Weekend Re-cap

We had a long, tiring, fun and wonderful weekend. I only managed to get pictures on the day we went to Cedar Point. I am offering up this quick re-cap because I am still to whipped to do anything else!

Thursday night, Aunt Rae and her gang showed up here at the casa. We talked and snacked and everyone turned in.
Friday we all got up way too early, took way too long to get going and eventually made it to Cedar Point-all 11 of us. Ev had a strange day of frustration and wild rides. She is a tiny thrill seeking muffin and was unable to ride most anything that was interesting to her. She is 41 inches tall and 6 years old(yeah those red shorts she's wearing are size 12 mos). That means that the kiddie rides are boring, she is too short for most of the big rides and many of the in-between rides. She never complained- not once, instead she waited patiently when necessary and rode the things she could ride over and over again- squealing with delight, hands in the air and a huge grin on her face.
Saturday was "layover day", with Aunt Rae and her gang here and Aunt Jenny's gang joining in the fun for awhile before they pulled out, on their way to Tennessee then AUnt Rae's gang left for home too.
Yesterday was Father's Day. There was an appropriate level of sleeping in. Then we went to the lake for a swim, walked along a lakeside trail for a bit, munched on mulberries( right off of the tree). We had dinner out then we went to see Toy Story 3 and had ice cream.
No wonder I am tired and a bit off today! It was a big weekend.
(We absolutely loved Toy Story 3 by the way)

Edited to say: I just checked the tag on those shorts because I started thinking, "Really? 12 mos? In 3 days she will be six- surely that's not right." Turns out I WAS wrong. Those shorts are not size 12 mos- they are size 6-12 mos! And that is why we call her The Tiny Muffin.

Two Hearts

As you walk to and from the fishing pier where we chunked rocks today, you have to walk along this stone wall, that has scraps of graffiti on it. I didn't pay much attention walking out because we were talking and laughing with each other. On the way back from the far edge of the pier, we sat and engaged in sime pretty serious chunking. We quieted down a bit and I sat there listening to the sounds of Ev's rocks break the surface of the lake with wonderful little ker-plunks and splashes. I got to thinking about Liam and wondering if the life we have in mind for him will offer as much healing as Ev has had.  And then I was thinking about how, on the way home from my Mom's house yesterday, I heard a song that I have listened to a thousand times but his time the song was completely different for me 

 This time I listened to it while Ev was sleeping in the backseat and my mind was freely wondering and hoping on Liam. 

The song is Two Hearts by one of my favorite musical artists, Chris Isaak. It was intended to be a song from a man to a woman that he loves. But if you just listen, you can hear the plea that is in my heart and Leslie's heart. Two hearts, one that belongs to a mother and one of a father. We are waiting to to end Liam's heartaches. The heavy weight of his heart break can be eased by the both of us.
And like the song says:

It's not too late.

I am sure that wherever my little boy is tonight, it's dark around him and he wonders why no one has found him. It's not his fault....

So imagine my surprise when, walking back to the truck I saw this graffiti:

Read the lyrics and listen to the song if you want. There is love in this song, and hope and a sort of hurry up and come on vibe.






No stars in the sky, the night seems so dark around you.
You won't say a word, and wonder why no one's found you,
Waiting for love, praying for love again........

Love's a heavy weight, give it to me don't hesitate.
Love's a heavy thing, too heavy for one heart to bring me your love.
Give me your love again, it's not your fault.
One heart can never win it takes.

Two hearts, two hearts just to hold love.
Two hearts, two hearts just to hold your love.
Your love.

And if your heart should ache,
Remember me.
And if your heart should break.

Two hearts, two hearts they can mend it.
Heartache, heartaches can be ended by love, by love.

Love's a heavy weight, give to me don't hesitate.
Love's a heavy thing, too heavy for one heart to bring me your love.
Give me your love again, It's not too late.
One heart can never win, it takes two hearts.

Two hearts, two hearts just to hold love
Two hearts, two hearts just to hold your love
Your love. 

My new anthem.

Trucks and Such

Today was Touch a Truck Day at our local library. They had the parking lot filled with different types of trucks and the kids were allowed to climb and clamber and honk and "drive". Every single kid there was in awe and most of them were climbing and test driving. Well, all of them but mine.

The only vehicle she got into willingly was The Mulcher! Oh she did go into the Ambulance but that was because I went in too, and then we forced her up on the Zamboni.

After we had our fill of trucks, we headed to the lake for some good, old fashioned rock chunkin'. We were right across the Grand River from Papa's Station and we walked out on the fishing pier. (There is this great stone wall with graffiti there that I love.)

Then dinner out.

It was a good day, even if that little stinker refused to get inside the Fire Engine!

Now she and Papa are preparing for a night of camping out, in the backyard.

Ahhh, the joys of summer.

Please note: The Maternal Unit is NOT camping out. It's ummmm, not my thang. I mean I will do it when forced but NOT 75 feet away from my own bed- that's just wrong, man.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

At The Store

Bean and I were at the store today- stocking up on totally nutritious food like pizza and ice cream and brownie mix when this Asian couple walked past us. I hardly noticed as Bean was in high chatter and there was this hot topic going on about what topping we were gonna buy to go on our brownie sundays tonight (chocolate or hot fudge)....

