At The Store

Bean and I were at the store today- stocking up on totally nutritious food like pizza and ice cream and brownie mix when this Asian couple walked past us. I hardly noticed as Bean was in high chatter and there was this hot topic going on about what topping we were gonna buy to go on our brownie sundays tonight (chocolate or hot fudge)....

Bean noticed though. She always notices Asians- Chinese or Japanese or Korean. She notices every Asian person in a 3 mile radius.

Today she stopped gabbing about The Topping long enough to point out the Asian folks. I smiled and said oh yes " she is lovely"- because that's usually how it goes- she sees mostly the women and thinks they are beautiful ( they are). 

Then Bean looked at me and she said " I don't know why I always want to look at Chinese people- Do you Mama?" I just stood there, thinking of what to say and how to say it in such a public place. I was taking way too long to answer and it seems that Bean already had it worked out.  After  a very short few seconds she said " I think it's because they make me think of my Birth Mother".

 So we had a conversation in the car coming home. 

I asked her if she thought of her Birth Mother often and she said yes. I said " You know it's okay to talk to me about her or your time in China or being adopted- anything - anytime- right?" 

She said " I don't talk about it much because I get sad and confused and I can't....I don't know what words to use to talk about it".

We decided that sometimes it will be okay for me to ask her (Bean) about it and anytime she is thinking about things she can at least say " I am thinking about my Birth Mother" and then we can try to find words together.

These kind of moments with her make me really glad that I have read many, many blogs of other families and they have each helped me prepare for this and glad that there are now brownies and ice cream in the house- for that all important Emotional Eating that will be done.