Well, That Went Well and Now I Am Going Somewhere To Cry

Tonight I had a talk with Ev. You know. A TALK.  Not a "you are in trouble" talk, but a "Birth Mother Talk".

She has really spent a majority of her life with us just simply avoiding this issue. Since she is getting a brother and has to face some things that she could ignore otherwise, we have had some pretty indepth talks recently. I have always stopped short of doing the whole "Well you have a birth mother and she couldn't keep you" sort of thing. I figured that when she was ready, she would get to it.
She did.
Tonight she said something like "I wonder why Liam is there and we are here" and I said "well, it was the same for you". Then she got REAL silly and just flitting from one topic to another.
I used words that were given to me just recently by an Adult Adoptee. I said "Ev you may have questions about your time in China and I want you to know that you can always talk to me or Papa about it. Even if it's sad and we cry, even if you get mad, even if you feel nothing at all but just want to have some information. It's all okay."

I thought that would be it. It usually is.
Not tonight. Tonight she had a question.

She said " Ok let's start at the top. How was I born and why was it in China?"

Really? Right out of the gate and this is what I get?

I took a deep, deep breath, a few seconds to Thank God that I have been preparing for thiss for a long time and I said " Evelyn you were born like all other humans. You grew inside your birth mother's tummy and when it was time- you were born. You came into the world." She said "What? I grew somewhere else, with somebody else?" and I said yes. She asked how she got to us and I said" Well once you were born, your birth mother, for whatever reason, could not keep you. She made a decision that led to you being here with us forever"
She then had about a hundred other questions and for all of them my answer was "I don't know"
Because I don't know. Why couldn't her birth mother keep her? Where is her birth mother? What does she look like? Is she nice? Is she dead? Was she sad? I don't know any of that. And I could not find it in me to make up a bunch of soft lies. I told her that I could make some guesses about what happened and that I do think there was love because her birth mother had other choices and this was the one she picked and it was the best one for Evelyn.

I am supposed to remind Evelyn tomorrow that she wants to write a letter to her birth mother. She wants to say "Thank you. I love my family and you were right. It was a good choice"