Are we the chosen ones?

I was talking with Leslie this evening and our conversation led where it almost always does these days. To the Younger. The baby to come. We have alot to ponder and that is putting it lightly.
I read to him this blog entry of a blog that I follow. The parents have just chosen the file of a Special Needs girl and the Mama wrote a post ( a beautiful post) about the days and hours leading up to their acceptance of this child. She talked openly and with heart about the initial "knowing" that you have just seen the face of your child, about the doubts that start to creep in and those moments when you finally decide to put the child first and see how the decision plays out. I read this entry to Leslie and while that entry had filled my heart with hope and light- it seemed to cause Les some discomfort and anguish.
He wondered aloud at the fairness of being put in the position of choosing these children- a child really- one out of thousands. Our choice yes means a child will live- not only live but thrive and be loved. Our choice no for a child would mean....God only knows. It is a heavy burden some days- every day. I KNOW both emotionally and intellectually that our acceptance of a Special Needs child means that, that single child will come home and share our lives. That child will live.
Leslie always dismays at this responsibility. He feels that those decisions are better left to God and that we, as mere humans should not have the power that our acceptance does, indeed have. It is a decision of life and death- we know that. He feels unworthy of this. I think he feels afraid mostly that a very understandable passing fear may cause him to hesitate when we see the face and file of our new child.
I agree with him. It doesn't seem fair sometimes that the ones of us who can't have children biologically have to make these decisions.
In my brighter moments I wonder if God knows something that we don't? I wonder and hope that HE sees something that said, "these people have the love and ability to make the choices I need them to make to get their children home". You see, I KNOW that God is with us in this journey. I have had too many confirmations to truly doubt. I just hope that we can set aside ourselves and put this new child first. I hope that we are up to the task. I hope that we know when to say yes and when to say no and when to push ourselves and when to back off.
Please. Do not misunderstand. Leslie and I are both in this 100%. We are right with each other. We talk talk talk about this. I have not pushed him into this and he has not pushed me. We know we want to adopt again. We know that we want a Special Needs child. It's just that even when you KNOW, there are moments of doubt and fear. I will say that our fears have never been about doing it or not- they are about making the decision that would be right for the 4 of us.
I am going to find my husband now ( he is down stairs teaching Ev how to catch and throw a football) and I am going to say to him that I think he is perfect to help me make these decisions, simply because he is worried about it. His worries means that he is thinking. It means that he understands the magnitude of this and in my book, he's got what it takes. It means that he is already Papa to that mystery person that will complete our family.