There is life to be lived. I have a daughter that is here and a life happening around me. I spent all day yesterday, just letting myself feel the pain and anxiety. This is a trick I learned a long time ago. No denial, No "trying to get through". Just feel it. Set aside an alotted time and really feel what you are feeling. When your time is up, you grab your bootstraps and you lift your face and you go on.
I am hurting for my son. Yes indeed. I will continue to do so. But I have a daughter who is here and who is living her last weeks without a sibling. I have a daughter that is happy and excited over Spring and Easter and she is vibrating with life and happiness. I will live these moments with her. I will be here for her.
I knew intellectually that Liam would have to go through that separation. I would have handled it much better if I hadn't had my heart echoing his. But now I know right? Now I have a window. I think, in many ways it was a gift, of sorts. I think when I see him and we have him and things get tough I will be able to look at him and remember what I felt during this time and it will allow me a few more moments of patience. A whole lot more understanding.
So that's where I am.
And now? The sun is shining and Ev is aching to go to the park. So we shall.
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