She Shall Never Be Five Again

Tomorrow is June 24th. Evelyn will be six years old.
I can not believe it- it seems like just yesterday I was standing in a hot and stuffy room far, far away reaching my arms to hold her for the first time.
I absolutely adore this girl.
I am so very sad to loose her smallness, that baby, infant, toddler pre-schooler, but I am also so very excited to watch her grow and Become.
She has brought me much joy, oodles of pride, laughter, love. She has shown me that the human heart is resilient and capable of withstanding so much. And that with just a little faith and hope we can always arrive right back at Love.
Through her eyes I am able to see the sheer joy in an empty bag that floats and flits in the open back of a pick-up truck.
Through her eyes I can almost see the fairies that surely must be dancing just around every corner.
I have watched my husband bloom and grow stronger because of her. For her.
When I am with Evelyn and we are driving at night, I see that it is entirely possible that the Moon is following US home to keep us safe.
I watch her struggle with this new life being thrust upon her. The Brother. And the grace that she exhibits, the concern that she has for this unknown interloper, it just floors me.
I love the way her hair smells of embers and things hot and alive.
I love that smooth, soft skin that is such a beautiful shade of brown.
I love her otherness.
I love her sameness.
I love that tiny, barely there nose and how it wrinkles when she is ornery.
I love that every corner, nook, shelf, hole, and moment of my life is filled with her.
She is a magical creature, this girl.
If you watch her closely, you can see her charm reach out and touch the heart of person after person.
If you listen, you can actually hear the myriad of thoughts in her head, buzzing and spinning and wanting to be let out into the world.
She will organize your life- literally.
She will never forget.
She will share. She will worry. She will plan.
One day, I am sure that she will step out into the world and amaze. She will conquer. She will Arrive.
But for right now? She is six. And she is mine. And I love her beyond belief.
I am unaware of the Thing I did in life to deserve her- whatever it is, I am glad that I did it. I am glad that someone was watching and sent this little person my way.
There is so much joy in being her Mother.
Tomorrow the celebration begins. A long, slow build to her party at Grandma's on Saturday.
We will have presents ( possibly too many), we will have Rites of Passage ( ear piercing!), there will be streamers and cake. Through all of it I will revel in her growth, her big girl-ness. Please forgive me though if you see me off in a corner with some tears in my eyes because I will be missing that tiny little baby who used to clutch my legs and say "uppease uppease" when she wanted me to lift her up and hold her.