Carnage: Warning Graphic Post

So the latest to-do of Billy Bones has temporarily eclipsed the Trick-or-Treat post that I was all geared up for. This all started on Saturday. Evelyn was asked to go down to the basement and bring us up something (yes she is four and not afraid to go anywhere in this house alone and/or in the dark). When she's down there though she starts yelling her head off and I hear all of this thumping and I nearly break my neck getting to her. We met in the living room where I found her in a high dudgeon. She was red in the face and puffing and yelling - I couldn't understand a word of it. So I holler back " Hey slow down I don't know what's wrong!" She yells " Well that crazy thing has a BIRD!" I go - intelligently I might add- " WHA.....?" and she yells " BILLY BONES HAS A BIRD!!!! HE HAS IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!! HE IS EATING A BASEMENT BIRD!!!"

This is all as she is hunched over and lunging after Billy Bones and I am standing there like a lump and trying to catch up. Then I see a dark clump of something in Billy's mouth and I head toward him and then he opens his mouth and a small, dark bird flies right out of his mouth and starts circling the living room frantically while I am still a bit shocked and wondering if all of my stuff is about to experience Feline Apocolypse ( the cat has huge honking feet with 23 toes it's not good to mix that formula with my breakables). I am struggling to understand because well, Billy Bones is an inside cat here at the Manse and um, we had no windows open and I just couldn't fathom that there was a bird in the basement (there was though and we still aren't sure how).Enter the Papadopolis. Les comes down, scoops Bill up and realizes that the bird is still in good shape, so we pick up Bill and carry him onto the front porch and he drops the bird and it flies off into the distance. We bring Billy back into the house and set him down. Then he proceeds to hurl himself against the screen door frantically trying to get his prey. After awhile of this he starts running from window to window. After that he proceeds down to the basement where he inspected the ducts, chewed the hot water tank insulation, stared at the walls,paced and meowed for just about 12 hours. I thought we were done.

Not that lucky.

This morning I am busy reading or something and I hear all of this scuffling and I say to Evelyn, who was ensconced on a shelf in the hall closet with the door pulled closed, "kiddo what are you doing" She says "oh that's not me it's Billy Bones Pip" I say "ummmm wha..." and she says, real casual like, " he has another basement bird"

!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I go after him. This time the bird is badly beaten and has a broken wing, when he drops it, it sort of scuttles around, squeaking and Ev and I hop madly out if it's way. Bird goes under the bed, cat goes under the bed, kid goes under the bed, Mom grabs kid. Bird goes into my closet (by scuttling under the closed door) , unbelievably cat goes into my closet the same way. Bird comes out, cat gets stuck. Bird gets away while cat is stuck and human looses track of bird trying to help cat. All of this time Evelyn is keeping a running commentary like CNN and I am hoping that this doesn't end up outside somehow because I am only wearing a t-shirt and underwear ( go ahead and laugh it was Stella' specialty to get me out of the house, under dressed in just that way so I know that it's always a potential when dealing with "cat issues"). Bird becomes utterly unaccounted for. Minutes pass. Furniture is moved. Cat is confused and bitter, child is constantly offering suggestions to Mom and words of sympathy to cat.

Mom takes a much needed (by this time) bathroom break.The Mom walks into the bathroom and scares the, now found, bird. Mom jumps and shrieks like a pansy. Cat comes running. Kid comes running. Mom does not get to pee. Bird meets an ugly end in the bathroom.

After awhile the now tired Mom who has inexplicably developed a facial twitch, has to clean the feathers and splatter off of and out of the bathroom. Then Vacuum the entire house getting all of the other feathers out. Mom is completely put out at the cat, as this was NOT EVEN a floor cleaning day and she never did get to pee and will probably get a bladder infection but, that's okay, the Doc can check out the facial twitch along with prescribing antibiotics. (plus she's still a bit embarrassed by the girlie shrieking)

Damn cat.

Damn bird.



PS The kid thinks that the bird got lost in the house and has no idea that her cat ate it. So she will have no long term suffering.

PPS The bird got revenge in the end as the cat is somewhat "gassy" after eating him and we are all suffering an olfactory onslaught.




Here is a picture of what my bathroom looked like when I let Billy out. I edited out the actual carnage.