Home Movies-or some run on sentences from a still medicated Mother

I sat last night with my husband and my daughter. We were all on our couch, one of us legally stoned on muscle relaxers, and we were snuggled up and talking. One thing lead to another and the family videos came out. So we sat on our couch, while the snow fell outside and we watched our movies from China.
We aren't like many adoptive families. I haven't shown these videos to Evelyn, except once when she was around a year or so and then she had nightmares for three nights. Most adoptive families have Gotcha Day videos- we don't. Most adoptive families watch these videos on a regular basis- we don't. I am not saying that they are wrong and we are right. I just felt that with Ev's personality and some of the things that we were going through with her that it would be best to just establish that she was ours and not focus so much on the adoption. We talk about China and I answer her questions any time- anywhere. She also has certain stories from China that she loves to hear and she will ask to hear them- when she wants. After we first got her and she was old enough, we weren't shy about bringing China up, but as she got older and I knew that it was established with her and I knew that SHE knew we were proud of her and where she came from- I backed off. Now, all of the China and adoption talk is instigated by Ev. I like it that way. I think it works for her.
There we were last night..... She wanted to watch the China videos. Bad. She really wanted to watch. So we started them. AND SHE LOVED THEM. I was so happy. You never know which emotion that the children will grab onto while watching those videos. I held my breath for a bit because when I got Ev, she was crying. I knew that she would notice that (duh) and I wasn't sure if that would make her nervous or sad now. She did notice and asked "why is she crying?" I just told her that she had, had a long day and that she was hungry and hot and tired- she said "oh- how little was I?" Then she sat there, watching those first moments and the smile on her face was a mile wide. She sat there all cuddled up next to me and watched as we became the family that we are. She had a million questions and she was happy the whole time that we watched. I sat and cried and cried.
My emotions were all over the place. Now that I know Ev so well, I could look at that little face and see how afraid she was at first. I watched the footage of me rubbing her all over with lotion for the first time and how she just laid there, mystified and loving it and looking at me as if to say "what is this?"and I knew that no one had ever touched her like that and she was amazed at the way it felt. I watched as she drank her first few bottles after we had gotten her used to a smaller hole and her meals started lasting more than 45 seconds and I knew that she had never had that luxury. I cried for all of those reasons, and more. I cried because I have this , almost muscle memory of how it felt to clutch her to me for the first time and how I am sure that my heart had never taken a beat until that moment. I cried because that tiny, hungry frightened little baby was now a bright, funny, chatty, sassy, sturdy little girl -right next to me. I cried because , quite frankly, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am glad to be her Mother. I am glad that I can call her mine.
I have the sweetest cutest girl.
And I went to China to get her.
And now she's here.
How cool is that?