We Were Meant To Be

Meant to be. An interesting phrase. It carries with it a whole truck load of heavy of implications. It implies Divine Purpose, it implies Serendipity, it implies that anything and everything that came before was alright, it was all supposed to happen so you could get to a certain point of place in your life. I have been reading the thoughts and feelings of some Adult Adoptees and they HATE this phrase. I do not blame them.
I have to say that I have never used this phrase, this "meant to be" with my daughter and I probably never will. I had some fuzzy instinct all along that this was not the message I wanted for my children but it hasn't really congealed until recently.  That doesn't mean that I don't believe we were meant to be. It means that it will be a long, long time before she can ever begin to wrap her mind and emotions around it. A blogger that I respect immensely said recently " In spite of all those signs (her birth date, the butterfly painted on her face, her very name) that this child was "meant" for us, I believe wholeheartedly that the best possible option for her, if the right supports had been in place, would be for M-n-M to have remained with her China mom and China dad, in her country. But I also believe that God (or the universe, or whatever you choose to call this divine force), has the power to bring the very best out of a complicated situation, if you're alert to the signals. And that same force might point you in the direction your life is better off taking. Certainly this was how we were led to M-n-M, by being open to the possibility of her, and paying attention to the voice of this world, and (more importantly) the voice of our own hearts.". I think she is on to something there.
In my mind, it's like this. Bad things happen. Terrible things have happened to our children and to their birth parents. Those things; the abandonment, the hunger, the cold, the loneliness - these things are not "meant" for anyone. But they do happen. I would give anything if my children could have come into this world and not experienced such loss. They did though. That's where I come in. That's where the "meant to be" comes in. They were not meant to have pain and loss- but I was meant to help charter them through that and come out of the other side, complete and whole and loved and healed as much as possible. I was meant to take a part of their burden. I was meant to help shoulder their load.
I look at my children. The one here, and the one who waits, and I see entire universes in them. I see luminous beings who deserve the best of everything. How they entered this world, alone and frightened, the sadness of it just cripples me somedays. Sometimes I look at them and think, was there no one? No one to stand up for them and love them and cherish them and see what I see? Those days I am crippled by anger for them, these wonderful little people. I get angry at everyone from God to Government to Orphanage Workers to Myself.
On most days I look at them and all I feel is joy. Unwashed, undiluted, complete joy. They are mine. I was meant to be the one that comes forward for them.
I was meant to be...theirs.


The quote above is from Tell Her This written by Kris, the mother to one very special little girl. Check out her blog, if you haven't already. It's worth a few momnets, the way Kris writes about her love of Ellis and their life is amazing and makes me cry at least a few times a week.