A collection of random thoughts and happenings

* When you hear your child yelling " NO!! Billy Bones do not drink my pee!!" when she is in the bathroom and you know that the cat really is in there- is it really necessary to drop everything and run in there or is it just too late?

* If you tell Bean that she can't eat anymore candy and then you forget (are too lazy) to remove her tin of Lifesavers Fruit Mints from her kitchen. Do not be surprised when she finds the loophole inherent in that dictate and proceeds to DISSOLVE her candy in water and then DRINK the candy flavored water.

* Christmas trees in a house with a nutty kitten and a Power Mad Toddler are , what you would call "dynamic" at best. There is one branch on our tree that now holds 5 ornaments. I have also found ornaments as far away as the kitchen and I have a sneaking suspicion that there is at least one upstairs- how did it get there, who is behind that? They don't know, they are not telling.

* If you bring in a wild kitten in from outside and then for the first few days that he is yours, you feed him fresh deli meat...... Don't be surprised if he keeps a permanent parking spot right in front of the fridge, even if you just THINK about being in the kitchen. He doesn't beg, he just sits there, attempting to control you with his mind- usually I find myself in a half trance giving him delicious morsels of ham or turkey. I need to work on my resistance to hypnosis.

* No one tells you this but when you have kids, it is impossible to even entertain the idea of an un-interrupted shower. GOD FORBID you should have to do more than pee either. At this point I am not sure that I could even get my body to function without keeping up a constant stream of conversation and advice while wrangling the cat off of my lap. I know, ew.

* We have been shopping on-line for Christmas. I have no freaking idea who is getting what and then if you factor in that half of the stuff is being shipped to my parent's house so we don't have to fit it all in the Neon when we drive to Ohio, I am clueless. Seriously clueless.

* If in a lap crazed desk party (where the kid and cat show up uninvited) in which you are trying to get your Christmas cards ready and ordered, you get the wrong year on your card. Don't freak out, send 'em anyway (and you don't even have to e-mail everyone on your list to confess your abysmal ability to keep a grasp on time or your computer keys) - because the folks that you are sending a card to both love you and know what a kook you can be and no one will even mention it.

* If your husband is in the Coast Guard it is completely normal for your three year old to say things like " I am just getting on this coat floaty to go run a case and I will be home later. ok? After we get the boat tied. OK? 'Cause I have to go now". Of course all of this is said while she is struggling into a polar fleece jacket and attempting to cajole Billy to go along (he remained un-interested).

* When the kitten comes walking through the house looking a bit haunted around the eyes and all of the fur on his head and only his head, is soaking wet- just assume that he really did need his hair washed and let it drop. Trust me it's easier that way, for you and for the cat.

* If at some point in the Holiday shopping, you decide that your kid's main gift will be something expensive and then will require other tangent gifts to go along , so that her whole Christmas is basically this one present (like a dollhouse). I think it's ok to freak about if she will like it or not. I am really freaked about this. I mean she is so funny (not funny ha ha- funny weird) that she may take one look at this gift and never look at it again OR she may just love the hell out of it, there will be no in between, it will be indifference for eternity or love.

(Oh and I had to include that picture because I love it. That was Bean being just done, done, done with the card photo shoot.)