F-Bomb Hat

This one is for Sammy.

Les had to go to "The Federal Building"(TFB) last week, for a Coast Guard thing. He had weeks to prepare but, and this is why I love this man, the night before he left his hat at the Station. Again in true Les fashion, he did not realize this until it was too late to make it 30 minutes to the Station and then 45 back the other way to TFB. This was a big deal because of the whole military, be-in-uniform thing.
This is what he did.
He had his fit. He only throws one a year so you know--alright have your fit. ( in comparison I have one a week so he's like the Rock of Gibraltar). Yeah. He was in every. single. nook. and. cranny. of the house. The entire house. And no hat. Now mind you, two months ago he moved ALL of his spare hats to the Station for "decorating his office"- all 33 of them. He was just hoping, in vain, that he had forgotten one.
There were no hats in this house.
There was no time to get any.
It WAS a fit so there was stomping and slamming and well, cussing. Alot of cussing. So much cussing that I, Queen of The Cuss was like "damn that's alot of cussing"
In the meantime I helped to save Ev's life because she kept trying to jump in The Fit and offer counseling about priorities and planning and eating that omelette right there on the counter....( she does leave something to be desired in the whole situational awareness area) ( also this is how little a fit affects her. She just keeps on being....Ev)  I came in with the saving by clamping her mouth shut and thus rendering her invisible to The Stomping Cussing Wonder.

Then he left. He was out the door with a 'F@#%" and a wave.

It took Ev approximately 2 point 5 seconds to decide how she was going to process this event.
She slid off of the kitchen chair.
She donned a very, very sly grin.
She tilted her head down and began talking in a deliberate baritone. And stomping.
Then she said:
" Hi I'm Papa! Where is my hat?!?! My f-bomb hat. I need my f-bomb hat!!!!  Woman do you hear what I said?!!? I am going to be stupid late!!!!! STOMP STOMP

Slam! STOMP! No f-bomb hat up here! "
And she went on like this for about 10 minutes. No. You do not understand. She was actually saying" f-bomb." Not THE word--the stand in for the word. "F-bomb." She did this whole diatribe in her "papa" voice.

I nearly died. I could feel my circle of willis pounding. I have NEVER, in my life, laughed as hard as I did right then.