes light up when you are teasing your Papa and me. I love that, even though in that picture up there, it looks like Billy is about to eat your face off, you are really good to your cat and you two play together quite a bit. I am proud of the way you act in public. I love hearing you fanatically counting things right now- you count everything. I loved that when I was reading your bedtime story last night, you just burst out and recited nearly the whole book from memory (you even did the funny voices the way that I do them). I love the way that your hair smells in the mornings. I love the way you look wearing hats. I love to watch you nod off to sleep in your car seat, even though you fight it so hard. I love to wait and listen, to find out what your daily musical selection will be. I love to hear you say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I love when you climb up on my lap to tell me a secret. I love that I can never do the smallest, insignificant change around the house without you noticing. I love that, the other day you got your doll stuff out and decided that Baby's clothes were a mess, so you spent 20 minutes folding and organizing her things. I love that you can really and actually help me put groceries away. But, what is most in my mind as I watch you play and hear you singing along to your music and I answer your 50 gajillion questions? What is making my heart ache in the nicest way today?

The way that your sleepy face lit up with an interior magic and I saw possibilities blossom in your mind when I woke you up last night in the middle of the night to show you the snow. I got your warm sleepy body up and held it close to me and waited while you shook off your dreams and then I whispered " Evelyn sometimes the best magic happens when you sleep." I pulled up you window blinds slowly to show you the snow falling. It was falling in big white chunks that drifted lazily down. When you went to bed we just had our regular street out there but by this time, everything was covered in beautiful, sparkling whiteness. You saw that, and after you got done worrying about if the garbage men would take the garbage this morning if the cans were covered in snow. After you completed your initial, practical survey, you got real quiet and looked and looked. And then the best, slowest , sweetest, most secret smile lit your face up. Your Papa was right there with us and he watched , not the snow, or me, but you, and all that you revealed to us in that moment.

You are our dream Evelyn.

We are lucky to have you.

Love,

Mama