Today

Today I stood at the front of our home, I was taking a breather from raking leaves and cleaning up the front yard. Evelyn was there with me, running around and doing her thing. I stood there for a moment feeling my arms ache nicely and I watched that little girl. She was dressed in a navy blue short sleeve dress with a red shirt underneath and red tights with black Mary Jane's. She had a bright orange bucket in one hand swinging it back and forth as she walked. I stood there mesmerized by the sight of her. The sunlight was slanting down our street, filtered through the autumn leaves that remain on the trees, so the light was golden and streaked. The sidewalk was a patchwork of golds, oranges, reds and browns where the leaves on the ground made irregular shapes of color. My tiny, brown haired girl walked along, singing, swinging her bucket and scuffling her feet to make crisp swishing sounds. I watched her stopping to inspect interesting things and occasionally toss something into that orange bucket, a dry leaf here, an abandoned mum there. I could hear snatches of her song though the swish swish of the leaves. I could see the sunlight shining off of her dark hair. I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life. I imagine that if I lived for a thousand years there would be nothing to rival the sight of that wonderfully open and curious girl as she walked down the street as the autumnal world was revealing itself to her. I stood there transfixed to that spot and I finally understood the sheer magnitude of the responsibility of being her mother- I have to try and keep her spirit as open and honest and hopeful as it is right now. Those few moments on a suburban sidewalk held more epiphany than any moment that I have ever had looking at art or in a church or in nature- anywhere. I could see my daughter clearly. And she is divine.