The Story: Part 4 Time and Paper, Paper and Time

The first three parts of the The Story can be found here:
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-1-lets-do-this.html
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-2-darkness-falls.html
http://beandippin.blogspot.com/2008/11/story-part-3-north-to-alaska.html

Part 4: Time and Paper, Paper and Time


There we were on the brink of DECISIONS. You know those decisions that in one word or two change your life? The big decisions in tiny moments.
I wasn't keeping a journal or anything at the time, so I have lost bits of how and why and when exactly things were done. Leslie went for the Trip Around from Jan to June of 2003. From June to Jan then was our decision making, researching and money saving time. I can't remember many exact things from this time. I do know that one day a very nice and awesome doctor, heard me talking in our nurse's kitchen about adoption. She just breezed over and said "OH! You want to adopt? I have this great friend who has two daughters from China. She's is always willing to help other folks out. Wait, here's her number- call her" So I called J. J was a Godsend, a fountain of information and the whole time she was giving me info and agencies and general moral support, I could hear her two daughters playing in the background. I got off of the phone in this strange trance. I just sat there for a bit, stunned. She was so matter of fact and with it and had so much good information. Something happened. Things gelled for me.
Leslie and I had spent weeks looking at various countries and pictures of children from these countries. It was just that every time I saw an Asian face my heart would jump. Then this call with J happened and I sat there. And then I knew. That was it, I just knew where to go and get my daughter. I called Les at work and I said "It's China". He said "China huh?" and I said "yep" he said "okay let's do it".
So I contacted CCAI, an agency that J used for her first adoption. We got the paperwork and in Jan of 2004 our application was accepted and we were off. To adopt Internationally you need lots of documentation (that right there is the understatement of the century). You have papers for the agency, papers for the home study, papers for two governments, you must obtain copies of every scrap of officialdom that concerns your life. You must have references. You must figure out your financial worth. You must document all things, these documents are called your Dossier. THEN you send the documents out to be stamped by the various States involved. Then they get sent out to get stamped by someone in the Federal Gov't. Then they get sent out to get stamped by the Chinese Embassy. Then they get sent to your agency and gone over with a fine tooth comb. Then and only then do they get sent to China. Once China has your paper work , your clock for your referral starts. The Date that China gets your paper work is very important, that's your DTC of Dossier To China. Ours was Aug 13, 2004. Evelyn was in China and about 2 months old when we got our DTC date. If you can believe it there is actually more paperwork than implied in the above statements, because each stamping (Authentication) must be accompanied by very specifically written requests. Leslie and I had to sit down and write a several page biography-each. We had to obtain physicals with their special paper work. We had to get letters of Employment with very specific wording.....yadda yadda yadda.
We got our DTC date and The Wait was on. The estimated referral time for Ev was 8-10 months. That seemed so long to me that I can not imagine what it is like for the families that are now waiting for THREE YEARS or more- my heart goes out to them.
I remember that after we were done with the round of p.w. that was the applications to the agency and the Home Study Agency- I was excited to get my Dossier Packet. I have no idea what I thought. It seemed that we had done soooo much already and I thought I would have to just gather some stuff and mail it in. I was blown away by the notarization and verification and authentication that went along with each piece of paper. I sat and had my very first anxiety attack. It all felt so insurmountable in those first moments. I was breathing heavy and crying and wailing and I broke out in hives. It seems so silly now and Les and I laugh about how naive we were. I had my fit and then got to work.
The biggest anxiety of my life happened just as we were finishing the Dossier. This is what I call The First Miracle Of Finishing. We had spent MONTHS gathering paper work. You know all of those steps for each paper? Well, they have to be mailed out and then mailed back to you. I sent off my last piece to The Chinese Embassy in New York. I waited. I watched for it's return. When I checked the online tracking system, it looked funny, like logged in backwards but I blew this off. The day for it's arrival came and went. The next day I started getting worried. See, if this one paper got lost, we would have to backtrack and do it all over again and that would take weeks and may mean that other INS paperwork could expire and on and on...... I called around. I called the NY postal office. I called the Anchorage office. I eventually got to talk to a lady in the Soldotna office. She was the one that said "honey it's lost" . I lost my mind. That is all there is to say. I was supposed to give her a few minutes to phone "Supervisors" and start a search. I called Leslie, he could not even understand what I was saying. I was so upset that I was just blubbering. I called my Dad. Bless that man. He calmed me down a bit. He told me things would be alright, that I should pray. I prayed. I prayed with a mother's earnest heart. Les arrived, after leaving work thinking I was hurt or something awful. I told him what was happening. He dropped into a chair and just stared and said "what are we ever going to do?" It was time to call the lady in Soldotna back. I called her, she was expecting my call. She had the strangest tone in her voice. She said "your package is here", very quietly. I said "what do you mean? it was lost. LOST!" She said I know, I looked everywhere here for it. EVERYWHERE. Out in the trucks, under the desks, in every bin. I could not find it. I wasn't even sure if it was lost here I mean I could not even track it on our computer system, everything about it was wrong. Then I just looked under my counter in my tray and it was there, right on top. I swear that it hadn't been there and then it was there. Your package is here" I was speechless. I made her verify all of the numbers like three times. I told her to hold it and I would drive and get it. She said "you just stay there, this thing will get to you today, I swear it will" Four and a half hours later, there was a knock on my door and that envelope was handed to me. That is a miracle. I know it. That thing was LOST. Gone, no proof it had ever even made it to New york and then it was there and all fine and Authenticated. That was The First Miracle.
So my work was done. It was time to wait. And wait we did.
My mind was filled with thoughts of my daughter constantly. She was so real to me, but yet, not. It seemed so strange that all of that paperwork would yield a child for us. I just kept telling myself that it would happen. I was so anxious for it to happen, I thought that it would NEVER come. That I would never feel my arms full. My longing was a constant, physical companion.
It was about this time that I had a dream........