Bean noticed though. She always notices Asians- Chinese or Japanese or Korean. She notices every Asian person in a 3 mile radius.

Today she stopped gabbing about The Topping long enough to point out the Asian folks. I smiled and said oh yes " she is lovely"- because that's usually how it goes- she sees mostly the women and thinks they are beautiful ( they are). 

Then Bean looked at me and she said " I don't know why I always want to look at Chinese people- Do you Mama?" I just stood there, thinking of what to say and how to say it in such a public place. I was taking way too long to answer and it seems that Bean already had it worked out.  After  a very short few seconds she said " I think it's because they make me think of my Birth Mother".

 So we had a conversation in the car coming home. 

I asked her if she thought of her Birth Mother often and she said yes. I said " You know it's okay to talk to me about her or your time in China or being adopted- anything - anytime- right?" 

She said " I don't talk about it much because I get sad and confused and I can't....I don't know what words to use to talk about it".

We decided that sometimes it will be okay for me to ask her (Bean) about it and anytime she is thinking about things she can at least say " I am thinking about my Birth Mother" and then we can try to find words together.

These kind of moments with her make me really glad that I have read many, many blogs of other families and they have each helped me prepare for this and glad that there are now brownies and ice cream in the house- for that all important Emotional Eating that will be done. 

Waiting: It's What We Do

We are a military family and we have a life that is fraught with separations and schools and Temporary Assignments. We are also an adoptive family and we get to do that long, winding meander to our children.

So waiting is what we do.

Some days I am good at it and some days I am not.

I thought that at this point- I wouldn't be very good at it.

I am doing ok which surprises me.

Maybe it's because we have so many things left to do between now and travel?

Maybe it's because I am just plum exhausted and have left the worrying and details to God?

Maybe it's because I have partially shut down and I am not letting anything get too close or be too real?

I can tell you that it's NOT because I am not frantic to get to him. It's not that my heart does not long to be with him with every beat.

We are waiting for TA now. China is the boss.

It's also a funny thing that I don't mind so much waiting on China- it was all of that futzing with THIS country's Immigration that really chapped my hiney.

We are facing a potential 7 week wait until travel right now.

On one hand I think' how will we ever make it?" and then on the other hand my mind goes back to our first test pack two nights ago and I think "well, will 7 weeks be enough time to get this right?"

Either way you cut this pie- we are waiting and there is not a single thing that I can do to speed it up. I can only survive it with Grace.

At times I get this choking vice around my chest and throat. I would be rushing to the Doctor for meds if I hadn't gone through this before. I know what that feeling is. It's my heart longing desperately to have us all together. As it is, I just take a deep breath and swallow and Ev and I drive out for ice cream.

And we wait.

Decisions Decisions

I am at a cross roads with the blog. I have called it Life with The Bean for so long that it's hard to think about changing the name. I was thinking about doing two blogs- one for him and one for her- that may get too cumbersome. Then I have to think- where would I put the everyday stuff that was about both or me just complaining?
I am still trying to make up my mind.
Any suggestions?

Update: I have decided. I will follow the advice of some pretty smart folks and keep everything here and just add Liam in. Makes sense, it's easy and it feels right. I am sure that eventually he will have a nick name up there too. Right now I call him Rocket Boy , his Aunt calls him Cheeks for Weeks and his sister calls him whatever crosses her mind so until I know what will stick- it's "her Brother".

Renaissance Man

This is my husband. We have been married for going on 16 years now. Sometimes he looks at me and asks me why I love him. How could I not love him?
Not only is he handsome he is smart and funny but he is also a terrific father.
Some of the things that I like best about him are:
His penchant for "gimmicky" pillows.
That he still plays role playing games in basements after all of these years.
His Savant like knowledge of music from the 70's and 80's.
That he counts both Room With A View and Band of Brothers as favorite movies.
I love that he will put on a hat and have a tea party with his daughter but that he is also a hard assed military man.
He truly is one of the smartest people that I know but he will forget his wallet back at the house about 45% of the time.
He is kind but will not hesitate to put me in my place when I get cray-zee.
He and I can have entire conversations based on movie quotes.
He will read Watership Down and Carl Sagan and Joseph Campbell and A Sorrow in Our Hearts- in the same month.
He loves the Space Program and Steely Eyed Missile Men as much as I do.
He really knows how to enjoy a good documentary.
He can be a complete sci-fi geek but knows how to change the oil in our vehicles.
He can build bookshelves and is fanatical about the way the books are arranged on them.
He has work clothes but will forget to change into them and get paint all over a good shirt.
He will quietly pack a flashlight and take it to China and whip it out when the fuze in the room blows and astound me with his preparedness.
He knows when it's okay to make fun of the huge freaky zits on my face and when to offer to try and find me a Phantom of the Opera Mask to cover them up.
He understands that sometimes a girl needs to be with her sister. Or alone. Or sit right up next to him and not speak for hours at a time.
I love that his quit smoking cigarettes plan was to smoke pipes.
I love that he will drink a good Scottish Whiskey and a chocolate milk shake with the same amount of enthusiasm.
He understands my need/desire to befriend lonely people in the library and he takes Ev off and lets me talk movies with old guys and the like for long periods of time.
What I love most about him is that I can trust him completely with my heart.