Sometimes They Do That

We spent some time at Grandma's house this weekend. With Evelyn and Brevin in the same house, being territorial about toys, one is likely to see Evelyn walking around with about 5 or 6 strange and seemingly unrelated things. She keeps a death grip on these items lest, dum dum dummmmm, BREVIN PLAYS WITH ONE- gasp shock cringe. This weekend she was carrying two rolls of Smarties(the candy), a small red plastic spoon, an old cell phone (real one that no longer works) , a green hairbrush, a play stethoscope and her aquarium ring- nice right? I can't tell you, this girl just walks around ALL day with this crap in her hands- how she manages to pee is beyond me. So this is the mindset. The items change from visit to visit, but it's always as many as she can carry and keep track of.
Here's the scene, everyone milling about, it's nearing bed time. Melissa says "Brev please go get a pull-up." Brevin ignores her, so Evelyn runs into the laundry room at the far end of the house from where I am, to get the pull-up. She walks around the corner and in about 3 seconds, I hear her scream. SCREAM. This was not just any scream, this was "I am in mortal danger and need to be saved" kind of scream. This was a scream to make any Mother's heart stop beating and go on complete overdrive to reach the obviously, critically wounded child. This was a primal scream of agony.
My head turned off and I went on adrenaline to get to Ev. I had to start off running from the living room, make it through the dining room, turn a corner and then make another right turn into where , whatever was happening to Evelyn , was.
This is what happened......
SCREAM!!!!!!!!
My higher functions turn off.
My legs start moving.
My legs get going real good.
A cat shows up from nowhere and tangles about my feet.
Because I had such momentum going, my feet stop to do the silly little cat dance thing, but my substantial upper body? That keeps moving.
I go completely horizontal in the air.
I fall, in this kind of hurried, slow, long, stumbling fall that lasts for half of the dining room.
I land right on my hands and knees.
Evelyn is still screaming.
I try to use a dining room chair to get up.
Bad idea.
The chair tips over and I am back on the ground.
I don't even bother to get up as Ev is still screaming.
I crab crawl the entire rest of the way to Ev.
I arrive at the scene.
There was no blood. Evelyn was standing there crying a bit while her Grandpa- oh Grandpa? yes, he was in the kitchen about 1 foot from Ev when this thing started so he was with her at the moment I went horizontal in the air.......well, Grandpa was there. Wiping off the cell phone and talking calmly and nicely to the traumatized child.
It seems that the screaming was because, while reaching for the pull-up, she dropped her cell phone in the toilet. THIS, This is apparently what we use the "OH MY GOD THERE IS A WEREWOLF IN THE BATHROOM AND HE'S ABOUT TO EAT MY FACE OFF" scream for.
I have to say that I wasn't that sympathetic with her over this ordeal.
Where were her Grandma and Aunt Melissa you ask yourself? What did they do when Ev screamed bloody murder? Did they feel alarm in their souls? Did they jump up to help?
NO.
They sat on the couch and laughed at the Mama nearly killing herself to get to her child. They didn't just laugh... they lost complete control of themselves and sat there in gasping , shuddering heaps, laughing at me. Me- flying thru the air, landing, crawling and generally making an ass out of myself to get to Ev. Over. A. Dropped. Cell. Phone.
Sometimes kids scream over little things.
Sometimes my Mom and Sister laugh at the plight of others.
Sometimes Grandpa's have that $#!* under control.
Sometimes Mama's fly.